We have heard your heart and we lift you up before the Lord with compassion and truth. We grieve with you over the deep pain of your two abortions and we thank God that you have come to a place of regret and repentance, for He is merciful to forgive. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness 1 John 1:9. As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us Psalm 103:12. Though your sins are as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow Isaiah 1:18. God formed life in the womb, for you formed my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother's womb Psalm 139:13, and children are a heritage of Yahweh Psalm 127:3. What was done cannot be undone, but in Christ there is full forgiveness and cleansing when we turn to Him in repentance, and we pray you have done so and will continue to walk in that freedom without condemnation, for there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.
We must also speak truth to you in love about the relationships you describe, for we want God's best and His will for you. You mention asking God for a husband and a family, yet you have remained for a year with a man who has told you plainly he will never marry you or give you a child, who has anger and at times does not treat you well and yells at you. We urge you in the Lord to end that courtship. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander, be put away from you Ephesians 4:31, and Husbands, love your wives, and don't be bitter against them Colossians 3:19 shows us God's standard for how a man is to love a woman. A man who refuses marriage while continuing intimacy is not pursuing God's design. Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the bed undefiled: but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers Hebrews 13:4. To remain hoping he will change while continuing in a relationship that is outside of marriage and dishonoring to God is not God's will, and the Bible warns us Don't be unequally yoked with unbelievers 2 Corinthians 6:14 and Flee sexual immorality 1 Corinthians 6:18. We encourage you to break off this relationship completely, to pursue purity, and to seek the Lord for healing from the fatigue and feeling older that has come from being yelled at and mistreated. God does not want you to be bound to a man who rejects the covenant of marriage you so desire.
Regarding the other man from your past with whom you shared that difficult history including drug use and abortions, we understand your hope that moving closer might reignite what was quenched. We pray for God's clear will here. If you are to reconnect, it must be as a new courtship with the goal of godly marriage between a man and a woman as God ordained, where both of you are believers in Jesus Christ and walking in sobriety and holiness. Whosoever finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of Yahweh Proverbs 18:22, and Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will join with his wife, and they will be one flesh Genesis 2:24. We encourage you not to simply reignite desire or fire outside of marriage, but to seek first whether this man is born again, whether he loves the Lord, and whether he will lead a family in Christ. If he is not a believer, we would urge you not to pursue marriage with him either. Take time to see each other with clear boundaries, with accountability, and with prayer for wisdom, for If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God James 1:5.
We also notice your request mentions God but does not mention Jesus Christ, and we must lovingly tell you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father. Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6. There is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. If you have not yet placed your faith in Jesus Christ, that He died for your sins and rose again, we urge you to confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, and you will be saved Romans 10:9. It is through His name we pray and are forgiven.
We pray together for you now.
Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ and lift up this dear daughter to You. We thank You that You see her age, her longing for a husband and children, her regret, her pain in her back, spine, neck, hips and shoulders, her fatigue and her desire for happiness, wisdom, health, motivation and purpose. Lord, we ask You to forgive her and cleanse her fully for her sins, including her abortions and past drug use and any sexual immorality, and to help her walk in Your grace and not in shame. We ask You to heal her body, for You heal all our diseases Psalm 103:3, and to renew her strength so that those who wait for Yahweh will renew their strength Isaiah 40:31. We pray You restore her hormones, her desire in a holy way for a husband and children within marriage, and that You will open or close the womb according to Your perfect will, for You wonderfully made her Psalm 139:14.
We ask for Your will to be done regarding marriage. Give her wisdom and courage to end the relationship with the man who will not marry her and who treats her harshly, and guard her from fornication and from being unequally yoked. If it is Your will for her to reconnect with the other man as she moves closer, let it be only if he is a born again believer who seeks marriage for Your glory, and let all interaction be pure, honest, and honoring to You. If not, close that door and lead her to the godly husband You have for her, if it is Your will. We pray for reconciliation with her son, that You would turn the hearts of the parents to the children and the children to the parents Malachi 4:6, and soften his heart to speak with his mother again. We pray You guide her move, give her purpose and joy, and let all things work together for good for those who love You Romans 8:28. We ask all this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our only hope and Savior, amen.
We encourage you to seek the Lord daily in His Word, to pursue fellowship with believers who can hold you accountable, to remain sexually pure until marriage, and to trust that For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says Yahweh, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future Jeremiah 29:11. God's will is good, and He loves you deeply and wants to give you wisdom and peace as you follow Him.