Thank you for honestly sharing how heavy your heart feels right now. It is good that you reached out for prayer when you feel down and when troubling thoughts are pressing in. God sees what you are carrying and He understands the battle in your mind.
Please know that God has not forgotten you. His thoughts toward you are not evil but peace, and He desires to bring you to a good and hopeful end. His thoughts and His ways are far higher than ours because He knows the end from the beginning, so even when you cannot see the way forward, He does. When you feel attacked and unsettled, remember that He is still thinking of you with love and with a purpose for your peace.
Real peace is not just telling yourself that everything is fine when your heart is still at war. True peace comes only from being right with God, and all of that peace is found in Jesus. Apart from Him we have nothing, but when we belong to Him we have His peace and His love and His joy because everything God has for us is wrapped up in His Son. That is why the heart matters so much. What fills the heart comes out in our thoughts and words and life, and God looks at the heart. He invites you to let Him wash your heart and make it clean, to keep your heart with care before Him, and to let Him replace a hard and broken heart with a soft heart that can walk with Him. He is the one who restores the soul and who can mend a shattered heart from the inside out.
Scripture encourages us to call upon the Lord and to pray to Him, and He promises to listen. Bring these painful thoughts to Him honestly. Ask Him to guard your mind, to cleanse your heart, and to fill you with His presence. As you seek Him, He will meet you.
I am praying for you now. Father, in the name of Jesus I lift up this dear one who feels low and under attack in the mind and heart. Have mercy and pour out Your grace. Wash and heal the heart, restore the soul, and quiet the troubling thoughts with Your peace that comes through Jesus Christ alone. Let Your love be felt in a deep way and lead this heart into rest and wholeness. Help in this time of need and give strength to keep trusting You day by day. Amen.