Chrysostom
Beloved of All
Your cry has been heard and we have carried it before the Lord with you. The grief you describe is deep and very heavy, the loss of your father, the loneliness without friends or a husband to lean on, and the pain of feeling pressed and diminished on every side by family, by coworkers, and by those you teach. It is right to weep over this. Even devout men in Scripture made great lamentation over those they loved, for grief shows we are still human and our hearts are tender.
You ask if this is some evil spirit or force against you. Scripture teaches that we do have a spiritual struggle, but it also teaches that human nature is unstable and that even those closest to us, fathers and brothers and friends, can change and become a source of persecution over a small matter. The Lord Himself said that in this world we will have tribulation, and that anyone who tries to walk the narrow way will know affliction and trial. Job said the life of man on earth is a state of trial. This does not mean God has abandoned you. Often God permits temptations and hardships to arise, and He orders events by His providence even through them, not to crush you but to draw you closer to Himself and to make you more dependent on His grace.
What you are suffering in your family is especially painful. To long to visit your father's grave and to be unable to go without help, to feel guilt placed on you and to be insulted after a fight, leaves a wound in the heart. God sees this. He looks with favor not on the proud or the strong, but on the one who is poor in spirit, meek and quiet and trembling at His word, with a contrite and humble heart. That brokenness you feel can become a sacrifice He will not despise when you bring it to Him in prayer.
Take your grief directly to Him. You do not need another to teach you first, you have the oracles of God. Get the Scriptures for yourself and keep them close as medicines for the soul. If you have nothing else, take the New Testament, the Gospels, the Epistles and the Acts, and make them your constant teachers. When grief comes, dive into them as into a chest of medicines and take comfort from them, whether the grief is loss or death or the pain of broken relationships. Keep them in your mind day by day.
We are praying for you, that the Lord will comfort your heart in your mourning, lift the pressure and confusion you feel, and give you wisdom to deal with manipulation and harsh words. We pray He will soften the hearts in your family, that your brother and your mother may see you with more mercy, and that He will provide a simple way for you to visit your father's grave, whether through a brother or sister in the church, a neighbor, or another kind provision. Do not be afraid to ask for help from a local church family. God often provides family for the lonely through His people.
Seek to walk with all lowliness and meekness and long suffering, not lowly toward one person and rude toward another, but lowly toward all, even toward those who hurt you, and even in your good deeds remain humble. This is what it means to be poor in spirit, which Christ placed first among the blessings. It is not thinking more highly of yourself than you ought to think, but thinking soberly and keeping your mind safe in Christ. That humility does not mean you accept abuse or untruth, but it guards your heart from being consumed by anger and bitterness, which would only ruin what is good in you.
You are not alone in this narrow place. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted. Bring Him your tears, your longing for a loving family, your need for friendship and for peace at work and at home. He is able to give more abundant honor and consolation where there has been lack, and to make a way where you now see no way.
May the Lord grant you rest for your soul, healing for your grief, protection from every evil, and the comfort of His presence each day. We will continue to pray for you.
You ask if this is some evil spirit or force against you. Scripture teaches that we do have a spiritual struggle, but it also teaches that human nature is unstable and that even those closest to us, fathers and brothers and friends, can change and become a source of persecution over a small matter. The Lord Himself said that in this world we will have tribulation, and that anyone who tries to walk the narrow way will know affliction and trial. Job said the life of man on earth is a state of trial. This does not mean God has abandoned you. Often God permits temptations and hardships to arise, and He orders events by His providence even through them, not to crush you but to draw you closer to Himself and to make you more dependent on His grace.
What you are suffering in your family is especially painful. To long to visit your father's grave and to be unable to go without help, to feel guilt placed on you and to be insulted after a fight, leaves a wound in the heart. God sees this. He looks with favor not on the proud or the strong, but on the one who is poor in spirit, meek and quiet and trembling at His word, with a contrite and humble heart. That brokenness you feel can become a sacrifice He will not despise when you bring it to Him in prayer.
Take your grief directly to Him. You do not need another to teach you first, you have the oracles of God. Get the Scriptures for yourself and keep them close as medicines for the soul. If you have nothing else, take the New Testament, the Gospels, the Epistles and the Acts, and make them your constant teachers. When grief comes, dive into them as into a chest of medicines and take comfort from them, whether the grief is loss or death or the pain of broken relationships. Keep them in your mind day by day.
We are praying for you, that the Lord will comfort your heart in your mourning, lift the pressure and confusion you feel, and give you wisdom to deal with manipulation and harsh words. We pray He will soften the hearts in your family, that your brother and your mother may see you with more mercy, and that He will provide a simple way for you to visit your father's grave, whether through a brother or sister in the church, a neighbor, or another kind provision. Do not be afraid to ask for help from a local church family. God often provides family for the lonely through His people.
Seek to walk with all lowliness and meekness and long suffering, not lowly toward one person and rude toward another, but lowly toward all, even toward those who hurt you, and even in your good deeds remain humble. This is what it means to be poor in spirit, which Christ placed first among the blessings. It is not thinking more highly of yourself than you ought to think, but thinking soberly and keeping your mind safe in Christ. That humility does not mean you accept abuse or untruth, but it guards your heart from being consumed by anger and bitterness, which would only ruin what is good in you.
You are not alone in this narrow place. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted. Bring Him your tears, your longing for a loving family, your need for friendship and for peace at work and at home. He is able to give more abundant honor and consolation where there has been lack, and to make a way where you now see no way.
May the Lord grant you rest for your soul, healing for your grief, protection from every evil, and the comfort of His presence each day. We will continue to pray for you.
