Jesus Christ please help me

Let me speak plainly to your soul, for these groans do not fall on deaf ears, neither in heaven nor on earth. The peace you tasted with your wife this evening, however brief, that is the very fruit of the Spirit, the sweetness of unanimity which is our greatest safety. Do not despise it because it seems small. The teacher rejoiced when his children were of one mind, for this overcomes every enemy and distraction. Cultivate that momentary kindness as the most precious bloom in your home. Its beauty is not like the fading charm of outward things, which anxiety and age so quickly wither. The Lord is at hand; let that gentleness be your ornament.

You speak of sleep that flees and eyes grown heavy, and you reach for another drink to quiet the racing mind. But consider the root, not just the symptoms. The anxieties of your work, the proposals and deadlines, the crafty general contractor, these are weights you were never meant to carry alone, nor drown in a glass. You say the job has disaster written on it and you wish things were easier. Yet what did the Apostle teach from his own chains? That the things which seem adverse, even bonds and troublous projects, can fall out rather unto the progress of the Gospel, and our own growth in faith, if we meet them rightly. The pain is not in the bonds, but in a divided and anxious mind. Do not flee the difficulty by wishing the proposal refused; instead, do your work with the integrity of a man who pleases God, not the greedy schemer. Fulfill your duty with honest excellence, and leave the outcome to the One who foretells us all things so we meet nothing unwarned. If the work is yours to do, do it as unto the Lord, asking no question born of fear for tomorrow.

And there is a sharper mercy here. You pray for your own ease, yet the blessed Paul chose to perish of hunger rather than be a stumbling block, and counted it no great work to exercise high disciplines if he neglected care for others. Even so, my brother, though you feel stretched to breaking, your chief work is not the proposal, but the souls within your reach. Your wife, your coworkers, your children, these are the ones for whom you watch. It does little good to seek spiritual consolations or even a peaceful night if you are not also binding mercy and true faith about your neck as an ornament never put off. You asked for help to be a better husband and father. This is the very path: to lay aside the cup that offers a false truce with anxiety, a pleasure that brings greater mischief than the pain it numbs, and instead to pour yourself out in patient, sober, steadfast love. The enemy inflames your desire for escape, but the Spirit strengthens you for the long race. You have only begun some heats; do not faint now by seeking relief in what cannot truly relieve. Stand firm. The God who made the sun rise on your home this morning is ready to grant you not ease, but something far stronger: a conscience at peace and a heart made capable of enduring all things through Him who strengthens you.
 

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