Silas
Beloved of All
Thank you for pouring out your heart with such honesty and with so much Scripture. Your desire to forgive as Christ forgave, to seek mercy rather than judgment, and to see repentance and new life is right before the Lord, and it reflects the heart of God who was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting our sins against us.
What you have described about forgiveness is important to hold together in a biblical way. You are right to forgive your wife from your heart, as Jesus prayed, Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing, and as Stephen prayed while being stoned, Lord do not hold this sin against them. That forgiveness on your part is obedience to what Jesus taught, that we forgive others as we have been forgiven, and it frees you before God and shows that you have received His mercy. At the same time, your forgiveness of another person does not by itself bring that person forgiveness from God. Sin is ultimately against God, because He is the One who gave the command, and only He can grant remission of sins. A person must personally turn to God and ask Him for forgiveness through Jesus Christ. That is why the pattern in Scripture always joins forgiveness with repentance.
That is also why Jesus, after showing mercy, always added a clear warning. To the man healed at the pool He said, sin no more lest something worse come upon you. To the woman taken in adultery He said, neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more. Mercy was pronounced, but it was never permission to continue in sin. The kindness of God is meant to lead to repentance, and true repentance means a change of mind and direction, a turning away from sin and a turning to God. John baptized with a baptism of repentance for the remission of sins, calling people to confess their sins. Jesus came saying He did not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance. Again and again in the Gospels and even when He speaks to the churches in Revelation, His call is to repent and become what He intends us to be. If He were to speak to any of us today, that call would still be to repent.
It is right that you are not only praying about the painful symptoms in your marriage but about the deeper root, which is sin and the need for a new heart. Many prayers stay at the level of circumstances and feelings, but the basic problem is the heart that is blinded and needs light. Scripture says the god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, but God shines light into hearts to give the knowledge of His glory in the face of Christ. That light comes through His Word. What is needed is what God promised through Ezekiel, to remove the heart of stone and give a heart of flesh and put a new spirit within, and what Jesus described to Nicodemus, that unless a person is born again he cannot see or enter the kingdom of God. Without holiness no one will see the Lord, and the works of the flesh, including sexual immorality and adultery, are plain and those who practice such things without repentance will not inherit the kingdom. God cannot be mocked. These warnings are given not to condemn but to awaken, because God takes no pleasure in the death of the wicked but desires that the wicked turn from his way and live, that all would be saved and come to the knowledge of the truth, that none should perish but all should come to repentance.
There is only one provision God has made for that forgiveness and new life, and that is Jesus Christ Himself. God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. He was made sin for us who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God. There is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus. To reject that provision leaves no other forgiveness, in this age or the age to come. The unpardonable sin in that sense is to finally refuse the Holy Spirit's testimony about Christ and turn away from the only Savior God has provided. But for anyone who turns, who confesses and believes, there is full forgiveness, cleansing, and justification by grace, becoming an heir of the hope of eternal life and being renewed by the washing of regeneration.
The sign that this turning is real is a changed life. When true conversion happened in the Gospels, publicans and sinners who followed Jesus showed repentance, change, and where possible, restoration. Faith is not only words but a new walk. That is why Scripture calls us to turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, to receive an inheritance among those sanctified by faith in Christ, to let the Word that is planted within us become flesh in how we live, to be living letters known and read by all, and to be sanctified by the truth, for His Word is truth.
In that light, your prayers for your wife are exactly where they should be, that God would grant her wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, that the fear of the Lord which is the beginning of wisdom would take root, that no one would deceive her, that her eyes would be opened, that she would repent for the remission of sins and experience times of refreshing, that she would be kept from temptation and the evil one, and that the light of Christ would shine into her heart. It is also right to pray for protection over your family, especially the young ones, that they would not stumble, and to ask God to keep you and all who love her from being drawn into darkness, but to remain in the world while being guarded from evil.
Concerning marriage, Scripture holds it as a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman, with sexual union belonging only within that covenant. Adultery breaks that covenant and is grievous to God and destructive to people, as Proverbs warns. Jesus did speak of sexual immorality as that which violates the covenant, and Paul speaks of abandonment by an unbelieving spouse. Yet even where permission is described, the heart of God is always first toward repentance, reconciliation, and life. Your desire to ask for mercy and for her salvation, to see her turn from error and be saved from death and to see Christ and the church displayed in your marriage, reflects the love that abounds in knowledge and discernment and chooses what is excellent. Continue to seek wisdom from above, for God gives generously to those who ask, and to hold your request as Jesus did in the garden, nevertheless not my will but Yours be done.
Keep walking in what you are already doing, praying, seeking the Lord, and as you are able, fasting, for fasting lends wings to prayer when joined to a humble heart. Stay rooted in the Word, let it teach what is true, expose what is wrong, correct and train in righteousness, and use it daily so that it shapes real obedience. Remain in fellowship where you can receive honest pastoral counsel and where the call to discipleship is clear, and do not walk this road alone. Trust that God hears prayer offered in Jesus name, and that He is able to give a new heart, to cause new birth, and to make His love publicly portrayed in transformed lives.
May the Lord grant you sustained grace, discipline, and discernment in the days ahead, soften and awaken her heart, guard your household, and above all accomplish His perfect will, which is always good, merciful, and holy.
What you have described about forgiveness is important to hold together in a biblical way. You are right to forgive your wife from your heart, as Jesus prayed, Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing, and as Stephen prayed while being stoned, Lord do not hold this sin against them. That forgiveness on your part is obedience to what Jesus taught, that we forgive others as we have been forgiven, and it frees you before God and shows that you have received His mercy. At the same time, your forgiveness of another person does not by itself bring that person forgiveness from God. Sin is ultimately against God, because He is the One who gave the command, and only He can grant remission of sins. A person must personally turn to God and ask Him for forgiveness through Jesus Christ. That is why the pattern in Scripture always joins forgiveness with repentance.
That is also why Jesus, after showing mercy, always added a clear warning. To the man healed at the pool He said, sin no more lest something worse come upon you. To the woman taken in adultery He said, neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more. Mercy was pronounced, but it was never permission to continue in sin. The kindness of God is meant to lead to repentance, and true repentance means a change of mind and direction, a turning away from sin and a turning to God. John baptized with a baptism of repentance for the remission of sins, calling people to confess their sins. Jesus came saying He did not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance. Again and again in the Gospels and even when He speaks to the churches in Revelation, His call is to repent and become what He intends us to be. If He were to speak to any of us today, that call would still be to repent.
It is right that you are not only praying about the painful symptoms in your marriage but about the deeper root, which is sin and the need for a new heart. Many prayers stay at the level of circumstances and feelings, but the basic problem is the heart that is blinded and needs light. Scripture says the god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, but God shines light into hearts to give the knowledge of His glory in the face of Christ. That light comes through His Word. What is needed is what God promised through Ezekiel, to remove the heart of stone and give a heart of flesh and put a new spirit within, and what Jesus described to Nicodemus, that unless a person is born again he cannot see or enter the kingdom of God. Without holiness no one will see the Lord, and the works of the flesh, including sexual immorality and adultery, are plain and those who practice such things without repentance will not inherit the kingdom. God cannot be mocked. These warnings are given not to condemn but to awaken, because God takes no pleasure in the death of the wicked but desires that the wicked turn from his way and live, that all would be saved and come to the knowledge of the truth, that none should perish but all should come to repentance.
There is only one provision God has made for that forgiveness and new life, and that is Jesus Christ Himself. God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. He was made sin for us who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God. There is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus. To reject that provision leaves no other forgiveness, in this age or the age to come. The unpardonable sin in that sense is to finally refuse the Holy Spirit's testimony about Christ and turn away from the only Savior God has provided. But for anyone who turns, who confesses and believes, there is full forgiveness, cleansing, and justification by grace, becoming an heir of the hope of eternal life and being renewed by the washing of regeneration.
The sign that this turning is real is a changed life. When true conversion happened in the Gospels, publicans and sinners who followed Jesus showed repentance, change, and where possible, restoration. Faith is not only words but a new walk. That is why Scripture calls us to turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, to receive an inheritance among those sanctified by faith in Christ, to let the Word that is planted within us become flesh in how we live, to be living letters known and read by all, and to be sanctified by the truth, for His Word is truth.
In that light, your prayers for your wife are exactly where they should be, that God would grant her wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, that the fear of the Lord which is the beginning of wisdom would take root, that no one would deceive her, that her eyes would be opened, that she would repent for the remission of sins and experience times of refreshing, that she would be kept from temptation and the evil one, and that the light of Christ would shine into her heart. It is also right to pray for protection over your family, especially the young ones, that they would not stumble, and to ask God to keep you and all who love her from being drawn into darkness, but to remain in the world while being guarded from evil.
Concerning marriage, Scripture holds it as a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman, with sexual union belonging only within that covenant. Adultery breaks that covenant and is grievous to God and destructive to people, as Proverbs warns. Jesus did speak of sexual immorality as that which violates the covenant, and Paul speaks of abandonment by an unbelieving spouse. Yet even where permission is described, the heart of God is always first toward repentance, reconciliation, and life. Your desire to ask for mercy and for her salvation, to see her turn from error and be saved from death and to see Christ and the church displayed in your marriage, reflects the love that abounds in knowledge and discernment and chooses what is excellent. Continue to seek wisdom from above, for God gives generously to those who ask, and to hold your request as Jesus did in the garden, nevertheless not my will but Yours be done.
Keep walking in what you are already doing, praying, seeking the Lord, and as you are able, fasting, for fasting lends wings to prayer when joined to a humble heart. Stay rooted in the Word, let it teach what is true, expose what is wrong, correct and train in righteousness, and use it daily so that it shapes real obedience. Remain in fellowship where you can receive honest pastoral counsel and where the call to discipleship is clear, and do not walk this road alone. Trust that God hears prayer offered in Jesus name, and that He is able to give a new heart, to cause new birth, and to make His love publicly portrayed in transformed lives.
May the Lord grant you sustained grace, discipline, and discernment in the days ahead, soften and awaken her heart, guard your household, and above all accomplish His perfect will, which is always good, merciful, and holy.
