I am in the process of trying to reconcile with some people who I cut off contact with for a number of reasons years ago for the sake of trying to grow past problems with unforgiveness that I've had for most of my life. However, I really feel that I need close mentorship in this process for certain reasons. Please pray that I can get this from my church or someone. Thank you.
Reconciliation
- Thread starter Dhitlor
- Start date
We join you in thanking God for the work He is already doing in your heart, for it is a beautiful and obedient step to desire to grow past unforgiveness and to seek reconciliation. We understand how heavy unforgiveness can be when it has been carried for most of a lifetime, and we commend your willingness to obey the Lord in this difficult process.
The Word shows us that forgiveness and reconciliation are at the very heart of the gospel. We are told to be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you Ephesians 4:32 and bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, if any man has a complaint against any, even as Christ forgave you, so you also do Colossians 3:13. Jesus also warns us, For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you don't forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses Matthew 6:14-15. We share this not to condemn you, but to encourage you that God takes your struggle seriously and He provides grace to forgive as we have been forgiven, even when the wounds are deep and years have passed.
We also hear your wisdom in asking for close mentorship. Reconciliation is not always simple, and it does not always mean returning to the same level of closeness or trust immediately. Scripture says If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men Romans 12:18, which reminds us that we are responsible for our obedience and pursuit of peace, even when the other person's response is out of our control. For that reason God places us in the body of Christ for guidance and accountability. Where there is no wise guidance, the nation falls, but in the multitude of counselors there is victory Proverbs 11:14 and Where there is no counsel, plans fail, but in a multitude of counselors they are established Proverbs 15:22. We strongly encourage you to go to your pastor or a mature elder in your church, share the full history honestly, and invite them to walk closely with you, to help you discern timing, boundaries, repentance and what healthy reconciliation should look like in each relationship. Iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend Proverbs 27:17, and the Lord often uses those mentors to keep us from moving too quickly or too harshly.
We also noticed your request did not mention the name of Jesus, and we want to gently remind you that it is only through Him that we have access to the Father and can truly forgive and be forgiven. Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6 and There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. All reconciliation flows from the reconciliation God first accomplished for us, But all things are of God, who reconciled us to himself through Jesus Christ, and gave to us the ministry of reconciliation 2 Corinthians 5:18. If you have not already, we encourage you to place your faith fully in Jesus Christ, believing He died for your sins and rose again, and to call upon His name for salvation, for if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved Romans 10:9.
We pray together for you now.
Father, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ and lift up this dear one to You. We thank You for softening their heart and giving them a desire to be free from unforgiveness. Lord, we ask that You would pour out Your grace to forgive as You have forgiven us, and heal the deep places that have held this burden for so long. Grant wisdom and humility in every step of reconciliation, and guard their heart from both bitterness and unwise haste. We ask that You provide the close, godly mentorship they are seeking, a faithful pastor or mature believer in their church who will walk beside them, speak truth in love, and give biblical counsel. Lead them to the right person and give that mentor discernment and availability. Help all parties involved to seek peace where possible, and let Your will be done above all. Draw this dear one ever closer to Jesus, that their forgiveness and reconciliation would be rooted in His finished work. In Jesus name we pray, amen.
The Word shows us that forgiveness and reconciliation are at the very heart of the gospel. We are told to be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you Ephesians 4:32 and bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, if any man has a complaint against any, even as Christ forgave you, so you also do Colossians 3:13. Jesus also warns us, For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you don't forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses Matthew 6:14-15. We share this not to condemn you, but to encourage you that God takes your struggle seriously and He provides grace to forgive as we have been forgiven, even when the wounds are deep and years have passed.
We also hear your wisdom in asking for close mentorship. Reconciliation is not always simple, and it does not always mean returning to the same level of closeness or trust immediately. Scripture says If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men Romans 12:18, which reminds us that we are responsible for our obedience and pursuit of peace, even when the other person's response is out of our control. For that reason God places us in the body of Christ for guidance and accountability. Where there is no wise guidance, the nation falls, but in the multitude of counselors there is victory Proverbs 11:14 and Where there is no counsel, plans fail, but in a multitude of counselors they are established Proverbs 15:22. We strongly encourage you to go to your pastor or a mature elder in your church, share the full history honestly, and invite them to walk closely with you, to help you discern timing, boundaries, repentance and what healthy reconciliation should look like in each relationship. Iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend Proverbs 27:17, and the Lord often uses those mentors to keep us from moving too quickly or too harshly.
We also noticed your request did not mention the name of Jesus, and we want to gently remind you that it is only through Him that we have access to the Father and can truly forgive and be forgiven. Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6 and There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. All reconciliation flows from the reconciliation God first accomplished for us, But all things are of God, who reconciled us to himself through Jesus Christ, and gave to us the ministry of reconciliation 2 Corinthians 5:18. If you have not already, we encourage you to place your faith fully in Jesus Christ, believing He died for your sins and rose again, and to call upon His name for salvation, for if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved Romans 10:9.
We pray together for you now.
Father, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ and lift up this dear one to You. We thank You for softening their heart and giving them a desire to be free from unforgiveness. Lord, we ask that You would pour out Your grace to forgive as You have forgiven us, and heal the deep places that have held this burden for so long. Grant wisdom and humility in every step of reconciliation, and guard their heart from both bitterness and unwise haste. We ask that You provide the close, godly mentorship they are seeking, a faithful pastor or mature believer in their church who will walk beside them, speak truth in love, and give biblical counsel. Lead them to the right person and give that mentor discernment and availability. Help all parties involved to seek peace where possible, and let Your will be done above all. Draw this dear one ever closer to Jesus, that their forgiveness and reconciliation would be rooted in His finished work. In Jesus name we pray, amen.
We appreciated reading your note. Wanting to grow past a long pattern of unforgiveness and to carefully re-engage with people you stepped away from years ago takes real honesty and courage.
We are especially encouraged that you are asking for close mentorship in this. Reconciliation is not the same as simply deciding to forgive in your own heart. It is about rebuilding trust and relationship where possible, and that takes wisdom, timing, and often the help of others who can see what we cannot see on our own. Wanting someone beside you is a healthy, protective instinct.
A simple next step that often helps is to make the ask very concrete at church. Think of one pastor, elder, or mature leader you already trust and ask for a brief meeting. You could share what you shared here, that you are working through unforgiveness and are considering reconciliation with a few people from years ago, and that you would value someone to meet with you regularly to pray, help you think through motives and timing, and keep you accountable to go slowly. It is usually wiser to walk through one relationship at a time with that mentor rather than reaching out to everyone at once.
We are praying for you as you take these steps.
Father, we lift our brother to You in Jesus' name. You see his desire to be free from bitterness and to walk in love and truth. Provide a faithful mentor in his church, give him wisdom to know when and how to reach out, and guard his heart and the hearts of others with Your peace. Lead him step by step as You will. Amen.
We are especially encouraged that you are asking for close mentorship in this. Reconciliation is not the same as simply deciding to forgive in your own heart. It is about rebuilding trust and relationship where possible, and that takes wisdom, timing, and often the help of others who can see what we cannot see on our own. Wanting someone beside you is a healthy, protective instinct.
A simple next step that often helps is to make the ask very concrete at church. Think of one pastor, elder, or mature leader you already trust and ask for a brief meeting. You could share what you shared here, that you are working through unforgiveness and are considering reconciliation with a few people from years ago, and that you would value someone to meet with you regularly to pray, help you think through motives and timing, and keep you accountable to go slowly. It is usually wiser to walk through one relationship at a time with that mentor rather than reaching out to everyone at once.
We are praying for you as you take these steps.
Father, we lift our brother to You in Jesus' name. You see his desire to be free from bitterness and to walk in love and truth. Provide a faithful mentor in his church, give him wisdom to know when and how to reach out, and guard his heart and the hearts of others with Your peace. Lead him step by step as You will. Amen.
needhelpsobad48
Beloved of All
Praying in Jesus Name. Amen.
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