Silas
Beloved of All
Your honest and exhausted cry has been heard, and I want you to know that God is not distant from the distress you describe. The constant ringing, the anxiety that will not lift, the feeling that medication is not helping and that you cannot carry this any longer, all of that is a heavy burden and the Lord sees it.
There is a place of deep despair that Scripture talks about, where the apostle Paul cries out, O wretched man that I am, who will deliver me. Many of us first come to that place and still try to answer it ourselves, asking how can I deliver myself. The turning point comes when we stop trying to rescue ourselves by our own effort and instead ask who will rescue us. God at times allows us to come to the end of our own strength, not to crush us, but so that we will stop trusting in ourselves and learn to trust Him to do what we cannot do. The victory does not come from finding a secret technique to make our flesh acceptable, but from the work of His Spirit within us. It is God who causes us to triumph through Jesus Christ, so that all the glory goes to Him. That is the hope held out in Romans chapter 8, that the Spirit brings life and power where our own efforts fail.
That same Jesus is the one who has power over both body and spirit. When He walked on earth He healed the leper, He healed the servant of the centurion from a distance, He healed Peter's mother in law, and in the evening crowds brought many who were sick and oppressed. Matthew tells us this was to fulfill what Isaiah prophesied, that He Himself bore our infirmities and carried our sicknesses. His suffering was not only for sin but for the brokenness of our bodies and minds as well. He still has authority in the physical realm and in the spiritual realm, and He is able to heal.
At the same time there is much about healing that we do not fully understand. Sometimes Jesus healed instantly with a touch, sometimes with only a word, sometimes from far away, and once the healing came gradually. Any true healing is from God, whether it comes in a moment or through the slow processes He has built into our bodies. Those natural processes are not less divine, because He is the one who created nature and its ability to mend. We do not understand why some are healed quickly and others continue to wait, even when they pray earnestly. The apostle Paul prayed three times for his own thorn in the flesh and the answer was not removal but sustaining grace. It is wrong for anyone to tell you that you are not healed because you have hidden sin or because you do not have enough faith. That is not scriptural and it only adds burden to those who are already suffering. There is also much phoniness today from those who try to work up excitement or exploit suffering for gain, and that is not the way of Jesus, who often healed quietly and without show.
Please hear that your life is precious to God and that this feeling of wanting to be taken now is a sign to reach out for help right away. Do not face these thoughts alone. Talk today with a trusted pastor, a counselor, a doctor, or a family member who can stay with you, and keep working with your medical providers about the ringing and the anxiety even as you pray. If you feel unsafe, please call a trusted person near you or a crisis helpline in your area immediately.
God invites you to bring this exact pain to Him, not with a formula but with honest prayer. You can tell Him you are at the end of yourself, that you need Him to be your deliverer, and ask for His Spirit to give you peace and strength for each day. He may bring relief instantly, He may bring it gradually, He may sustain you through a longer journey, but He will not abandon you in it.
I am praying for you, that the Lord who bore your infirmities would touch your body and quiet the constant noise, that He would calm the anxiety that overwhelms you, and that He would lift the despair and show you His presence and power in a very personal way. May He remind you that you are loved, that you are not alone, and that He is able to carry you when you have no strength left. Keep crying out to Him, keep seeking help from those around you, and may His peace guard your heart and mind through Christ Jesus.
There is a place of deep despair that Scripture talks about, where the apostle Paul cries out, O wretched man that I am, who will deliver me. Many of us first come to that place and still try to answer it ourselves, asking how can I deliver myself. The turning point comes when we stop trying to rescue ourselves by our own effort and instead ask who will rescue us. God at times allows us to come to the end of our own strength, not to crush us, but so that we will stop trusting in ourselves and learn to trust Him to do what we cannot do. The victory does not come from finding a secret technique to make our flesh acceptable, but from the work of His Spirit within us. It is God who causes us to triumph through Jesus Christ, so that all the glory goes to Him. That is the hope held out in Romans chapter 8, that the Spirit brings life and power where our own efforts fail.
That same Jesus is the one who has power over both body and spirit. When He walked on earth He healed the leper, He healed the servant of the centurion from a distance, He healed Peter's mother in law, and in the evening crowds brought many who were sick and oppressed. Matthew tells us this was to fulfill what Isaiah prophesied, that He Himself bore our infirmities and carried our sicknesses. His suffering was not only for sin but for the brokenness of our bodies and minds as well. He still has authority in the physical realm and in the spiritual realm, and He is able to heal.
At the same time there is much about healing that we do not fully understand. Sometimes Jesus healed instantly with a touch, sometimes with only a word, sometimes from far away, and once the healing came gradually. Any true healing is from God, whether it comes in a moment or through the slow processes He has built into our bodies. Those natural processes are not less divine, because He is the one who created nature and its ability to mend. We do not understand why some are healed quickly and others continue to wait, even when they pray earnestly. The apostle Paul prayed three times for his own thorn in the flesh and the answer was not removal but sustaining grace. It is wrong for anyone to tell you that you are not healed because you have hidden sin or because you do not have enough faith. That is not scriptural and it only adds burden to those who are already suffering. There is also much phoniness today from those who try to work up excitement or exploit suffering for gain, and that is not the way of Jesus, who often healed quietly and without show.
Please hear that your life is precious to God and that this feeling of wanting to be taken now is a sign to reach out for help right away. Do not face these thoughts alone. Talk today with a trusted pastor, a counselor, a doctor, or a family member who can stay with you, and keep working with your medical providers about the ringing and the anxiety even as you pray. If you feel unsafe, please call a trusted person near you or a crisis helpline in your area immediately.
God invites you to bring this exact pain to Him, not with a formula but with honest prayer. You can tell Him you are at the end of yourself, that you need Him to be your deliverer, and ask for His Spirit to give you peace and strength for each day. He may bring relief instantly, He may bring it gradually, He may sustain you through a longer journey, but He will not abandon you in it.
I am praying for you, that the Lord who bore your infirmities would touch your body and quiet the constant noise, that He would calm the anxiety that overwhelms you, and that He would lift the despair and show you His presence and power in a very personal way. May He remind you that you are loved, that you are not alone, and that He is able to carry you when you have no strength left. Keep crying out to Him, keep seeking help from those around you, and may His peace guard your heart and mind through Christ Jesus.
