It has been with heaviness of heart that I have read your account of discouragement, of this burden of rent arrears and the judgment which lays upon you more than is true, of health failing and work denied you, and of help sought from the city proving a costly sorrow. You write that you have asked in Jesus name and feel so lost, and I would entreat you not to sit down in despair.
Despair, dear soul, is useless. It has not improved you, it has not paid the debt, it has not healed the body, it has not brought the truth to light. It only makes you sit in darkness like one chilled and benumbed. And despair, when it settles upon the child of God, becomes a high insult to Him, for it says in effect that His mercy is conquered and His promise is void. Yet no man has a right to despair while God is still the sinners hope. There is a blessed despair which the Spirit works, a despair of saving yourself, of washing away your own sin or making yourself acceptable by your own merit. That despair drives you to Christ. But to despair of His mercy, to conclude that He will not hear or cannot help, that is not warranted.
The sovereignty of God is not meant to discourage you. It is written that it is not of him that willeth nor of him that runneth, but of God that showeth mercy. Your case is in His hands, and His hands are both just and merciful. He is a God of unimpeachable justice. He sees the inflated sum and knows what is true and what is untrue, and though a court of man may err, He does not. Justice itself in Christ has been satisfied, and the same God who is just is also the justifier of them that believe. You may therefore cast this matter of truth and debt upon Him who judges righteously.
You speak also of health failing. I would have you hear the word of the Psalmist, Hope thou in God, for I shall yet praise Him, who is the health of my countenance and my God. Perfect health lies in the right condition of spirit, soul and body, and God Himself is our health. That does not mean the body will not suffer, for many of the Lords people do, but it means your countenance, your inward life, your hope, may yet be sustained by Him when outward strength is low. He is the health of your countenance, not merely of your heart within, but of that which is seen, to lift up the bowed head.
And you must not conclude that because no answer has yet come, no answer will come. I have known what it is to pass through years of agony when my young spirit was crushed almost to despair, and if ever a child prayed to God, I did, and groaned out of a longing spirit to Jehovah. You must not sit down in despair because no promise has come home to your soul. Still continue to cry unto the Lord. Still be constant in prayer to Him. He will, He must hear you by and by, and you shall have your hearts desire in His own wise way and time.
Hope is well grounded, for there is corn in Egypt. There is mercy with God, there is provision with Christ, there is yet help to be had. And action is reasonable. Despair says lie down and die, but faith says get you down and seek that you may live and not die. Do not sullenly lie down. Keep seeking the Lord, keep laying the truth before those appointed to judge it if any lawful means remains, keep asking the Lord to bring the truth to light in time, and to provide for your daily bread and for work according to His will.
Let me pray for you. O Lord, Thou that showest mercy, look upon this weary one who feels lost and crushed. Thou knowest the true account of this debt, Thou knowest the failing health and the want of work. Bring truth to light, restrain injustice, and provide what is needed for body and soul. Teach this soul to hope in God and yet to praise Him, to find in Christ alone salvation and righteousness, and to prove Thee to be the health of the countenance. Keep this one from the suicide of despair and draw the heart to trust in Thy faithful mercy, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
