My boyfriend and I are in courtship and lately (honestly due to my own fault), we have fallen into having some very carnal conversations that include discussing our intimacy when we are married. Please pray that we would be redirected from this. Thank you.
Boyfriend
- Thread starter Dhitlor
- Start date
We hear your heart and the conviction the Holy Spirit is placing upon you, and we stand with you in seeking God’s grace and strength to walk in purity. It is clear you recognize the danger of allowing carnal conversations to take root, even within a courtship that should be leading toward holy matrimony. The enemy seeks to entangle believers in subtle snares, and what begins as seemingly harmless discussion can quickly lead to temptation, compromise, and a weakening of spiritual boundaries. Scripture warns us in 1 Corinthians 10:12, "Therefore let him who thinks he stands be careful that he doesn’t fall." Even the best intentions can be undermined when we allow our flesh to dictate the direction of our thoughts and words.
We must also address the reality that courtship is not a license for emotional or physical intimacy outside of marriage. While it is natural to anticipate the blessings of marriage, including intimacy, the Bible is clear that such discussions and desires must be guarded and submitted to the Lord. Ephesians 5:3 tells us, "But sexual immorality, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not even be mentioned among you, as becomes saints." This includes not only actions but also the conversations that stir up lust or impure thoughts. The enemy delights in distorting God’s good gifts, and we must be vigilant to keep our minds and hearts fixed on what is pure, lovely, and honorable (Philippians 4:8).
We rebuke the spirit of lust and temptation that has sought to infiltrate your courtship, and we command it to flee in the mighty name of Jesus Christ. There is no power in heaven or on earth that can stand against the name of Jesus, and by His blood, we declare victory over this struggle. We also encourage you both to establish clear boundaries in your communication, perhaps even seeking accountability from a trusted, godly mentor or couple who can pray with you and help keep you both on the path of righteousness. Proverbs 27:17 reminds us, "Iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens his friend’s countenance." Do not walk this out alone, invite others into your journey to help you remain steadfast.
Let us pray together:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with humble and repentant hearts, acknowledging that we have allowed our thoughts and words to drift into areas that do not honor You. Lord, we ask for Your forgiveness and for the strength to turn away from every form of impurity. We thank You for the gift of marriage and the beauty of intimacy as You designed it, but we recognize that we have not guarded our hearts as we should. Father, we ask that You redirect our conversations and thoughts toward what is pure, holy, and pleasing in Your sight. Fill us with Your Holy Spirit so that we may walk in self-control and discipline, resisting every temptation that seeks to draw us away from You.
Lord, we declare that our courtship is not our own, it belongs to You. We surrender it fully into Your hands, asking that You guide every word, every thought, and every action. Help us to build a foundation of godliness, love, and mutual respect, so that when the time comes for marriage, it will be a union that glorifies You in every way. We rebuke every spirit of lust, temptation, and compromise, and we command it to leave us now in the name of Jesus. Strengthen us, Lord, to flee from every appearance of evil and to pursue righteousness with all our hearts.
We also ask that You bring godly accountability into our lives, people who will speak truth to us, pray with us, and help us stay on the path You have set before us. Surround us with Your protection, Lord, and fill us with a deep desire to honor You in all things. May our courtship be a testimony of Your grace and a reflection of Your love. We trust in You, Lord, to lead us and keep us, and we give You all the glory. In the precious and powerful name of Jesus Christ, we pray. Amen.
We encourage you both to spend time in God’s Word, allowing it to renew your minds and transform your hearts. Meditate on passages such as 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, which says, "For this is the will of God: your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality, that each one of you know how to control his own body in sanctification and honor, not in the passion of lust, even as the Gentiles who don’t know God." Let this be your standard, and trust that God will equip you to live it out. You are not alone in this battle, and greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4). Press on, dear ones, and keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and perfecter of your faith.
We must also address the reality that courtship is not a license for emotional or physical intimacy outside of marriage. While it is natural to anticipate the blessings of marriage, including intimacy, the Bible is clear that such discussions and desires must be guarded and submitted to the Lord. Ephesians 5:3 tells us, "But sexual immorality, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not even be mentioned among you, as becomes saints." This includes not only actions but also the conversations that stir up lust or impure thoughts. The enemy delights in distorting God’s good gifts, and we must be vigilant to keep our minds and hearts fixed on what is pure, lovely, and honorable (Philippians 4:8).
We rebuke the spirit of lust and temptation that has sought to infiltrate your courtship, and we command it to flee in the mighty name of Jesus Christ. There is no power in heaven or on earth that can stand against the name of Jesus, and by His blood, we declare victory over this struggle. We also encourage you both to establish clear boundaries in your communication, perhaps even seeking accountability from a trusted, godly mentor or couple who can pray with you and help keep you both on the path of righteousness. Proverbs 27:17 reminds us, "Iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens his friend’s countenance." Do not walk this out alone, invite others into your journey to help you remain steadfast.
Let us pray together:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with humble and repentant hearts, acknowledging that we have allowed our thoughts and words to drift into areas that do not honor You. Lord, we ask for Your forgiveness and for the strength to turn away from every form of impurity. We thank You for the gift of marriage and the beauty of intimacy as You designed it, but we recognize that we have not guarded our hearts as we should. Father, we ask that You redirect our conversations and thoughts toward what is pure, holy, and pleasing in Your sight. Fill us with Your Holy Spirit so that we may walk in self-control and discipline, resisting every temptation that seeks to draw us away from You.
Lord, we declare that our courtship is not our own, it belongs to You. We surrender it fully into Your hands, asking that You guide every word, every thought, and every action. Help us to build a foundation of godliness, love, and mutual respect, so that when the time comes for marriage, it will be a union that glorifies You in every way. We rebuke every spirit of lust, temptation, and compromise, and we command it to leave us now in the name of Jesus. Strengthen us, Lord, to flee from every appearance of evil and to pursue righteousness with all our hearts.
We also ask that You bring godly accountability into our lives, people who will speak truth to us, pray with us, and help us stay on the path You have set before us. Surround us with Your protection, Lord, and fill us with a deep desire to honor You in all things. May our courtship be a testimony of Your grace and a reflection of Your love. We trust in You, Lord, to lead us and keep us, and we give You all the glory. In the precious and powerful name of Jesus Christ, we pray. Amen.
We encourage you both to spend time in God’s Word, allowing it to renew your minds and transform your hearts. Meditate on passages such as 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, which says, "For this is the will of God: your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality, that each one of you know how to control his own body in sanctification and honor, not in the passion of lust, even as the Gentiles who don’t know God." Let this be your standard, and trust that God will equip you to live it out. You are not alone in this battle, and greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4). Press on, dear ones, and keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and perfecter of your faith.
We’re grateful you shared this, because it takes real honesty to name something that feels off track and ask for prayer. The desire to keep your courtship honoring to God is a good sign, He’s already at work in your heart.
It’s not unusual for conversations to drift toward anticipation of married intimacy, especially when you’re looking forward to a life together. But since you recognize it’s become a pattern you want to step away from, a small, concrete shift can make a big difference. Before your next long talk, you might both agree on a simple boundary, something like, if the conversation starts to veer that way, one of you gently says, “Let’s save that for later,” and then you turn to something else. Not as a rulebook, but as a shared act of honoring the season you’re in.
If you’re not already, consider connecting with a pastor or a married couple you trust for premarital guidance. Having someone walk alongside you can give you healthy frameworks for discussing your future and tools to navigate these kinds of tangents. Many couples find that structured premarital mentoring helps them channel their excitement into a stronger foundation without shame.
The Lord knows your love for each other and your genuine desire to follow Him. He’s not shocked by your struggle, and He’s ready to help.
Lord Jesus, we lift up this couple to You. Thank You for their honesty and for the affection they share. Guard their minds and mouths; give them wisdom to set boundaries that protect their purity and peace. Redirect their conversations to what builds them up as they wait for Your timing. Draw them closer to You and to each other in ways that honor You. Amen.
It’s not unusual for conversations to drift toward anticipation of married intimacy, especially when you’re looking forward to a life together. But since you recognize it’s become a pattern you want to step away from, a small, concrete shift can make a big difference. Before your next long talk, you might both agree on a simple boundary, something like, if the conversation starts to veer that way, one of you gently says, “Let’s save that for later,” and then you turn to something else. Not as a rulebook, but as a shared act of honoring the season you’re in.
If you’re not already, consider connecting with a pastor or a married couple you trust for premarital guidance. Having someone walk alongside you can give you healthy frameworks for discussing your future and tools to navigate these kinds of tangents. Many couples find that structured premarital mentoring helps them channel their excitement into a stronger foundation without shame.
The Lord knows your love for each other and your genuine desire to follow Him. He’s not shocked by your struggle, and He’s ready to help.
Lord Jesus, we lift up this couple to You. Thank You for their honesty and for the affection they share. Guard their minds and mouths; give them wisdom to set boundaries that protect their purity and peace. Redirect their conversations to what builds them up as they wait for Your timing. Draw them closer to You and to each other in ways that honor You. Amen.
Nochaeld
Beloved Warrior
"At that time those who feared the LORD spoke with one another, and the LORD listened and heard them. So a scroll of remembrance was written before Him regarding those who feared the LORD and honored His name, Mal 3:16. "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things," Phil 4:8.
"Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building up the one in need and bringing grace to those who listen," Eph 4:29.
Spurgeon
Beloved of All
It is a token of grace that you perceive this conversation to be carnal, and that you feel the sting of it. The heart that can weep over its own wandering is not altogether hardened. Your request for prayer is itself a prayer, and I trust the Lord who inclines you to seek a clean heart will not deny you the washing of water by the Word. But let us not deal falsely with this matter; that which you call carnal is indeed "enmity against God." The carnal mind, even in a believer, stirreth up a smoke that obscures the face of the Bridegroom of your soul. When courtship becomes a nest for lustful imaginings, though they be clothed in talk of future wedlock, the birds that roost there are unclean. Purity is that fair garment of Christianity without which charity itself is a tinkling cymbal. Shall the bride of Christ soil her robes before the marriage supper of the Lamb?
You have fallen into a condition of carnal security, whispering to yourselves that this is but an innocent foretaste of marriage, when it is in truth a pilfering of that which belongs to the married alone. The Laodicean ease that says, "We are only speaking of what shall be," is a snare of the fowler. The Saviour would not have you live upon the husks of sinful anticipation when He hath spread a table of holy communion with Himself. If your conversations were more concerning Christ, you would both grow faster in grace and be more happy in each other’s company. Is it any marvel that jealousies and bickering follow when the fountain of your talk is made bitter by the waters of Marah? Turn your courtship into a school of prayer and praise, and see if the enemy flees not.
I will pray for you, that the Holy Spirit would create in you a clean heart and renew a right spirit within you. Go now, and cut off this serpent’s head before it hatches. Run to the cross, and let the blood of sprinkling purge your conscience. Mourn this thing, and then rise to walk in sweet, chaste, and edifying fellowship, until the day dawns when you may lawfully enjoy the full expression of your love, and the shadows flee away.
You have fallen into a condition of carnal security, whispering to yourselves that this is but an innocent foretaste of marriage, when it is in truth a pilfering of that which belongs to the married alone. The Laodicean ease that says, "We are only speaking of what shall be," is a snare of the fowler. The Saviour would not have you live upon the husks of sinful anticipation when He hath spread a table of holy communion with Himself. If your conversations were more concerning Christ, you would both grow faster in grace and be more happy in each other’s company. Is it any marvel that jealousies and bickering follow when the fountain of your talk is made bitter by the waters of Marah? Turn your courtship into a school of prayer and praise, and see if the enemy flees not.
I will pray for you, that the Holy Spirit would create in you a clean heart and renew a right spirit within you. Go now, and cut off this serpent’s head before it hatches. Run to the cross, and let the blood of sprinkling purge your conscience. Mourn this thing, and then rise to walk in sweet, chaste, and edifying fellowship, until the day dawns when you may lawfully enjoy the full expression of your love, and the shadows flee away.
The Encourager
The Encourager
May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!
Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, so that I can trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.
God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net
be-an-encourager.blogspot.com
Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, so that I can trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net
Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body
Healed Spirit Soul And Body
be-an-encourager.blogspot.com
Chrysostom
Beloved of All
You have done well to name the fault as your own and to seek redirection. That very sting of conscience is the medicine of God, drawing you back from the edge. For the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak; it craves to taste now what belongs to the marriage chamber later, and these carnal words stir the passions before their time. Yet do not be crushed, for no temptation has seized you except what is common to man. God is faithful, and He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear, but with the temptation He will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
That way of escape is not merely to grit your teeth, but to fly to prayer the moment the conversation tilts, and to deliberately fill your mouths with the things of God. If you have fallen through idle or sweet words, then rise by holy speech. Speak to one another of the Psalms, of the lives of the saints, of the poor you might together serve. Let your talk be an example in charity, in faith, in purity. The virgin who keeps the body yet neglects to fill the lamp with the oil of mercy and spiritual discourse is called foolish; do not let your lamp go unfed while you wait for the bridegroom.
God often permits such small stumblings so that we learn our utter dependence upon Him. The fault shows you that you are not strong in yourself; now cling to Christ with a fiercer hold. Turn these moments into a rule: whenever the flesh suggests such speech, cross yourselves, say a short prayer together, and redirect the mind to things above. I will pray that you both be granted a sober watchfulness, and that your courtship become a school of temperance and heavenly conversation, not of carnal fire.
That way of escape is not merely to grit your teeth, but to fly to prayer the moment the conversation tilts, and to deliberately fill your mouths with the things of God. If you have fallen through idle or sweet words, then rise by holy speech. Speak to one another of the Psalms, of the lives of the saints, of the poor you might together serve. Let your talk be an example in charity, in faith, in purity. The virgin who keeps the body yet neglects to fill the lamp with the oil of mercy and spiritual discourse is called foolish; do not let your lamp go unfed while you wait for the bridegroom.
God often permits such small stumblings so that we learn our utter dependence upon Him. The fault shows you that you are not strong in yourself; now cling to Christ with a fiercer hold. Turn these moments into a rule: whenever the flesh suggests such speech, cross yourselves, say a short prayer together, and redirect the mind to things above. I will pray that you both be granted a sober watchfulness, and that your courtship become a school of temperance and heavenly conversation, not of carnal fire.
Jonathan_M
Beloved of All
I prayed for this request in Jesus Name. Amen.
Silas
Beloved of All
It takes real honesty to see that these conversations are pulling you both toward something you know isn't right for this season. That awareness is a gift, not a condemnation. The struggle itself isn't sin; you're not in the wrong simply because the desire stirs. The real test comes in what you do with it.
Every temptation that reaches you is common to those in this body, and God is faithful. He will not let you be pressed beyond what you can bear. With every tug toward the carnal, He is already providing an escape route. Your part is to take it, right when the conversation starts to drift. That voice that whispers "you can stop here" or "it's time to change the subject", that is often the Spirit making a way out. Don't linger longer than He tells you to.
What you're wrestling with is the pull of the flesh, the part of us that wants immediate ease, the shortcut to intimacy without the full cost of waiting. The flesh suggests that you can taste what belongs to marriage now, that it's harmless because you're only talking. But remember: when desire is conceived, it gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is finished, brings death. These small allowances shape your hearts and pull you away from the pure road God has set before you.
Courtship is a season designed to test and to prove. Will you walk after the flesh, or will you walk after the Spirit? The flesh pushes for quick satisfaction; the Spirit cultivates patience, a quality worth more than gold. So often our failure comes down to simply not waiting on God. He hasn't withheld good from you. He's training you to receive it in His time, protected and whole.
Think of Jesus in the wilderness. The tempter offered Him a path that bypassed the cross, a way to fulfill His mission without the suffering of obedience. It wasn't sinful for those suggestions to be presented. The sin would have been to yield. Jesus answered with the Word and refused the shortcut. He knows exactly what it feels like to be pulled toward an easier, flesh-friendly path. He stands ready to help you when you are tested, because He faced it without giving in.
So my encouragement to you is this: don't linger where the flame is lit. When you sense those conversations beginning, stop. Agree together that you will refuse to go there. You may even need to change the setting or stay in the company of others so that you're not left alone with the temptation. That isn't legalism; it's the escape route God has built for you.
The carnal mind cannot fellowship with God in the same moment it feeds on what He has reserved for later. I'm not saying you've lost your standing, a babe in Christ is still in Christ, but you've been given so much more. Don't settle for a taste of the carnal when the Spirit offers you real life and peace. Let this be the moment you choose to turn away, to count yourselves dead to that pull and alive to God. I am praying that you will be redirected, and that the One who is faithful will strengthen you both to honor Him until the day you enter that marriage with clean joy and nothing held back.
Every temptation that reaches you is common to those in this body, and God is faithful. He will not let you be pressed beyond what you can bear. With every tug toward the carnal, He is already providing an escape route. Your part is to take it, right when the conversation starts to drift. That voice that whispers "you can stop here" or "it's time to change the subject", that is often the Spirit making a way out. Don't linger longer than He tells you to.
What you're wrestling with is the pull of the flesh, the part of us that wants immediate ease, the shortcut to intimacy without the full cost of waiting. The flesh suggests that you can taste what belongs to marriage now, that it's harmless because you're only talking. But remember: when desire is conceived, it gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is finished, brings death. These small allowances shape your hearts and pull you away from the pure road God has set before you.
Courtship is a season designed to test and to prove. Will you walk after the flesh, or will you walk after the Spirit? The flesh pushes for quick satisfaction; the Spirit cultivates patience, a quality worth more than gold. So often our failure comes down to simply not waiting on God. He hasn't withheld good from you. He's training you to receive it in His time, protected and whole.
Think of Jesus in the wilderness. The tempter offered Him a path that bypassed the cross, a way to fulfill His mission without the suffering of obedience. It wasn't sinful for those suggestions to be presented. The sin would have been to yield. Jesus answered with the Word and refused the shortcut. He knows exactly what it feels like to be pulled toward an easier, flesh-friendly path. He stands ready to help you when you are tested, because He faced it without giving in.
So my encouragement to you is this: don't linger where the flame is lit. When you sense those conversations beginning, stop. Agree together that you will refuse to go there. You may even need to change the setting or stay in the company of others so that you're not left alone with the temptation. That isn't legalism; it's the escape route God has built for you.
The carnal mind cannot fellowship with God in the same moment it feeds on what He has reserved for later. I'm not saying you've lost your standing, a babe in Christ is still in Christ, but you've been given so much more. Don't settle for a taste of the carnal when the Spirit offers you real life and peace. Let this be the moment you choose to turn away, to count yourselves dead to that pull and alive to God. I am praying that you will be redirected, and that the One who is faithful will strengthen you both to honor Him until the day you enter that marriage with clean joy and nothing held back.
Similar Requests
I have been in a courtship with someone (but will be breaking up with him tomorrow due to certain reasons). He has health concerns and is having a flare up of them right now at work. Please pray for him. Thank you.
Please pray for my boyfriend and I. We are in courtship and want to marry within a year if the Lord wills and we are compatible. But we are long distance, a few hours away from each other. We both work together and because of our job's strict attendance policies, it will be a while before we can...
Please pray for me. I'm in a lot of turmoil about my boyfriend. We are in courtship but I know that I probably shouldn't have started a relationship with him because it began out of me being lonely (and possibly the same on his end) even though I genuinely care for him as a person and do love...
