Silas
Beloved of All
Your honest prayer shows how deeply you have been hurt and how tired you are, tired of being mistreated, tired of lies and stealing, tired even of yourself for not speaking up sooner, and tired of carrying concern for your children and your mother while feeling overwhelmed by it all. God sees that pain and He does not take it lightly.
There is an anger that is not sinful, an anger at what is wrong and unjust and evil. Jesus showed anger when the house of God was dishonored and when hard hearts would have kept a suffering man from being healed. Scripture says be angry and do not sin, and do not let the sun go down on your anger. That kind of anger is grieved by sin itself, not driven by a desire to tear another person down.
What you are describing now has moved beyond that into something Scripture warns will harm you most of all. When anger is held and fed it becomes bitterness, and bitterness becomes wrath and loud quarreling and speaking evil of others and malice. Those things grieve the Holy Spirit, who is given to build up, not to put others down. One root of bitterness can trouble a whole life and defile many around it, and it puts the heart in what Scripture calls the gall of bitterness and the bond of iniquity. Bitterness does not heal you, it only wounds you further. You cannot afford to keep it.
That is why prayers that ask God to return filth and sin upon another person, to bring terror or sickness or death upon a woman and her children and grandchildren, to break another person's neck, to send someone to harm them, or to take away what they love most, are not prayers God wants you to pray. Vengeance belongs to the Lord. He is just and He will deal with evil in His way and time, but He calls you not to repay evil for evil and not to curse others, even those who have cursed you. To wish that harm be done to sons and daughters because their parent harmed you is to ask for what God forbids.
God does not hide the sins of people. Just as Scripture openly records the violent anger of men who wiped out a city and were still rebuked for it years later, God sees every lie, theft, adultery, threat and act of violence done against you. He also sees the way Esau's long anger was softened when God changed his heart and brought a reunion that was marked by embrace and weeping instead of revenge. God is able to change hearts, to bring justice, and to protect, without you having to become the judge.
The only way forward is through forgiveness and cleansing in Jesus Christ. He has made a righteous basis for forgiveness by taking our sin and its penalty upon Himself, so that joy and healing and encouragement can come. Scripture pictures a river of life flowing from the throne of God and leaves for the healing of the nations, and it gives a simple invitation to come. Come to Jesus, receive His love, receive His forgiveness, and be made a child of God. The one thing that keeps a person from that forgiveness is not coming to ask for it. If you have spoken curses, harbored hatred, or wished harm on others, you do not need to carry that on your conscience as a weight that haunts you. If you will repent and ask Him, He will forgive and cleanse. Satan may condemn you, others may condemn you, you may condemn yourself, but through faith in Jesus there is no condemnation before God.
Forgiveness is not a matter of counting how many times you must forgive. Jesus taught that it is a matter of the heart and the spirit, a willingness to forgive from the heart as you have been forgiven. You cannot manufacture that spirit on your own, but if you are willing, God will give you the capacity. Pray honestly, God, take away this bitterness, take away this unforgiving spirit, give me a spirit of forgiveness. He will help you if you are willing.
For your situation, pray differently than you have prayed here. Ask God to remove from your life and your children's lives those who do not belong there, not by cursing them but by giving you wisdom to set firm and godly boundaries and to stand firm in what you believe. Ask Him to protect you, your children and your mother from harm and from anyone who would threaten or use spiritual claims to control you. Ask Him to provide for your daily needs through good and honest work so you can pay your bills and care for your family on your own if needed. Ask Him to deal justly with those who have lied, cheated, stolen and committed adultery, and to bring them to repentance, while you leave judgment in His hands. If there are debts owed to you, like a torch and rings or money or property, ask God for a just resolution through right means, not through threats.
God desires marriage to be a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, and He desires sexual faithfulness within that covenant. He does not bless unfaithfulness or living together outside of that covenant. The right prayer is not that God would bless those wrong relationships, but that He would bring conviction, purity, and either true repentance and reconciliation where it is biblically right, or a clear and peaceful separation from what is sinful and harmful.
I am praying for you that God will lift this heavy burden of bitterness, that He will heal your heart, that He will guard your home, that He will provide for your needs, and that you will know the cleansing and peace that comes only through coming to Jesus and receiving His forgiveness. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and evil speaking be put away from you, and instead be kind and forgiving, even as God in Christ has forgiven you.
There is an anger that is not sinful, an anger at what is wrong and unjust and evil. Jesus showed anger when the house of God was dishonored and when hard hearts would have kept a suffering man from being healed. Scripture says be angry and do not sin, and do not let the sun go down on your anger. That kind of anger is grieved by sin itself, not driven by a desire to tear another person down.
What you are describing now has moved beyond that into something Scripture warns will harm you most of all. When anger is held and fed it becomes bitterness, and bitterness becomes wrath and loud quarreling and speaking evil of others and malice. Those things grieve the Holy Spirit, who is given to build up, not to put others down. One root of bitterness can trouble a whole life and defile many around it, and it puts the heart in what Scripture calls the gall of bitterness and the bond of iniquity. Bitterness does not heal you, it only wounds you further. You cannot afford to keep it.
That is why prayers that ask God to return filth and sin upon another person, to bring terror or sickness or death upon a woman and her children and grandchildren, to break another person's neck, to send someone to harm them, or to take away what they love most, are not prayers God wants you to pray. Vengeance belongs to the Lord. He is just and He will deal with evil in His way and time, but He calls you not to repay evil for evil and not to curse others, even those who have cursed you. To wish that harm be done to sons and daughters because their parent harmed you is to ask for what God forbids.
God does not hide the sins of people. Just as Scripture openly records the violent anger of men who wiped out a city and were still rebuked for it years later, God sees every lie, theft, adultery, threat and act of violence done against you. He also sees the way Esau's long anger was softened when God changed his heart and brought a reunion that was marked by embrace and weeping instead of revenge. God is able to change hearts, to bring justice, and to protect, without you having to become the judge.
The only way forward is through forgiveness and cleansing in Jesus Christ. He has made a righteous basis for forgiveness by taking our sin and its penalty upon Himself, so that joy and healing and encouragement can come. Scripture pictures a river of life flowing from the throne of God and leaves for the healing of the nations, and it gives a simple invitation to come. Come to Jesus, receive His love, receive His forgiveness, and be made a child of God. The one thing that keeps a person from that forgiveness is not coming to ask for it. If you have spoken curses, harbored hatred, or wished harm on others, you do not need to carry that on your conscience as a weight that haunts you. If you will repent and ask Him, He will forgive and cleanse. Satan may condemn you, others may condemn you, you may condemn yourself, but through faith in Jesus there is no condemnation before God.
Forgiveness is not a matter of counting how many times you must forgive. Jesus taught that it is a matter of the heart and the spirit, a willingness to forgive from the heart as you have been forgiven. You cannot manufacture that spirit on your own, but if you are willing, God will give you the capacity. Pray honestly, God, take away this bitterness, take away this unforgiving spirit, give me a spirit of forgiveness. He will help you if you are willing.
For your situation, pray differently than you have prayed here. Ask God to remove from your life and your children's lives those who do not belong there, not by cursing them but by giving you wisdom to set firm and godly boundaries and to stand firm in what you believe. Ask Him to protect you, your children and your mother from harm and from anyone who would threaten or use spiritual claims to control you. Ask Him to provide for your daily needs through good and honest work so you can pay your bills and care for your family on your own if needed. Ask Him to deal justly with those who have lied, cheated, stolen and committed adultery, and to bring them to repentance, while you leave judgment in His hands. If there are debts owed to you, like a torch and rings or money or property, ask God for a just resolution through right means, not through threats.
God desires marriage to be a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, and He desires sexual faithfulness within that covenant. He does not bless unfaithfulness or living together outside of that covenant. The right prayer is not that God would bless those wrong relationships, but that He would bring conviction, purity, and either true repentance and reconciliation where it is biblically right, or a clear and peaceful separation from what is sinful and harmful.
I am praying for you that God will lift this heavy burden of bitterness, that He will heal your heart, that He will guard your home, that He will provide for your needs, and that you will know the cleansing and peace that comes only through coming to Jesus and receiving His forgiveness. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and evil speaking be put away from you, and instead be kind and forgiving, even as God in Christ has forgiven you.
