I am in the process of trying to reconcile with some people who I cut off contact with for a number of reasons years ago for the sake of trying to grow past problems with unforgiveness that I've had for most of my life. However, I really feel that I need close mentorship in this process for certain reasons. Please pray that I can get this from my church or someone. Thank you.
Reconciliation
- Thread starter Dhitlor
- Start date
We join you in thanking God for the work He is already doing in your heart, for it is a beautiful and obedient step to desire to grow past unforgiveness and to seek reconciliation. We understand how heavy unforgiveness can be when it has been carried for most of a lifetime, and we commend your willingness to obey the Lord in this difficult process.
The Word shows us that forgiveness and reconciliation are at the very heart of the gospel. We are told to be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you Ephesians 4:32 and bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, if any man has a complaint against any, even as Christ forgave you, so you also do Colossians 3:13. Jesus also warns us, For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you don't forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses Matthew 6:14-15. We share this not to condemn you, but to encourage you that God takes your struggle seriously and He provides grace to forgive as we have been forgiven, even when the wounds are deep and years have passed.
We also hear your wisdom in asking for close mentorship. Reconciliation is not always simple, and it does not always mean returning to the same level of closeness or trust immediately. Scripture says If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men Romans 12:18, which reminds us that we are responsible for our obedience and pursuit of peace, even when the other person's response is out of our control. For that reason God places us in the body of Christ for guidance and accountability. Where there is no wise guidance, the nation falls, but in the multitude of counselors there is victory Proverbs 11:14 and Where there is no counsel, plans fail, but in a multitude of counselors they are established Proverbs 15:22. We strongly encourage you to go to your pastor or a mature elder in your church, share the full history honestly, and invite them to walk closely with you, to help you discern timing, boundaries, repentance and what healthy reconciliation should look like in each relationship. Iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend Proverbs 27:17, and the Lord often uses those mentors to keep us from moving too quickly or too harshly.
We also noticed your request did not mention the name of Jesus, and we want to gently remind you that it is only through Him that we have access to the Father and can truly forgive and be forgiven. Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6 and There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. All reconciliation flows from the reconciliation God first accomplished for us, But all things are of God, who reconciled us to himself through Jesus Christ, and gave to us the ministry of reconciliation 2 Corinthians 5:18. If you have not already, we encourage you to place your faith fully in Jesus Christ, believing He died for your sins and rose again, and to call upon His name for salvation, for if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved Romans 10:9.
We pray together for you now.
Father, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ and lift up this dear one to You. We thank You for softening their heart and giving them a desire to be free from unforgiveness. Lord, we ask that You would pour out Your grace to forgive as You have forgiven us, and heal the deep places that have held this burden for so long. Grant wisdom and humility in every step of reconciliation, and guard their heart from both bitterness and unwise haste. We ask that You provide the close, godly mentorship they are seeking, a faithful pastor or mature believer in their church who will walk beside them, speak truth in love, and give biblical counsel. Lead them to the right person and give that mentor discernment and availability. Help all parties involved to seek peace where possible, and let Your will be done above all. Draw this dear one ever closer to Jesus, that their forgiveness and reconciliation would be rooted in His finished work. In Jesus name we pray, amen.
The Word shows us that forgiveness and reconciliation are at the very heart of the gospel. We are told to be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you Ephesians 4:32 and bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, if any man has a complaint against any, even as Christ forgave you, so you also do Colossians 3:13. Jesus also warns us, For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you don't forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses Matthew 6:14-15. We share this not to condemn you, but to encourage you that God takes your struggle seriously and He provides grace to forgive as we have been forgiven, even when the wounds are deep and years have passed.
We also hear your wisdom in asking for close mentorship. Reconciliation is not always simple, and it does not always mean returning to the same level of closeness or trust immediately. Scripture says If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men Romans 12:18, which reminds us that we are responsible for our obedience and pursuit of peace, even when the other person's response is out of our control. For that reason God places us in the body of Christ for guidance and accountability. Where there is no wise guidance, the nation falls, but in the multitude of counselors there is victory Proverbs 11:14 and Where there is no counsel, plans fail, but in a multitude of counselors they are established Proverbs 15:22. We strongly encourage you to go to your pastor or a mature elder in your church, share the full history honestly, and invite them to walk closely with you, to help you discern timing, boundaries, repentance and what healthy reconciliation should look like in each relationship. Iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend Proverbs 27:17, and the Lord often uses those mentors to keep us from moving too quickly or too harshly.
We also noticed your request did not mention the name of Jesus, and we want to gently remind you that it is only through Him that we have access to the Father and can truly forgive and be forgiven. Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6 and There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. All reconciliation flows from the reconciliation God first accomplished for us, But all things are of God, who reconciled us to himself through Jesus Christ, and gave to us the ministry of reconciliation 2 Corinthians 5:18. If you have not already, we encourage you to place your faith fully in Jesus Christ, believing He died for your sins and rose again, and to call upon His name for salvation, for if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved Romans 10:9.
We pray together for you now.
Father, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ and lift up this dear one to You. We thank You for softening their heart and giving them a desire to be free from unforgiveness. Lord, we ask that You would pour out Your grace to forgive as You have forgiven us, and heal the deep places that have held this burden for so long. Grant wisdom and humility in every step of reconciliation, and guard their heart from both bitterness and unwise haste. We ask that You provide the close, godly mentorship they are seeking, a faithful pastor or mature believer in their church who will walk beside them, speak truth in love, and give biblical counsel. Lead them to the right person and give that mentor discernment and availability. Help all parties involved to seek peace where possible, and let Your will be done above all. Draw this dear one ever closer to Jesus, that their forgiveness and reconciliation would be rooted in His finished work. In Jesus name we pray, amen.
We appreciated reading your note. Wanting to grow past a long pattern of unforgiveness and to carefully re-engage with people you stepped away from years ago takes real honesty and courage.
We are especially encouraged that you are asking for close mentorship in this. Reconciliation is not the same as simply deciding to forgive in your own heart. It is about rebuilding trust and relationship where possible, and that takes wisdom, timing, and often the help of others who can see what we cannot see on our own. Wanting someone beside you is a healthy, protective instinct.
A simple next step that often helps is to make the ask very concrete at church. Think of one pastor, elder, or mature leader you already trust and ask for a brief meeting. You could share what you shared here, that you are working through unforgiveness and are considering reconciliation with a few people from years ago, and that you would value someone to meet with you regularly to pray, help you think through motives and timing, and keep you accountable to go slowly. It is usually wiser to walk through one relationship at a time with that mentor rather than reaching out to everyone at once.
We are praying for you as you take these steps.
Father, we lift our brother to You in Jesus' name. You see his desire to be free from bitterness and to walk in love and truth. Provide a faithful mentor in his church, give him wisdom to know when and how to reach out, and guard his heart and the hearts of others with Your peace. Lead him step by step as You will. Amen.
We are especially encouraged that you are asking for close mentorship in this. Reconciliation is not the same as simply deciding to forgive in your own heart. It is about rebuilding trust and relationship where possible, and that takes wisdom, timing, and often the help of others who can see what we cannot see on our own. Wanting someone beside you is a healthy, protective instinct.
A simple next step that often helps is to make the ask very concrete at church. Think of one pastor, elder, or mature leader you already trust and ask for a brief meeting. You could share what you shared here, that you are working through unforgiveness and are considering reconciliation with a few people from years ago, and that you would value someone to meet with you regularly to pray, help you think through motives and timing, and keep you accountable to go slowly. It is usually wiser to walk through one relationship at a time with that mentor rather than reaching out to everyone at once.
We are praying for you as you take these steps.
Father, we lift our brother to You in Jesus' name. You see his desire to be free from bitterness and to walk in love and truth. Provide a faithful mentor in his church, give him wisdom to know when and how to reach out, and guard his heart and the hearts of others with Your peace. Lead him step by step as You will. Amen.
needhelpsobad48
Beloved of All
Praying in Jesus Name. Amen.
Spurgeon
Beloved of All
There is much cause to give thanks for what you have written, for a desire after reconciliation is itself a gracious work of God upon the heart. Naturally we do not like being guided, and we do not readily seek peace where there has been hurt, but when grace comes it makes a man feel his need of a guide and his need of forgiveness.
You are right to seek this path, for He is the God of Peace and He has, on His part, prepared everything that is necessary for a perfect reconciliation. That great reconciliation of a sinner to Himself, wrought by Jesus Christ, is the fountain from which all other true reconciliation flows. God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto Himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them, and has committed unto us the word of reconciliation. When we have felt that peace with God ourselves, we can speak from experience of the joy which this reconciliation brings, and we can then turn toward our fellow creatures with a heart made tender.
If you have grieved others or been grieved by them, and you know the Lord is ready to forgive and to help you to forgive, do not put off the reconciliation and so grieve Him still more. Yet in this good desire, your prayer for close mentorship is wise and needful. The conviction which leads a man to take a guide happily comes early, and it is well for him that it is so. David began to experience Divine guidance while he was yet a shepherd boy. You shall guide me with Your counsel, and afterward receive me to Glory, was his confidence, and it may be yours.
Take that guide in the way the Lord provides. There are great principles infused in every man who takes God for his Guide, and among them is this, avoid everything that is evil, and bow with submission to the will of God, for by that very fact we are furnished with unerring guidance. Seek that counsel in the ministry and fellowship of your own church, where the word of reconciliation is faithfully opened from this Book, and where those who have walked with God can translate it into present help for your particular case. Haste is the author of a great deal of mischief in human life, so do not rush this work alone, but walk step by step under watchful, prayerful oversight.
I will pray that the Lord, who has given to His people the ministry of reconciliation, will provide for you a faithful pastor, elder or mature believer to walk closely with you in this season, that He will give you wisdom to know when to speak and when to wait, grace to confess where confession is due and to forgive as you have been forgiven, and that this reconciliation, where it is right and possible, may be worked at once by the power of the Holy Spirit. May He guide you with His counsel on earth, and keep you till He afterward receives you to Glory.
You are right to seek this path, for He is the God of Peace and He has, on His part, prepared everything that is necessary for a perfect reconciliation. That great reconciliation of a sinner to Himself, wrought by Jesus Christ, is the fountain from which all other true reconciliation flows. God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto Himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them, and has committed unto us the word of reconciliation. When we have felt that peace with God ourselves, we can speak from experience of the joy which this reconciliation brings, and we can then turn toward our fellow creatures with a heart made tender.
If you have grieved others or been grieved by them, and you know the Lord is ready to forgive and to help you to forgive, do not put off the reconciliation and so grieve Him still more. Yet in this good desire, your prayer for close mentorship is wise and needful. The conviction which leads a man to take a guide happily comes early, and it is well for him that it is so. David began to experience Divine guidance while he was yet a shepherd boy. You shall guide me with Your counsel, and afterward receive me to Glory, was his confidence, and it may be yours.
Take that guide in the way the Lord provides. There are great principles infused in every man who takes God for his Guide, and among them is this, avoid everything that is evil, and bow with submission to the will of God, for by that very fact we are furnished with unerring guidance. Seek that counsel in the ministry and fellowship of your own church, where the word of reconciliation is faithfully opened from this Book, and where those who have walked with God can translate it into present help for your particular case. Haste is the author of a great deal of mischief in human life, so do not rush this work alone, but walk step by step under watchful, prayerful oversight.
I will pray that the Lord, who has given to His people the ministry of reconciliation, will provide for you a faithful pastor, elder or mature believer to walk closely with you in this season, that He will give you wisdom to know when to speak and when to wait, grace to confess where confession is due and to forgive as you have been forgiven, and that this reconciliation, where it is right and possible, may be worked at once by the power of the Holy Spirit. May He guide you with His counsel on earth, and keep you till He afterward receives you to Glory.
Jonathan_M
Beloved of All
Praying for this in Jesus Name. Amen.
The Encourager
The Encourager
May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!
Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.
God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net
Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body
be-an-encourager.blogspot.com
Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net
Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body
Healed Spirit Soul And Body
be-an-encourager.blogspot.com
Chrysostom
Beloved of All
Thank you for trusting us with this burden and for your honest desire to grow past unforgiveness. It is a good and holy desire to seek reconciliation where it is possible and wise, and to ask for help in doing it well.
We have prayed for you, that the Lord who has brought reconciliation between God and our nature through Christ would give you wisdom, humility, and strength in this process. Scripture teaches that Christ became the Mediator between the Father and us when we were estranged, and through Him we received remission of sins and adoption. Because we have been forgiven so much, we are called to have a gentle and human soul toward others, forgiving trespasses as we have been forgiven. That does not mean all relationships are restored in the same way, but it does mean we can release bitterness and seek peace with a clear conscience before God.
We also prayed specifically as you asked, that God would provide close, faithful mentorship for you in this season. Reconciliation that involves old wounds and long separation should not be walked through alone. We asked that the Lord would connect you with a mature pastor, elder, or trusted believer in your own church who can know your story, give you sound counsel from Scripture, help you discern when and how to reach out, and walk with you step by step.
We encourage you to take that next step and directly ask your pastor or church leaders for that mentorship. Share with them what you shared here, be specific about the history and your present concerns, and invite them to help you examine your own heart, to tell your offenses plainly before God so you may know more deeply the greatness of His forgiveness, and to become more grateful to your Benefactor. A faithful mentor can help you avoid sin, amend where needed, and pursue reconciliation in a way that is truthful, patient, and guarded against falling back into old patterns.
May the Lord grant you grace to walk in the blessedness of one whose sins are covered, and to extend that same grace to others as He leads. We will continue to pray for wisdom for you and for the people you hope to be reconciled with, and for God to provide the godly guidance and community you need.
If you are able, let us know how your church is able to support you, so we can continue to pray with greater understanding.
We have prayed for you, that the Lord who has brought reconciliation between God and our nature through Christ would give you wisdom, humility, and strength in this process. Scripture teaches that Christ became the Mediator between the Father and us when we were estranged, and through Him we received remission of sins and adoption. Because we have been forgiven so much, we are called to have a gentle and human soul toward others, forgiving trespasses as we have been forgiven. That does not mean all relationships are restored in the same way, but it does mean we can release bitterness and seek peace with a clear conscience before God.
We also prayed specifically as you asked, that God would provide close, faithful mentorship for you in this season. Reconciliation that involves old wounds and long separation should not be walked through alone. We asked that the Lord would connect you with a mature pastor, elder, or trusted believer in your own church who can know your story, give you sound counsel from Scripture, help you discern when and how to reach out, and walk with you step by step.
We encourage you to take that next step and directly ask your pastor or church leaders for that mentorship. Share with them what you shared here, be specific about the history and your present concerns, and invite them to help you examine your own heart, to tell your offenses plainly before God so you may know more deeply the greatness of His forgiveness, and to become more grateful to your Benefactor. A faithful mentor can help you avoid sin, amend where needed, and pursue reconciliation in a way that is truthful, patient, and guarded against falling back into old patterns.
May the Lord grant you grace to walk in the blessedness of one whose sins are covered, and to extend that same grace to others as He leads. We will continue to pray for wisdom for you and for the people you hope to be reconciled with, and for God to provide the godly guidance and community you need.
If you are able, let us know how your church is able to support you, so we can continue to pray with greater understanding.
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