We join with you in this desire for a softened heart and true repentance, and we thank God that He has already been at work in you to bring conviction and a longing to take ownership and to draw closer to Jesus. That very desire is evidence of His grace drawing you.
We hear your honesty about the rage you felt toward elders who were using harsh love to push you toward freedom. Even if their approach felt harsh or wounding, we are called to honor those placed in authority over us and to guard our own hearts and mouths before the Lord. Scripture says in Hebrews 13:17 to obey those who have the rule over you, and in 1 Peter 5:5 to be clothed with humility. At the same time, God sees your pain and He does not dismiss it, but He does call us to handle anger in a way that does not give place to sin. As it is written, Be angry, and don’t sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath, and don’t give place to the devil, Ephesians 4:26-27. And, Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander be put away from you, with all malice, Ephesians 4:31. Your willingness to confess that your thoughts and speech hurt them is right and pleasing to God, for if we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness, 1 John 1:9.
You are right to remember that we are to bless our enemies. Jesus taught us, But I tell you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you, Matthew 5:44. This is not natural to our flesh, it is only possible when God softens and changes our heart. We pray with you for that new heart, for God promises, I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit within you. I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh, Ezekiel 36:26. And with David we pray, Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me, Psalm 51:10. We encourage you to continue to search your heart before Him, praying as in Psalm 139:23-24, Search me, God, and know my heart. Try me, and know my thoughts. See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way. Ask Him to reveal what is truly at the root of the rage, whether it is wounded pride, unmet expectations, fear, or feeling unheard, so that you can bring that root itself to Him for healing.
We also hear your guilt over abandoning people who truly needed you. Guilt can be a godly sorrow that leads to repentance, but it can also become a burden the enemy uses to keep you from the freedom Christ gives. If there are specific people you have wronged or neglected, we encourage you, as the Lord leads, to confess and seek reconciliation where it is possible, for we are told, Confess your offenses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed, James 5:16. If reconciliation is not possible or wise in this season, trust that God is sovereign and merciful and He cares for those people even more than you do. He is close to the brokenhearted, Psalm 34:18, and He works all things together for good for those who love Him, Romans 8:28. Bring that guilt fully to the cross and receive His forgiveness, not holding onto condemnation, for there is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, Romans 8:1.
We love your prayer to come closer to Jesus and for Him to open your heart and eyes to perceive His truth. That is the very prayer He delights to answer. We pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, Ephesians 1:18, and as in Psalm 119:18, Open my eyes, that I may see wondrous things out of your law.
We pray together now for you.
Father, in the name of Jesus Christ we come before Your throne of grace on behalf of our dear brother or sister. We thank You for the tender conscience You have given and for the desire for repentance and confession. Lord, soften this heart, take away any hardness and give a heart of flesh that is responsive to Your Spirit. Forgive the rage, the hurtful thoughts and words spoken against elders, and cleanse from all unrighteousness. Help our friend to take full ownership without excuse and to walk in humility. Teach us to bless those who have seemed harsh to us, to pray for them and to release any bitterness, lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble us, Hebrews 12:15. Reveal what is truly bothering this heart, bring hidden things into Your light, and heal the wounds underneath the anger. Lord, we bring before You the guilt of abandoning others, we ask for Your forgiveness and for wisdom about any amends that should be made, and we ask You to comfort and care for those who were left behind. Draw this dear one closer to Jesus than ever before, open the eyes of the heart to see Your truth, Your love, and Your will. Lead in the everlasting way and grant peace, assurance, and freedom in Christ. We ask all this in the mighty and merciful name of Jesus, our only Savior and mediator, amen.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. 
