Silas
Beloved of All
Your honesty is a gift and God hears the longing behind it. The desire to build a slow, daily, faithful love with a woman who loves Jesus is a good desire. Feeling that you have already lost time, feeling foolish or even that heaven is laughing at you, and feeling punished for years when you were far from God are heavy burdens to carry. God is not mocking you. Scripture shows that God showed His love for us while we were still sinners, when Christ died for us. He does not toy with your prayers. He invites them.
There is something important to face clearly about the dating situation you described. In the beginning God made them male and female and His design for marriage is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman. Jesus taught that this was the original intent, and that provision for divorce was given because of hardness of heart, with unfaithfulness as the exception. An open marriage is not that design. To pursue a woman who is still married, even if she speaks highly of her husband and even if the culture around her calls it open, is to step toward adultery. It is right that you felt unsettled. Love does not pursue another man's wife. The wisest and most loving step is to turn away completely from that relationship, to give that crush to God daily as you said you are doing, and to ask Him to guard your heart and keep you pure. It is easy for desire to become a master over us, whether desire for sex, for companionship, or for other pleasures, and those desires can enslave us if we follow them. God calls us instead to live under grace where sin does not have dominion over us, not because we never struggle, but because we are not under law but under grace and He gives strength to walk differently.
You mentioned feeling punished for being lost for a long time and also that Jesus died for us so you forgive yourself and accept whatever God has. That points to the truth. Where sin abounded, grace abounded much more. There is a sorrow that leads to death, which is just regret for consequences, and there is a godly sorrow that leads to repentance and life. If God has brought conviction about the past, that godly sorrow is meant to turn you toward Him, not to keep you in shame. You are not being punished by delay. God leaves us here for a purpose, to bear good fruit for His kingdom, and that purpose gives meaning to every season, including this one.
Scripture makes a distinction that is helpful here. The one who is married cares how to please his wife, and the one who is unmarried can care for the things of the Lord, how to please Him. Singleness is not wasted time. It is a space where your life can be hidden with Christ and where you can serve Him with undivided attention. That does not make the longing go away, but it reframes it. Your actions will show what you truly believe. Saying God has got you is good, and living in a way that matches that trust is what gives that statement weight. That means seeking nourishment from the Word itself, not just entertaining programs or messages that tell cute stories with little content, but the plain, practical teaching of Scripture that trains us for marriage, singleness, and service. It also means staying rooted in real fellowship with other believers, not only listening alone when it is convenient, but walking with others who can know you and encourage you.
The kind of wife you are praying for, a faithful woman who loves the Lord and does good, is described as rare and precious, far above rubies. To live joyfully with a wife whom you love all the days of your life is a beautiful portion God gives. It is right to pray for that and it is not selfish to bring your desire to your Father. He knows all your troubles. At the same time, prayer is also surrender. Keep bringing the request, and keep saying, I accept what You have for me, and help me to be faithful today.
So keep praying, but also keep pursuing purity and purpose today. Ask God to help you with self control where you feel you have none, to help you before you react or pursue what would harm you. Look at your life and ask whether it is bearing fruit for God right now in your studies, in your sport, in how you treat friends, in how you serve. Trust that God is not withholding good to tease you, but is forming you to be the kind of husband who is blameless, not self willed, not quick tempered, faithful in what God has already entrusted to you.
May the Lord give you confidence not in your own ability to find the right person, but in His faithful love and grace to lead you. May He keep you pure, fill you with His Spirit, and make your present season fruitful as you wait for Him to provide in His time.
There is something important to face clearly about the dating situation you described. In the beginning God made them male and female and His design for marriage is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman. Jesus taught that this was the original intent, and that provision for divorce was given because of hardness of heart, with unfaithfulness as the exception. An open marriage is not that design. To pursue a woman who is still married, even if she speaks highly of her husband and even if the culture around her calls it open, is to step toward adultery. It is right that you felt unsettled. Love does not pursue another man's wife. The wisest and most loving step is to turn away completely from that relationship, to give that crush to God daily as you said you are doing, and to ask Him to guard your heart and keep you pure. It is easy for desire to become a master over us, whether desire for sex, for companionship, or for other pleasures, and those desires can enslave us if we follow them. God calls us instead to live under grace where sin does not have dominion over us, not because we never struggle, but because we are not under law but under grace and He gives strength to walk differently.
You mentioned feeling punished for being lost for a long time and also that Jesus died for us so you forgive yourself and accept whatever God has. That points to the truth. Where sin abounded, grace abounded much more. There is a sorrow that leads to death, which is just regret for consequences, and there is a godly sorrow that leads to repentance and life. If God has brought conviction about the past, that godly sorrow is meant to turn you toward Him, not to keep you in shame. You are not being punished by delay. God leaves us here for a purpose, to bear good fruit for His kingdom, and that purpose gives meaning to every season, including this one.
Scripture makes a distinction that is helpful here. The one who is married cares how to please his wife, and the one who is unmarried can care for the things of the Lord, how to please Him. Singleness is not wasted time. It is a space where your life can be hidden with Christ and where you can serve Him with undivided attention. That does not make the longing go away, but it reframes it. Your actions will show what you truly believe. Saying God has got you is good, and living in a way that matches that trust is what gives that statement weight. That means seeking nourishment from the Word itself, not just entertaining programs or messages that tell cute stories with little content, but the plain, practical teaching of Scripture that trains us for marriage, singleness, and service. It also means staying rooted in real fellowship with other believers, not only listening alone when it is convenient, but walking with others who can know you and encourage you.
The kind of wife you are praying for, a faithful woman who loves the Lord and does good, is described as rare and precious, far above rubies. To live joyfully with a wife whom you love all the days of your life is a beautiful portion God gives. It is right to pray for that and it is not selfish to bring your desire to your Father. He knows all your troubles. At the same time, prayer is also surrender. Keep bringing the request, and keep saying, I accept what You have for me, and help me to be faithful today.
So keep praying, but also keep pursuing purity and purpose today. Ask God to help you with self control where you feel you have none, to help you before you react or pursue what would harm you. Look at your life and ask whether it is bearing fruit for God right now in your studies, in your sport, in how you treat friends, in how you serve. Trust that God is not withholding good to tease you, but is forming you to be the kind of husband who is blameless, not self willed, not quick tempered, faithful in what God has already entrusted to you.
May the Lord give you confidence not in your own ability to find the right person, but in His faithful love and grace to lead you. May He keep you pure, fill you with His Spirit, and make your present season fruitful as you wait for Him to provide in His time.
