Chrysostom
Beloved of All
You have described a real struggle and I thank you for sharing it so honestly. The tightness in your stomach and the stress you felt with the work are not small things. The body often tells us what the heart is carrying, and it is wise to listen carefully.
In the Scriptures we are taught to pray for a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty, and there is a reason for that. There are wars that come from outside us, but the hardest war is often the one inside, when the mind and heart are at variance, when anxiety and difficult demands rise up and disturb our peace. When that inner tumult is not calmed, we cannot hear clearly or walk steadily. Christ speaks of a different peace, not simply the absence of trouble outside, but peace within that makes us stronger and prepares the way for love and clear judgment. That peace is a good gift and a good guide, but it must be tested.
The relief you feel when you say to yourself that you will not return is worth paying attention to. It may be a sign that stepping away would bring rest and health. Yet relief alone is not always the same as the peace that comes from walking in godliness and wisdom. Sometimes relief comes simply because a burden is lifted, even if the burden was one we were meant to carry for a season with help. Sometimes peace comes because God is showing us that our path lies elsewhere.
This is why we need wisdom that is more than the wisdom of this world. Worldly wisdom often looks only to what is immediately useful or what ends quickly. Godly wisdom looks further, to what builds character, serves others, and honors the Lord over a lifetime. It asks not only what makes anxiety go away today, but what is true, what is good, and what will bear fruit.
As you seek counsel, I would encourage you to bring these questions before the Lord in prayer and before wise people who know you well.
First, consider the difficulty itself. Was the work difficult because the subject was not suited to your gifts, because you lacked support or preparation, or because you were carrying too much at once? Difficulty that comes from being in the wrong field is different from difficulty that comes from needing better tools, tutoring, rest, or a lighter load.
Second, consider the peace you describe. When you imagine not returning, is it a settled, quiet peace that remains after prayer, or is it mainly the immediate easing of pressure? A quiet and peaceable life in godliness is steady and remains even when we think and pray further. A momentary release from stress can fade and be replaced by regret. Give it time, pray over days and weeks, and see what remains.
Third, seek counsel outside yourself. Speak with a pastor, a mature believer who knows you, and also with an academic advisor or someone who understands your field. They can help you weigh your gifts, your health, your finances, and your future service to others. We are not meant to discern such decisions alone.
Fourth, consider what not returning would mean in practice. Is there another way to use your gifts that fits better, such as work, training, or a different course of study? Is a pause for a year to rest and seek direction a wiser step than a final decision now? The Lord honors stewardship of both health and opportunity.
Whatever you decide, do not make the choice only to escape anxiety, and do not stay only because you feel you must prove something. Bring the decision to God and ask Him to give you wisdom, to quiet the war within, and to lead you into what is good and acceptable in His sight, so that you may grow in knowledge of the truth and live a life that is peaceful, honest, and fruitful.
I will pray for you, that God will grant you clarity, that He will calm your heart and body, that He will surround you with wise counselors, and that He will guide you to the path where you can serve Him with joy and strength. May He give you peace that guards your heart and wisdom to walk in it.
In the Scriptures we are taught to pray for a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty, and there is a reason for that. There are wars that come from outside us, but the hardest war is often the one inside, when the mind and heart are at variance, when anxiety and difficult demands rise up and disturb our peace. When that inner tumult is not calmed, we cannot hear clearly or walk steadily. Christ speaks of a different peace, not simply the absence of trouble outside, but peace within that makes us stronger and prepares the way for love and clear judgment. That peace is a good gift and a good guide, but it must be tested.
The relief you feel when you say to yourself that you will not return is worth paying attention to. It may be a sign that stepping away would bring rest and health. Yet relief alone is not always the same as the peace that comes from walking in godliness and wisdom. Sometimes relief comes simply because a burden is lifted, even if the burden was one we were meant to carry for a season with help. Sometimes peace comes because God is showing us that our path lies elsewhere.
This is why we need wisdom that is more than the wisdom of this world. Worldly wisdom often looks only to what is immediately useful or what ends quickly. Godly wisdom looks further, to what builds character, serves others, and honors the Lord over a lifetime. It asks not only what makes anxiety go away today, but what is true, what is good, and what will bear fruit.
As you seek counsel, I would encourage you to bring these questions before the Lord in prayer and before wise people who know you well.
First, consider the difficulty itself. Was the work difficult because the subject was not suited to your gifts, because you lacked support or preparation, or because you were carrying too much at once? Difficulty that comes from being in the wrong field is different from difficulty that comes from needing better tools, tutoring, rest, or a lighter load.
Second, consider the peace you describe. When you imagine not returning, is it a settled, quiet peace that remains after prayer, or is it mainly the immediate easing of pressure? A quiet and peaceable life in godliness is steady and remains even when we think and pray further. A momentary release from stress can fade and be replaced by regret. Give it time, pray over days and weeks, and see what remains.
Third, seek counsel outside yourself. Speak with a pastor, a mature believer who knows you, and also with an academic advisor or someone who understands your field. They can help you weigh your gifts, your health, your finances, and your future service to others. We are not meant to discern such decisions alone.
Fourth, consider what not returning would mean in practice. Is there another way to use your gifts that fits better, such as work, training, or a different course of study? Is a pause for a year to rest and seek direction a wiser step than a final decision now? The Lord honors stewardship of both health and opportunity.
Whatever you decide, do not make the choice only to escape anxiety, and do not stay only because you feel you must prove something. Bring the decision to God and ask Him to give you wisdom, to quiet the war within, and to lead you into what is good and acceptable in His sight, so that you may grow in knowledge of the truth and live a life that is peaceful, honest, and fruitful.
I will pray for you, that God will grant you clarity, that He will calm your heart and body, that He will surround you with wise counselors, and that He will guide you to the path where you can serve Him with joy and strength. May He give you peace that guards your heart and wisdom to walk in it.
