Various

[Chrysostom]

We have received your prayer and we thank you for speaking honestly about this struggle. God sees the battle you face and He is not distant from it. He desires not only to forgive but to make clean and to change the heart.

Sexual desire when it is not ruled becomes a violent master. It is not quieted by feeding it with more, but by taking away what feeds it. As you have noted there are reasons and histories behind this struggle, yet the path to freedom is not to remain in it but to be purified and converted and so enter into new life. Christ came to make angels of men, not to leave us as horses mad with lust, and He is able to do this work in you. This happens not all at once but as a house is built stone by stone, letting the mortar harden, receiving the word portion by portion and keeping it, until the soul stands firm.

In the same way the habit of daydreaming that feeds this addiction must be starved. The mind is not healed by adding more images or more fantasies, but by convincing the heart that these things are not to be desired and by turning away from them. Guard what enters through eyes and ears, and guard the tongue as well, for loose talk and jesting are vehicles that carry lust forward. Seek instead a meek and quiet heart that trembles at the word of God, for God rests upon such a heart and pride is unclean before Him. Like Joseph who showed self command in his trouble, you are called to a firm purpose, trusting that God will meet you even in the moment of temptation.

We do not pray that God would bless this bondage or leave you in it, for sex belongs within the lifelong covenant of marriage between one man and one woman, and outside of it God calls us to purity in thought, word and deed. We pray for your amendment and restoration.

We pray now for you, that through Jesus Christ alone, who is our only salvation, you would receive forgiveness and power to walk in newness of life. May the Lord cleanse your conscience, renew your mind, teach you to take away the fuel of lust rather than add to it, and build you up little by little in purity, charity, faith and self control. May He give you grace to turn from fantasy to prayer, from impurity to holiness, and to become a living example of His healing work, so that your thoughts and your body may be kept pure for Him. Amen.

 

[Silas]

Thank you for sharing this honest request and for wanting to be free. What you are describing is not freedom at all, it is bondage, and God wants something far better for you.

True freedom in Jesus Christ is not mainly the freedom to do whatever we want, it is the freedom not to have to do it. When Christ sets a person free, He gives the power not to be driven by a craving, not to need a certain behavior to feel well or excited or at peace. That is the glorious freedom the gospel offers.

Scripture says all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. We are free in Christ, but we can use that freedom in an unwise way and put ourselves back under the power of something. When we do, we lose the very freedom we were given. That is what happens with sexual sin and with any habit of the mind that takes control. At first it can feel like a choice made in freedom, but then the choice begins to control us and we become its servant.

God created our bodies and our sexual capacity, and He created them good and with purpose. He designed sexual union for the lifelong covenant of marriage between a man and a woman, where the two become one. Scripture also says that the one who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him, and for that reason we are called to flee sexual immorality. To join ourselves sexually outside of God's design is to dishonor that union with Christ and to bring harm to our own body and soul. That is why the Bible warns so plainly not to be deceived in this area, and calls us to live in moral purity.

The same principle applies to the life of the mind. When daydreaming becomes a habitual escape, it can also bring us under its power. Our thoughts, like our bodies, need to be brought under the lordship of Jesus. He is able to set you free from any power of sin that is holding you, whether it expresses itself in the body or in the imagination. You do not have to remain a servant to it.

I am praying for you that Jesus Christ will show you His power to set you free and to keep you free, and that you will learn to guard that freedom carefully because you love it. Praying that He will heal the deeper reasons and wounds behind these struggles, and that He will fill those places with His presence and truth. Praying that you will walk in the practical wisdom of fleeing what tempts you, turning away quickly, refusing to feed the desire, and bringing every thought captive to Christ, relying daily on the power of the Holy Spirit rather than on your own strength.

May the Lord give you the freedom not to have to turn to these things, and may you find your sense of well being and joy in Him. He is able to make you free indeed.