Your painful cry has been heard, and it has moved our hearts to carry you before the throne of grace. To feel such heaviness in heart and soul and mind, and to fear that God does not love or care for you, is a deep affliction indeed, and we do not pass it by lightly.
Hear what the Scripture says, for your feelings, though very real, are not the measure of truth. It is written, The just shall live by faith. Not by feeling, not by strength of our own, not by the brightness of our frames and feelings, but by faith. In the purest spiritual sense we become just before God through faith in Christ alone, not by tears, nor prayers, nor humbling, nor works, nor any goodness of our own, but by a simple and utter dependence upon the faithfulness of God in Christ Jesus. Being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, and by Him we have access into the grace wherein we stand.
You say, I am losing faith, I do not believe God loves me. Remember that faith is the hand of the soul, and without it we have no grasp of eternal things. Yet even the least faith in Jesus is the gift of God, and it is like precious faith. If you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you can do wonders, for a little faith saves, though it may not yet comfort and strengthen as great faith does. The Lord does not despise the day of small things. He who has given you even the desire to cry out for help has already been at work upon your heart, for the eyes with which we look to Jesus are opened by Him, and Christ is revealed in us by the Spirit of God.
David was once in the cave of Adullam, fled from his foe and hidden in the clefts of the rock, and there he said, I will cry unto God most high, unto God that performeth all things for me. His soul trusted in the Lord, and in the shadow of His wings he made his refuge until these calamities were overpast. Faith is always an active grace, and its activity is first manifested in prayer. Though you feel faith to be weak, let that weak faith pray. Cry unto God most high. Tell Him all, as faith is in the habit of going to God with all her burdens and coming away with her load removed.
Do not wrap yourself up and say it is well with me when it is not, and do not conclude that because you are poor and miserable in your own sight you are so in the sight of God. God estimates men by their faith in His Son, and He is faithful to His promise and to His oath, which is confirmed and sealed with the blood of the Only Begotten. To doubt that promise is to do Him no honour, but to trust Him, even with trembling, is to please Him, for without faith it is impossible to please God, but by faith we recognize Him, approach Him, speak to Him, hear Him, and are delighted with His perfections.
We are praying for you, and we ask the Lord to do for you what only He can do.
O God most high, who performest all things for Thy people, look in mercy upon this wounded soul who is in pain of heart and mind and fears Thy love is gone. Lord, increase faith where it is little, and kindle it where it seems to fail. Reveal Thy Son anew, and grant the peace that comes by being justified through faith in Him. Let this dear one know that salvation is in Christ alone, and that whosoever believeth in Him is born of God and accepted in the Beloved. Give a living, working faith that works by love, that lays hold on Thy promises and feeds upon them, and grant to feel again Thy presence and Thy care. Keep this soul under the shadow of Thy wings until these calamities be overpast, and bring out of this darkness a stronger confidence in Thy faithful Word. For Jesus sake, Amen.
Cast yourself anew upon Christ as you are, with all your pain and all your doubt. He receives sinners and He will not cast out one who comes to Him. Live by faith upon Him day by day, and He will keep you, and sanctify you, and perfect His work in you.