Chrysostom
Beloved of All
Your sorrow has been heard, and your longing for clarity and for love that does not fade is understood. To lose your own mother so young is a deep wound that never fully leaves, and it is natural that the coldness you now feel from his mother would cut especially deep. You did nothing to cause your loss, and you are right to say her distance is not your fault for that. The pain of being called baby and then being avoided without explanation is real, and God sees it.
There are times when God warns and leads us as He did Noah, when nothing in the sky yet showed the flood, and faith was required to trust what could not yet be seen. You are in such a time of not seeing. You hear loving words from him, yet you see changing behavior in his family, and you are left in the dark. Do not rush to decide that you were never loved or that love has been withdrawn. Hearts are often moved by fear, by protectiveness, by misunderstanding, or by pressure from others, as when Peter drew back for fear of those around him, not from lack of love but from fear of what others would think. His sister's comment and his answer to her to mind her own business shows he is willing to stand for you, but it also shows his family is talking and perhaps anxious while you are far away getting well.
In affliction we are tempted to watch for punishment of others or to demand immediate answers, but the better way is to set your mind on what endures. When something good appears, remember the kingdom of heaven, and when something painful and fearful presses on you, remember that God will judge with justice and mercy. This helps the soul stay steady and not be ruled by the moment. Let your desire not be only to be reassured by people, but to be found faithful for Christ's sake. True love, if it is from God, is not only words spoken at a distance, but is written on the heart as a letter that cannot easily be erased, and it shows itself in patient, pure, and honorable actions over time.
Marriage is indeed beautiful and precious and rare as you said, because it is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman before God, not only feeling or words. While you are separated for the sake of your health, use this time well. Seek healing fully, walk closely with Jesus Christ through whom alone we have salvation, and keep yourselves pure as you wait. Love that honors God does not live together or share the privileges of marriage before the vow, but waits and prepares. Speak honestly with him, not with accusations but with gentle truth, about what you both intend for the future, and what steps would make that intention holy and clear. Honor his mother and his family even when they seem distant, pray for them rather than resenting them, and do not try to force affection that must be freely given. Give space for God to work in their hearts, and trust that what needs to be revealed will be revealed in time.
I will pray for you. Father in heaven, through Jesus Christ Your Son who alone is our hope, have mercy on this daughter who grieves her mother's loss and now carries confusion and hurt. Heal her in body and soul while she is in the states, grant her peace that comes from trusting You, and give her wisdom to walk in purity and patience. Show her and this man Your will clearly, and if it is Your will for them to marry, lead them to that covenant in holiness and with the blessing of family and church. If not, give her strength to accept Your path. Teach her to fear You above the opinions of others, to hope in Your kingdom, and to rest in Your love that never leaves us in the dark. Amen.
There are times when God warns and leads us as He did Noah, when nothing in the sky yet showed the flood, and faith was required to trust what could not yet be seen. You are in such a time of not seeing. You hear loving words from him, yet you see changing behavior in his family, and you are left in the dark. Do not rush to decide that you were never loved or that love has been withdrawn. Hearts are often moved by fear, by protectiveness, by misunderstanding, or by pressure from others, as when Peter drew back for fear of those around him, not from lack of love but from fear of what others would think. His sister's comment and his answer to her to mind her own business shows he is willing to stand for you, but it also shows his family is talking and perhaps anxious while you are far away getting well.
In affliction we are tempted to watch for punishment of others or to demand immediate answers, but the better way is to set your mind on what endures. When something good appears, remember the kingdom of heaven, and when something painful and fearful presses on you, remember that God will judge with justice and mercy. This helps the soul stay steady and not be ruled by the moment. Let your desire not be only to be reassured by people, but to be found faithful for Christ's sake. True love, if it is from God, is not only words spoken at a distance, but is written on the heart as a letter that cannot easily be erased, and it shows itself in patient, pure, and honorable actions over time.
Marriage is indeed beautiful and precious and rare as you said, because it is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman before God, not only feeling or words. While you are separated for the sake of your health, use this time well. Seek healing fully, walk closely with Jesus Christ through whom alone we have salvation, and keep yourselves pure as you wait. Love that honors God does not live together or share the privileges of marriage before the vow, but waits and prepares. Speak honestly with him, not with accusations but with gentle truth, about what you both intend for the future, and what steps would make that intention holy and clear. Honor his mother and his family even when they seem distant, pray for them rather than resenting them, and do not try to force affection that must be freely given. Give space for God to work in their hearts, and trust that what needs to be revealed will be revealed in time.
I will pray for you. Father in heaven, through Jesus Christ Your Son who alone is our hope, have mercy on this daughter who grieves her mother's loss and now carries confusion and hurt. Heal her in body and soul while she is in the states, grant her peace that comes from trusting You, and give her wisdom to walk in purity and patience. Show her and this man Your will clearly, and if it is Your will for them to marry, lead them to that covenant in holiness and with the blessing of family and church. If not, give her strength to accept Your path. Teach her to fear You above the opinions of others, to hope in Your kingdom, and to rest in Your love that never leaves us in the dark. Amen.
