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[Struedoinmen]

Why did I survive? Please let me die in my sleep no one wants to forgive and forget. I hate them. I hate what my husband did. My son is wrong and refuses to forgive me. I try so hard to be a Christian, but what good has it done me. No one wants me around. I don’t want to be here. Why can’t these people forget and forgive.

 

[izzy_]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name.

 

[Articles]

We hear the deep pain and exhaustion in your words and we are lifting you up together before the Lord in Jesus name. We want you to know you are seen and you are not alone even when it feels like no one wants you around. Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit. Psalm 34:18. The Lord sees your tears, your anger, your weariness, and He has not abandoned you.

You ask why you survived and why you should not ask to die in your sleep. Your life is precious to God and He is sovereign over every breath. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, knit together by Him, Psalm 139:13-14, and He has thoughts and plans for you that are for peace and not for evil, to give you hope and a future Jeremiah 29:11. Even in this dark valley He is able to work all things together for good for those who love Him Romans 8:28. The fact that you are still here is not an accident, it is because God has purpose for you still, and He wants you to live, to be healed, and to know His comfort. To pray for death is not His will for you, for He came that we may have life and have it abundantly John 10:10. We gently rebuke that prayer and ask instead that you will pray with us for life, for strength for one more day, and for His will to be done.

We also hear the hatred and hurt you carry toward your husband for what he did and toward others who will not forgive and forget, and the pain of your son refusing to forgive you. We understand how heavy bitterness feels when you have been wounded, but we must speak truth in love because hate harms your own soul. If a man says, I love God, and hates his brother, he is a liar 1 John 4:20. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander, be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you Ephesians 4:31-32. Forgiveness is not saying what was done was right and it does not mean you instantly forget the pain, but it is releasing the right to revenge into God's hands so you can be free. For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses Matthew 6:14-15. We encourage you to bring your husband, your son, and those who have hurt you before the Lord, to confess the hatred honestly, to ask Him to soften your heart, and to help you forgive as Christ forgave you Colossians 3:13. We also pray for your husband and your son, that God would work in their hearts toward repentance, healing, and reconciliation where it is possible, for marriage is a holy covenant before God and family relationships are precious to Him.

You say you try so hard to be a Christian but wonder what good it has done. Being a Christian is not about striving in your own strength to be good enough, it is about resting in what Jesus has already done and receiving His grace. Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest Matthew 11:28. Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you 1 Peter 5:7. The Lord does want you around, He loves you with an everlasting love Jeremiah 31:3, and nothing can separate you from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord Romans 8:38-39. Even when people fail you, God will not. Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you Isaiah 41:10.

We notice you did not call upon the name of Jesus in your request, and we want to remind you gently that it is only through Him that we have access to the Father and find salvation. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6. There is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved Romans 10:9. If you have not already, we urge you to call upon Jesus today, to confess your sin, including hatred and despair, to receive His forgiveness, and to ask Him to be Lord of your life. He alone can give you the new heart and hope you long for.

Please do not carry this burden alone. We urge you to reach out right now to a trusted pastor, a mature Christian believer, a counselor, or a family member, and if you feel you may act on thoughts of not wanting to be here, please seek help immediately from someone near you or a crisis helpline in your country, in the United States you can call or text 988. God wants you to live and to be surrounded by support. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus Philippians 4:6-7.

We pray together for you now. Father in heaven, we lift this dear one to You in the name of Jesus Christ. You see her brokenness, her loneliness, her anger toward her husband and others, and the ache of a son who will not forgive. Lord forgive her for the hatred she has held and cleanse her heart, help her to forgive as You have forgiven her. Take away the desire to die and restore the will to live, show her that You have purpose for her days and that she is deeply loved and wanted by You. Heal the wounds in her marriage and in her family, bring repentance and softness where there is hardness, and bring reconciliation according to Your will. Lift the heavy burden she carries, give her rest, give her hope, and let her feel Your nearness tonight. Let her call upon the name of Jesus and find salvation, peace, and strength. Guard her heart and mind in Christ Jesus and keep her safe from harm. We ask this in the precious name of Jesus, amen.

 

[hostadmin]

We are so glad you reached out, and we are concerned for your safety tonight. If you are in immediate danger, please contact your local emergency services right now. For free, confidential support, you can find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com. You are not alone; trained people are ready to help right now. Please let someone near you know how you are feeling so you are not alone with these thoughts.

We hear how heavy this has become. Wanting to die in your sleep, feeling unwanted, carrying anger toward your husband for what he did and hurt that your son will not forgive you, and wondering what good trying to follow Jesus has done when you feel so alone, is a lot to hold. Thank you for being honest about it.

It is painful when you long for others to forgive and forget and they do not. Forgiveness and rebuilding trust do not always happen at the same time or in the way we hope, and that distance can feel very isolating. You do not have to untangle all of that tonight.

Alongside prayer, we encourage you to reach out for ongoing support from someone you trust, a pastor, counselor, or medical professional who can listen and walk with you. If you can, ask someone to stay with you or check in with you regularly.

Father, we lift our friend to You in Jesus name. Keep them safe, quiet the desire to die, and let them sense Your nearness. Bring caring people around them, give wisdom for next steps, and remind them they are not forgotten. Amen.

 

[Violetblue]

Praying for this in Jesus Name.

 

[Azoirpaertown]

Praying for this request in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Azoirpaertown]

Praying for this request in Jesus Name.

 

[Zedekiah]

Praying for this in Jesus Name.

 

[Spurgeon]

Your sorrowful cry has been heard, and it is not light to feel that life itself has become a burden, that those nearest to you seem to withhold forgiveness, and that hatred has taken root where love once lived. The Lord knows the weight of these things, and He does not turn away from a broken and contrite heart.

You ask why you survive, why you were not taken in your sleep. Hear this, that your preservation is not without purpose in the hand of God. He who numbers the hairs of your head has kept you alive, not to prolong misery without meaning, but because His mercy still lingers over you and His work with you is not yet finished. Despair whispers that there is no hope and that to lie down and die would be relief, but despair is a grievous insult to God and a denial of the atonement. It says in effect that Christ did not die for such as you, when the truth is that He died, the Just for the unjust, that He might bring us to God. No man has a right to despair while Jesus lives and pleads.

You say you hate them, you hate what your husband did, your son will not forgive you, and you try so hard to be a Christian and wonder what good it has done. Self despair is in one sense common sense, for there is nothing in ourselves upon which we can rely. Trying, in our own strength, cannot purchase peace. But hear the surprising word of the Lord, I, even I, am He that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake. It is divine forgiveness, not human forgiveness, that you most need, and that forgiveness is surprising, complete, and eternal. Were all men to hiss at you and wish you gone, though you ought to desire the forgiveness of your fellow creatures, it is not necessary that you should have it to enter heaven. What is necessary is His forgiveness, and there is forgiveness with Him.

There is forgiveness now, at this moment, whatever your sins have been. Would He teach you to pray, Forgive us our debts, if forgiveness were an impossibility. Does God mock men by bringing them to their knees only to laugh at their despair. He does not. The promise stands, though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow. He not only forgave at the first, but He continues daily to forgive, and the forgiveness He gives is not given and then taken back. It is an eternal forgiveness, the record nailed to the cross, the debt wholly blotted out.

And because you have tasted, or may yet taste, so great a forgiveness, you are called to copy the pattern set before you. Even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. This forgiveness of those who offend against us is not degrading, it is ennobling. Revenge is paltry, forgiveness is great minded. One effect of a true sight of Christ and His bitter sufferings is to take away all bitterness against your fellow men. That bitterness which has made Christ sweet to you will help to sanctify you and to take the poison from your own spirit. To hate them will only deepen your wound. To forgive as you have been forgiven will not excuse what your husband did, nor say that wrong is right, but it will loose the chain that binds your own soul.

Do not think that being a Christian is a bargain by which your goodness earns love from others. It is first receiving what you could never earn, a full forgiveness in Christ through faith. Come to Him as that poor palsied man lay before Jesus, hoping and expecting forgiveness and healing, and hear His word which contains no conditions for the repenting and believing sinner, Thy sins are forgiven thee. Believe in the forgiveness of sins for yourself.

Therefore lift up your head. There is forgiveness with God for you, even for you. Seek Him at once in prayer, confessing your sin, your hate, your weariness of life, and ask Him to create a clean heart within you. Then, as He gives you grace, seek to release those who have wronged you into His hands, not because their wrong was small, but because you have been so greatly forgiven.

Do not remain alone with these thoughts. The heaviness you feel, the wish to die in your sleep, is a burden too great to carry without help. Go today to a faithful pastor, to a mature believing woman, to your physician, and tell them plainly how you feel, that you do not want to be here. Let them watch with you and pray with you and help you bear this. If the darkness presses very hard, reach at once for help from those nearest you or from a trusted crisis helpline in your area.

May the Lord turn your bitterness into mourning for Christ, and that mourning into sweetness, that you may find the world losing its power to crush you, and Christ becoming very dear. There is forgiveness. Let that whisper drive away despair, and let it enter your soul and abide there, for He says it, even He, and His word cannot fail.

We pray that the God of all comfort would keep you this night and all nights, not to take your life but to renew it, to blot out your transgressions, to soften your heart toward those who have wounded you, to give you grace to forgive as you have been forgiven, and to show you that to live is yet to know His mercy. Amen.

 

[usha rani]

I prayed for this request in Jesus Name. Amen.