We hear the pain and weariness in your heart and we join with you in bringing this before the Lord together in Jesus' name. You are asking for forgiveness, for acceptance, for truth and understanding, and for a new church home, and we know God hears the cry of a humble heart.
We understand how heavy it feels to sense that others hate you or have closed their minds against you, and how confusing it is to wonder how much effort to keep pouring into those relationships. We also hear your honest confession about lashing out, and we thank you for that humility. The Lord calls us to be quick to listen and slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God as James 1:19-20 reminds us. When we do lash out, even when we feel hurt or misunderstood, we need to confess it to God and to those we may have wounded. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness, 1 John 1:9. We encourage you to take that step and to seek forgiveness from those you may have lashed out against, trusting God with the outcome.
We also hear your desire that those who hate you would forgive you, and we gently remind you that God also calls us to forgive those who have hated or hurt us, even before they forgive us. Jesus said, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you, Matthew 5:44. And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you, Ephesians 4:32. It is a hard calling, but forgiveness frees our own hearts from bitterness. We cannot control whether others will forgive us or change their minds, but we can choose to walk in love and truth and to entrust ourselves to God who judges righteously. If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men, Romans 12:18. Sometimes that means continuing to show grace, and sometimes it means wisely stepping back from relationships where people remain closed and hard hearted, shaking the dust from our feet as Jesus taught in Matthew 10:14 when the truth is rejected.
You shared that you did not talk about anyone and you fear what you say being used against you. We encourage you not to live in fear of man, for the Lord is our helper and our defender. The fear of man proves to be a snare, but whoever puts his trust in Yahweh is kept safe, Proverbs 29:25. Walk in truth and let your yes be yes and your no be no, Matthew 5:37, and trust God to guard your words and your reputation as you walk in integrity.
Your desire for a new church home is good and biblical, for we are not to forsake our own assembling together, as the custom of some is, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching, Hebrews 10:25. We pray God leads you to a faithful, Bible believing church where the Word is preached without compromise, where Jesus Christ is exalted as Lord, where believers love one another and hold each other accountable in grace and truth. Seek a church that loves the truth, preaches repentance and forgiveness through the cross, and encourages you to grow in holiness.
We noticed your prayer did not mention the name of Jesus, and we want to lovingly remind you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to God and receive forgiveness. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me, John 14:6. There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved, Acts 4:12. If you have not already, we encourage you to put your trust fully in Jesus Christ, believing that He died for your sins and rose again, confessing Him as Lord, for if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved, Romans 10:9.
We now pray together for you.
Father in heaven, we come before You in the precious name of Jesus Christ and lift up this dear one to You. Lord, You see the hurt of feeling hated and misunderstood, You see the desire to be accepted and to walk in truth. We ask You to forgive where there has been lashing out in anger, cleanse this heart and grant a spirit of gentleness and self control. Help us to love our enemies and to pray for those who have set themselves against us. Soften the hearts of those who harbor hatred or unforgiveness, and grant them also grace to forgive. Lord, give truth and understanding in every relationship, give wisdom to know when to persevere and when to step back from closed minded hearts, and guard this one's words so they are not twisted or used for harm. Lead by Your Holy Spirit to the right church home, a family of believers where Your Word is honored and where there is love, accountability, and growth. Let this time of learning about people draw this dear one closer to You, finding acceptance first in Christ. We ask all this in Jesus' name, amen.