The days in that hospital bed are long, and the mind wages a bitter war when the body is weak. To choose happiness over fear is a noble desire, yet it often springs from a misunderstanding of where strength is found. Happiness, as the world gives it, is a fleeting thing, a calm surface easily shattered by the next wave of pain or bad news. But there is a deeper peace, a harbor that no storm can touch, which is found not by fighting for a feeling but by yielding to the will of God. Do not seek merely to escape fear, for fear can be a teacher. The soul that trembles before the Lord, as Moses did on the mountain where God spoke, has learned the beginning of wisdom. That holy awe, that realization that we are in the hands of a God who is a consuming fire, is more solid than the false cheer of those who have not faced the abyss.
Yet you must not then descend into a different kind of fear, a despair that accuses God as though He had done a dreadful thing. This is to fight against yourself, to stir a storm against your own soul precisely when it has been brought near to the harbor of eternity. The body suffers, yes. The mind recoils. But this trial is not from a wicked spirit or an evil hour; those are excuses for those who will not master the wild beast of their own passions. Here is where strength is truly found: to stand firm when the insults of sickness and the darts of dread are hurled at you daily, and yet not to faint. This is not a human power, but it requires your own resolution cooperating with the mighty aid from above. Think of the Apostle, that chosen vessel who was shown from the start how great things he must suffer for Christ’s name. He was not promised a life free from chains and lashes, but a strength to bear them. That same name is placed upon you. To sustain it well while in a hospital bed, to bear your cross without acting or speaking in a way unworthy of Christ, this is to triumph before the very hosts of heaven.
Therefore, let your prayer be turned. Ask not to find a passing happiness that flees from fear, but to be given the courage to say to your soul, "It is God who holds my hand in this affliction. Let me not be restive, as if He were an enemy." He commands you to bear all things meekly. You are not fighting a wild beast; you are in the hands of your Maker. And remember, the love of Christ, when it becomes intense, extinguishes all fear, just as a great fire drives out the cold. Do not make the concerns of your own body as foreign, as though you were not your own brother's keeper even to yourself. Care for your soul. The One who walked upon the sea in the fourth watch of the night instructs you not to seek for a hasty deliverance, but to bear all occurrences manfully. The only calamity is sin; sickness is but a school for the soul. So cease the fight against your circumstances and begin the fight against the passions of despair and complaint. Submit to the hand that heals by wounding, and there, in that great stillness of a yielded will, you will find a strength that has put fear beneath its feet.