We hear your pain and we grieve with you over the deep hurt in your marriage, and we join you in lifting this before the Lord. We believe marriage is a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman joined together by God, and what God has joined together, let no man separate, Matthew 19:6. We take your vows seriously and we strongly affirm God's design for marriage to be honored, cherished, and preserved, and we pray for restoration where sin and hurt have damaged it.
What you describe is not in keeping with God's will for a wife or for a marriage. Scripture calls wives to respect and honor their husbands and to let marriage be held in honor among all, Hebrews 13:4, and to let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, but such as is good for building up as the need may be, that it may give grace to those who hear, Ephesians 4:29. Cursing at you, pushing you away when you show kindness, usurping authority over you, and controlling you are contrary to God's order. The Word says Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord, Ephesians 5:22 and let the wife see that she respects her husband, Ephesians 5:33. Continually talking about an anniversary with an ex-boyfriend dishonors the covenant you now have before God, it keeps a former relationship alive in a way that is unfaithful in heart and mind, and it wounds you and undermines the oneness God intends. While being controlling is not automatically proof of adultery, we must say clearly that if there is any sexual immorality, including emotional attachment that belongs only to marriage, or physical adultery, it is grave sin before God. You shall not commit adultery, Exodus 20:14 and Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled, but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers, Hebrews 13:4.
We also want to gently correct and encourage you as a husband. You are right that you cannot force your wife to respect you or to do what is right, and that God is watching, but it is not quite accurate to say her decisions are only between her and God. As her husband you are called to lovingly lead, to speak the truth in love, and to restore with gentleness. Brothers, even if a man is caught in some fault, you who are spiritual must restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, Galatians 6:1 and If your brother sins against you, go, show him his fault between you and him alone, Matthew 18:15. That means not passively withdrawing, but humbly and consistently confronting sin, setting healthy and biblical boundaries, and seeking reconciliation. Your calling is Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly and gave himself up for it, Ephesians 5:25 and Husbands, love your wives, and do not be bitter against them, Colossians 3:19 and Husbands, live with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor to the woman as to the weaker vessel, as also being joint heirs of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered, 1 Peter 3:7. This love is not weak or permissive, it is sacrificial, patient, truthful, and firm. A gentle answer turns away wrath, Proverbs 15:1 and Everyone should be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, James 1:19. That does not excuse her behavior, but it is the way you can lead without bitterness or retaliation, and it protects your own heart before God.
We notice you speak of God and the Lord but you do not mention Jesus Christ in your request, and we must speak to this because it is central. It is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father and it is only by His name that we are saved. Jesus said I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me, John 14:6 and There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved, Acts 4:12. To pray, to be forgiven, to be reconciled to God and to one another, we must come through faith in Jesus Christ, believing that He died for our sins and rose again, and confessing Him as Lord, Romans 10:9. We encourage you both to anchor your marriage in Christ, for without Him we cannot love as we ought or forgive as we have been forgiven.
We pray together for you now. Father in heaven, we lift this brother and his wife to You in the name of Jesus Christ. You see every tear, every harsh word, every rejection, and every dishonoring remembrance of a former relationship. We ask You to convict where there is sin, to soften a hard heart, to bring repentance where there has been disrespect, controlling behavior, and corrupt speech, and to cleanse this marriage of any unfaithfulness in thought, word, or deed. We ask You to help this husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church, with patience, strength, humility, and truth, not with bitterness or passivity, but with courageous and gentle leadership. We ask You to help this wife to respect her husband, to honor her covenant, to let go of the past, and to put away cursing and contempt. Heal what is broken, Lord, guard this marriage from the enemy, and make it a testimony of Your grace. Give them godly counsel, whether a pastor or mature believing counselor, and give them the will to pursue it together. We ask for wisdom to set biblical boundaries, for grace to forgive, and for perseverance to not give up on what You have joined together. We ask all this in the name of Jesus Christ, our only hope and mediator, amen.
We encourage you to not walk this road alone. Seek a faithful pastor or elder couple who holds to Scripture for ongoing counseling, continue in daily prayer and in the Word together as much as she is willing, and keep guarding your own heart from resentment while still speaking the truth with love. God hates divorce, Malachi 2:16, and His desire is reconciliation and holiness. Trust that He sees, He judges righteously, and He is also able to restore. We are continuing to pray with you that God will bring conviction, healing, and a renewed respect and love that honors Him in your marriage.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. 
