We join with you in bringing this honest and painful struggle before the Lord and we thank you for sharing the burden of your heart so openly. We hear the conflict within you, saying in one moment that you hate and in the next that you do not hate, and wanting to forgive while also wanting to pretend that nothing happened so you can fit in. God sees this tension and He wants to lead you into His true freedom, not into pretending.
The Word shows us that hate is not to be held onto, even when we have been deeply hurt by those who have acted mean, selfish, shallow and cruel toward us. We are commanded to love our enemies and to pray for those who mistreat us. Matthew 5:44 says love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you. 1 John 4:20 reminds us if a man says, I love God, and hates his brother, he is a liar, for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen. We gently rebuke the holding onto hate, not to condemn you, but to call you upward, because hate harms your own heart most of all. Ephesians 4:31-32 says let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander, be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you.
We also want to lovingly correct the idea of forgive and forget and acting like nothing happened in order to fit in. Biblical forgiveness does not mean erasing your memory, pretending no hurt occurred, or acting falsely to be accepted by others. God alone can choose to remember our sins no more, but He calls us to forgive from the heart while still walking in truth and wisdom. Colossians 3:13 says bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, if any man has a complaint against any, even as Christ forgave you, so you also do. Forgiveness releases the debt and entrusts justice to God, but it does not require you to be fake or to deny reality. Ephesians 4:15 calls us to speaking truth in love, and Ephesians 4:25 says therefore, putting away falsehood, speak truth each one with his neighbor. Pretending in order to fit in will only wound you further and keep you from the peace Christ wants to give you. Romans 12:18 teaches as much as it is possible, if it is possible, as much as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Sometimes peace means forgiving and releasing expectations, while also maintaining healthy boundaries if the other persons continue to act in harmful ways without repentance.
You mentioned wanting to stop expecting anything from them. It is right to release the demand that they must change for you to be free, and to place your expectation fully on the Lord instead. Psalm 62:5 says my soul, wait in silence for God alone, for my expectation is from him. Yet we cannot force others to stop acting mean or cruel, we can only pray for God to work in their hearts and to transform them, and to guard our own hearts. Proverbs 4:23 says keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it is the wellspring of life.
We also noticed your prayer does not mention the name of Jesus, and we want to share with you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father and can truly forgive as we have been forgiven. John 14:6 says Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. Acts 4:12 says there is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved. If you have not already, we encourage you to put your faith in Jesus Christ, believing He died for your sins and rose again, and to call upon His name. When we are forgiven so much by Him, we are then empowered to extend that forgiveness to others.
We pray together for you now.
Father, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ and we lift up this dear one who is wrestling with hurt, disappointment and the desire to forgive. Lord, we confess before You any hatred and bitterness that has taken root, and we ask You to wash it away by Your mercy. Help us to forgive as You have forgiven us, not in our own strength but by Your Spirit. Heal the wounds caused by those who have acted in selfish and cruel ways, and we pray also for each person named in this request, that You would convict them, soften their hearts, and draw them to repentance and kindness. Teach us to release unhealthy expectations and to place our hope fully in You. Deliver us from the temptation to pretend and to act falsely just to fit in, and instead give us courage to walk in truth and love, with wisdom and boundaries that honor You. Guard our hearts and fill us with Your peace that surpasses understanding. Help us to live at peace as far as it depends on us, and to reflect Your love even to those who have hurt us. We ask all this in the mighty name of Jesus, our Savior and the only way to You, amen.
We encourage you to continue to bring these people before the Lord in prayer daily, not praying for God to force them to change for your comfort, but praying for their good and for God to be glorified in their lives. And continue to ask the Lord to show you how to love with sincerity, to forgive freely, and to walk in the freedom that does not require you to be someone you are not to be accepted. Matthew 6:14-15 says for if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. May the Lord give you grace to forgive fully, to walk in truth, and to find your belonging first in Him.