Oh dear sister in Christ, our hearts break for you as we read your words, and we come before the throne of grace with you in this moment of deep pain and confusion. You are not lost—you are found by the One who sees your tears, collects them in His bottle, and hears the cries of your heart (Psalm 56:8). The fact that you are reaching out, even in doubt, is evidence of the Holy Spirit drawing you near. Let us first say this with all the love in our spirits: **Jesus Christ is real, His power is real, and His love for you is unshakable.** There is no "right" or "wrong" way to come to Him—only that you come. He meets you where you are, even in the mess, even in the darkness, even when you feel unworthy. The Bible tells us, *"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit"* (Psalm 34:18). You are not alone.
We must address the weight of what you’ve endured—**abuse is never God’s will, and it is never your fault.** The men in your life who have broken trust, who have used violence, who have betrayed you—**they will answer to God for their sin.** But you, dear one, are not defined by their choices. You are defined by Christ, who calls you His beloved daughter. The trauma you’ve faced is real, and the enemy *is* attacking you, just as you feel. But we rebuke those lies in Jesus’ name! The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy, but Jesus came that you may have life—**abundant life** (John 10:10). Those suicidal thoughts? They are not from God. The enemy wants you to believe you are beyond hope, but we declare over you: **You are seen. You are valued. You are not forgotten.** *"The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom"* (2 Timothy 4:18).
Now, let us speak truth to the areas where sin has entered in—not to condemn you, but to call you higher. You mentioned returning to the father of your youngest child after he abused you. Sister, **we must warn you with love: this is dangerous ground.** The Bible is clear that *"a man who is a hot-tempered and violent will not inherit the kingdom of God"* (Galatians 5:20-21). To allow someone who has shown such violence back into your life—and the lives of your children—is to put yourself and them in harm’s way. God does not call you to be a doormat or to endure abuse in the name of "love." True love *"does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseverates"* (1 Corinthians 13:6-7). What you described is not love—it is bondage. We plead with you: **break this cycle.** Seek godly counsel, reach out to a pastor or a biblical counselor, and if necessary, involve the authorities. Your safety and the safety of your children must come first.
You also mentioned feeling "stupid" for letting this happen again. Oh, sweet sister, **shame is not from God.** The enemy wants you to believe you are foolish, but the truth is, you were deceived—just as Eve was deceived in the Garden. But Jesus came to set you free from that deception! *"If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed"* (John 8:36). You are not stupid—you are human, and you loved deeply. But now, you must love yourself and your children enough to walk in wisdom. *"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it"* (Proverbs 4:23). This means setting boundaries, seeking accountability, and not opening the door to those who have proven untrustworthy.
As for your question—*"Why me? What was the lesson?"*—we may not see the full answer this side of heaven. But we can tell you this: **God does not waste pain.** He can redeem every broken piece of your story. Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers, falsely accused, and imprisoned—yet God used it all to save nations (Genesis 50:20). You may not see the purpose now, but God is working, even in the dark. Your children are watching you. Your testimony—of survival, of faith, of choosing life—could one day be the very thing that saves someone else. *"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"* (Romans 8:28).
Now, let us pray for you:
**Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts for our sister. Lord, You see her pain, her exhaustion, her confusion. You know every tear she has cried, every fear that has gripped her heart. We ask, in the mighty name of Jesus, that You would **break every chain of abuse, shame, and deception** that has bound her. **Surround her with Your angels, Lord. Give her a supernatural peace that surpasses all understanding** (Philippians 4:7). **Protect her mind from the enemy’s lies—especially the lie that she is unworthy or that death is the answer.** We declare over her: *"The Lord is your light and your salvation—whom shall you fear? The Lord is the stronghold of your life—of whom shall you be afraid?"* (Psalm 27:1).
**Father, we ask for practical help for her.** Raise up godly women in her life—women of faith who can walk beside her, pray with her, and help her navigate this season. Provide a safe place for her and her children, whether that be a new home, a church family, or a support group. **Give her wisdom to make decisions that honor You and protect her children.** If there are legal steps she needs to take, **give her courage and clarity.** If she needs to flee, **make a way where there seems to be no way.**
**Lord, we also pray for her heart.** You know she is angry—and rightly so. But we ask that You would **heal her wounds and replace bitterness with Your peace.** Help her to forgive—not for the sake of those who hurt her, but for her own freedom. *"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you"* (Ephesians 4:31-32). **Let her experience Your love in a tangible way, Lord. Let her know she is not abandoned.**
**And Father, we pray for her children.** They have seen too much, Lord. **Heal their little hearts. Let them know You as their Protector, their Provider, their Heavenly Father.** May they grow up knowing they are loved, valued, and safe in You.
**Finally, Lord, we ask that You would reveal Yourself to her in a powerful way.** If she has never truly surrendered her life to You, **draw her close now.** Let her hear Your voice saying, *"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest"* (Matthew 11:28). **Let her know that Jesus died for her—all her sins, all her mistakes, all her pain—and that in Him, she is made new.** If she has walked away from You, **woo her back with Your relentless love.** Let her experience the joy of salvation afresh.
**We ask all these things in the mighty, matchless name of Jesus Christ, the Name above every name, the One who heals, restores, and redeems. Amen.**
Sister, we want you to know that **you are not beyond hope.** The fact that you are crying out—even in doubt—is evidence of God’s Spirit at work in you. We encourage you to **find a Bible-believing church** where you can be surrounded by people who will love you, pray for you, and help you walk this out. If you don’t know where to start, look for churches that preach from the Bible, that believe in the power of Jesus’ name, and that have ministries for women or single mothers. **You do not have to do this alone.**
We also urge you to **seek biblical counseling.** Many churches offer free or low-cost counseling with trained, godly counselors who can help you process your trauma in a safe space. If you are in immediate danger, **please reach out to a domestic violence hotline or the authorities.** Your safety is not negotiable.
And finally, **keep praying.** Even when it feels like your prayers are hitting the ceiling, keep talking to God. He hears you. Write down your prayers if it helps. Read the Psalms—David poured out his heart to God in raw, honest ways, and God met him there. *"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you"* (1 Peter 5:7).
You asked what the lesson is. We believe one of the lessons is this: **God is your Husband.** Isaiah 54:5 says, *"For your Maker is your husband—the Lord Almighty is his name."* In this season, let Him be the One who loves you, provides for you, and protects you. Let Him be the Father to your children that they need. And when the time is right, if He calls you to marriage again, **let it be with a man who fears God, who leads with humility, and who loves you as Christ loves the Church** (Ephesians 5:25).
You are not lost. You are **found in Him.** And we are praying for you.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
