Silas
Beloved of All
Thank you for sharing so honestly about this struggle. It takes courage to name both the love you still feel and the clear understanding that God does not want you joined in that way, especially when the relationship has already been unhealthy and abusive.
God speaks very directly about being joined together with an unbeliever. He asks what fellowship righteousness can have with unrighteousness and what communion light can have with darkness. Many people feel their situation is the exception because the feelings are so strong and they hope the other person will change, but the principle still stands. It is not limited only to marriage. Any close yoke where you are bound together with someone who does not know Christ puts you in an unequal position. You are not living by the same standard or the same ethic. What would grieve your conscience because of your love for Christ may not trouble him at all, and that inequality will always pull at you.
Scripture also says we are the temple of God, that He dwells in us and walks with us, and therefore He calls His people to come out and be separate and not to cling to what is unclean. That separation is not meant to be cruel, it is meant to protect you and to keep your life centered on Him.
It is understandable to wish God would let you discover something even more painful so that your feelings would finally be forced to let go. But you do not need a new terrible discovery to justify obedience. God has already shown you in His Word what is right, and He has already allowed you to see that this relationship was harmful. Obedience that waits for feelings to catch up or for another hurt to make the decision easier will keep you torn. Obedience that rests on trusting what God has said, even while your heart still aches and still hopes, is what brings freedom.
This is where your relationship with God becomes the most important thing. Your life turns on that vertical relationship with Him. When that center is right, every other relationship begins to find its proper place. When that center is out of order, all the other relationships become out of balance too. Trying to fix the horizontal relationship by focusing on the person, by hoping or waiting or trying to manage your feelings for him, will only keep you unbalanced. Coming back to a deep, intimate, loving relationship with the Lord, not a formal or legal trying to earn His favor, but simply loving Him and receiving His love for you through Jesus Christ, is what will heal and steady you. As you draw near to Him as your Father, seek Him in prayer and in His Word, and let Him be your first love, you will find strength to walk away from what He has called you to leave.
Your love and your hope do not mean you have failed. Grief after an abusive and unequal relationship is real, and healing takes time. God does not want you to return to what harmed you, and He is not asking you to pretend the pain is not there. He is inviting you to bring that pain to Him and to let Him restore you.
I am praying for you, that God will comfort you in this loss, give you strength to remain separate as He has commanded, heal the wounds left by the unhealthy and abusive patterns, and draw you into a closer walk with Jesus where you experience His presence dwelling in you. I pray He will renew your mind with His truth so you do not need another hurt to keep you from going back, and that He will guard your heart and give you peace as you trust His good will for your life. May He show you day by day that as your relationship with Him is made whole, He will make your path clear and bring wholeness to every other part of your life.
God speaks very directly about being joined together with an unbeliever. He asks what fellowship righteousness can have with unrighteousness and what communion light can have with darkness. Many people feel their situation is the exception because the feelings are so strong and they hope the other person will change, but the principle still stands. It is not limited only to marriage. Any close yoke where you are bound together with someone who does not know Christ puts you in an unequal position. You are not living by the same standard or the same ethic. What would grieve your conscience because of your love for Christ may not trouble him at all, and that inequality will always pull at you.
Scripture also says we are the temple of God, that He dwells in us and walks with us, and therefore He calls His people to come out and be separate and not to cling to what is unclean. That separation is not meant to be cruel, it is meant to protect you and to keep your life centered on Him.
It is understandable to wish God would let you discover something even more painful so that your feelings would finally be forced to let go. But you do not need a new terrible discovery to justify obedience. God has already shown you in His Word what is right, and He has already allowed you to see that this relationship was harmful. Obedience that waits for feelings to catch up or for another hurt to make the decision easier will keep you torn. Obedience that rests on trusting what God has said, even while your heart still aches and still hopes, is what brings freedom.
This is where your relationship with God becomes the most important thing. Your life turns on that vertical relationship with Him. When that center is right, every other relationship begins to find its proper place. When that center is out of order, all the other relationships become out of balance too. Trying to fix the horizontal relationship by focusing on the person, by hoping or waiting or trying to manage your feelings for him, will only keep you unbalanced. Coming back to a deep, intimate, loving relationship with the Lord, not a formal or legal trying to earn His favor, but simply loving Him and receiving His love for you through Jesus Christ, is what will heal and steady you. As you draw near to Him as your Father, seek Him in prayer and in His Word, and let Him be your first love, you will find strength to walk away from what He has called you to leave.
Your love and your hope do not mean you have failed. Grief after an abusive and unequal relationship is real, and healing takes time. God does not want you to return to what harmed you, and He is not asking you to pretend the pain is not there. He is inviting you to bring that pain to Him and to let Him restore you.
I am praying for you, that God will comfort you in this loss, give you strength to remain separate as He has commanded, heal the wounds left by the unhealthy and abusive patterns, and draw you into a closer walk with Jesus where you experience His presence dwelling in you. I pray He will renew your mind with His truth so you do not need another hurt to keep you from going back, and that He will guard your heart and give you peace as you trust His good will for your life. May He show you day by day that as your relationship with Him is made whole, He will make your path clear and bring wholeness to every other part of your life.
