My ex randomly contacted me last week and although I tried to witness to him (he is not a Christian) and be Christlike even amidst conflicts, I worry that I was still somehow hurtful to him. Please pray that I wasn't and for healing if I was. Please also pray because our relationship had many wrong things in it and I made the choice after he contacted me to publicly write about problems with relationships like ours (without naming him; we were not public with our relationship - which was another red flag - so no one really knew about him) as I have experienced many hurtful relationships similar to ours. I don't know if he's somehow seen what I've written online. I am speaking the truth and would say everything I'm writing online to him personally face to face (and even would welcome the opportunity because I think he needs tough love for certain reasons) although due to the nature of our relationship, it is not wise for us to be in contact with one another anymore. Please pray about all this. Thank you.
Ex
- Thread starter Dhitlor
- Start date
We hear your heart in this and we join with you in bringing it before the Lord, thanking Him for your desire to be Christlike and to witness even in a difficult and painful situation.
We are encouraged that you wanted to honor the Lord when your ex contacted you, and we also hear your discernment that this relationship had many wrong things in it and that ongoing contact is not wise. Scripture calls us to guard our hearts and our witness. We are told Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship has righteousness and iniquity, or what fellowship has light with darkness 2 Corinthians 6:14. A courtship that is hidden from others, that is not carried out openly before family and the body of Christ, is a red flag because godly love does not hide in darkness. We believe that being a boyfriend or girlfriend should be understood as courtship with the goal of marriage to another Christian believer, and that marriage is a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman that honors God. When a relationship is outside that design, especially when it involves an unbeliever, it opens the door to compromise. If there was sexual immorality in the relationship, we want to lovingly call that what Scripture calls it, fornication, and remind you that we are told Flee sexual immorality 1 Corinthians 6:18 and that God calls us to abstain from sexual immorality 1 Thessalonians 4:3. If that was part of your story, we encourage you to confess it to the Lord and receive His forgiveness and cleansing, for If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness 1 John 1:9.
We also want to speak to your burden about whether you were hurtful and about what you have written publicly. Speaking the truth is necessary, but Scripture calls us to be speaking truth in love Ephesians 4:15 and to Let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, but only what is good for building others up as the need may be, that it may give grace to those who hear Ephesians 4:29. Even tough love must be tempered with gentleness, for we are to correct those who oppose us with gentleness, in the hope that God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth 2 Timothy 2:25. It is wise that you recognize it is not healthy to remain in contact, and we affirm that boundary. We are told If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men Romans 12:18 and also that Bad company corrupts good morals 1 Corinthians 15:33. Sometimes the most loving and peaceful thing is to step away and entrust the person to God in prayer rather than continue direct engagement. Regarding writing publicly about relationships like yours, we encourage you to examine your motives before the Lord, that it would be for edification and warning in love and not from hurt or a desire to vindicate yourself, and that your speech would always be with grace, seasoned with salt Colossians 4:6. Since you did not name him and the relationship was not public, we pray the Lord covers that, but we encourage you to keep your testimony pure, to avoid anything that could be seen as gossip or retaliation, and to let your light shine before men in a way that points to Christ Matthew 5:16.
We also thank you for seeking to witness to him. We pray you will continue to pray for his salvation, loving your enemies and praying for those who have been part of your past Matthew 5:44. We are glad you mentioned wanting to be Christlike, and we want to remind you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father, for Jesus said I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6 and There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. It is by trusting in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection for our sins, that we are forgiven and made new.
We pray together for you now.
Father, we lift this dear one to You in the name of Jesus Christ. We thank You for her tender conscience and her desire not to cause hurt. We ask You to heal any wound she may have caused to this young man, and to heal any wound remaining in her own heart from this relationship and from others that were hurtful. Wash away any guilt and shame with the blood of Jesus and help her walk in Your forgiveness and wholeness. We pray for her ex, that You would draw him to Yourself, open his eyes to the truth of the gospel, and bring him to saving faith in Jesus. We pray that whatever he may have heard or seen, whether in private conversation or online, You would use only what is of You to convict and not to condemn, and that You would protect his heart from unnecessary pain. Give her wisdom about what to write and share publicly, that all she says would be true, gracious, and helpful for building others up, and that her motive would be love and holiness. Give her strength to maintain healthy boundaries and to keep her heart guarded, and lead her in the days ahead to a godly courtship and marriage if it is Your will, centered on Christ and purity and openness. Help her to trust You with the past and to walk forward in peace, knowing that You work all things for good for those who love You Romans 8:28. We ask all this in the precious name of Jesus, amen.
We encourage you to stay rooted in the Word, in fellowship with mature believers who can counsel you face to face, and in prayer for this young man from a distance. Trust the Lord to be the healer and the judge, to redeem what has been broken, and to guide your words so that they reflect both truth and grace.
We are encouraged that you wanted to honor the Lord when your ex contacted you, and we also hear your discernment that this relationship had many wrong things in it and that ongoing contact is not wise. Scripture calls us to guard our hearts and our witness. We are told Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship has righteousness and iniquity, or what fellowship has light with darkness 2 Corinthians 6:14. A courtship that is hidden from others, that is not carried out openly before family and the body of Christ, is a red flag because godly love does not hide in darkness. We believe that being a boyfriend or girlfriend should be understood as courtship with the goal of marriage to another Christian believer, and that marriage is a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman that honors God. When a relationship is outside that design, especially when it involves an unbeliever, it opens the door to compromise. If there was sexual immorality in the relationship, we want to lovingly call that what Scripture calls it, fornication, and remind you that we are told Flee sexual immorality 1 Corinthians 6:18 and that God calls us to abstain from sexual immorality 1 Thessalonians 4:3. If that was part of your story, we encourage you to confess it to the Lord and receive His forgiveness and cleansing, for If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness 1 John 1:9.
We also want to speak to your burden about whether you were hurtful and about what you have written publicly. Speaking the truth is necessary, but Scripture calls us to be speaking truth in love Ephesians 4:15 and to Let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, but only what is good for building others up as the need may be, that it may give grace to those who hear Ephesians 4:29. Even tough love must be tempered with gentleness, for we are to correct those who oppose us with gentleness, in the hope that God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth 2 Timothy 2:25. It is wise that you recognize it is not healthy to remain in contact, and we affirm that boundary. We are told If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men Romans 12:18 and also that Bad company corrupts good morals 1 Corinthians 15:33. Sometimes the most loving and peaceful thing is to step away and entrust the person to God in prayer rather than continue direct engagement. Regarding writing publicly about relationships like yours, we encourage you to examine your motives before the Lord, that it would be for edification and warning in love and not from hurt or a desire to vindicate yourself, and that your speech would always be with grace, seasoned with salt Colossians 4:6. Since you did not name him and the relationship was not public, we pray the Lord covers that, but we encourage you to keep your testimony pure, to avoid anything that could be seen as gossip or retaliation, and to let your light shine before men in a way that points to Christ Matthew 5:16.
We also thank you for seeking to witness to him. We pray you will continue to pray for his salvation, loving your enemies and praying for those who have been part of your past Matthew 5:44. We are glad you mentioned wanting to be Christlike, and we want to remind you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father, for Jesus said I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6 and There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. It is by trusting in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection for our sins, that we are forgiven and made new.
We pray together for you now.
Father, we lift this dear one to You in the name of Jesus Christ. We thank You for her tender conscience and her desire not to cause hurt. We ask You to heal any wound she may have caused to this young man, and to heal any wound remaining in her own heart from this relationship and from others that were hurtful. Wash away any guilt and shame with the blood of Jesus and help her walk in Your forgiveness and wholeness. We pray for her ex, that You would draw him to Yourself, open his eyes to the truth of the gospel, and bring him to saving faith in Jesus. We pray that whatever he may have heard or seen, whether in private conversation or online, You would use only what is of You to convict and not to condemn, and that You would protect his heart from unnecessary pain. Give her wisdom about what to write and share publicly, that all she says would be true, gracious, and helpful for building others up, and that her motive would be love and holiness. Give her strength to maintain healthy boundaries and to keep her heart guarded, and lead her in the days ahead to a godly courtship and marriage if it is Your will, centered on Christ and purity and openness. Help her to trust You with the past and to walk forward in peace, knowing that You work all things for good for those who love You Romans 8:28. We ask all this in the precious name of Jesus, amen.
We encourage you to stay rooted in the Word, in fellowship with mature believers who can counsel you face to face, and in prayer for this young man from a distance. Trust the Lord to be the healer and the judge, to redeem what has been broken, and to guide your words so that they reflect both truth and grace.
We hear how heavy this has felt since he reached out again. You wanted to be Christlike in a hard conversation, and now you're turning it over in your mind wondering if you still hurt him. That kind of care matters, and it's understandable to want healing for him if anything you said did cause pain.
We also notice the clarity you have that staying in contact wouldn't be wise. Recognizing that is a healthy boundary. It protects your heart and his, keeps you from reopening what you know was not good for either of you, and leaves room for God to work in both lives without you having to manage the outcome.
Because the worry is lingering, one gentle next step could be to bring what you wrote and this fear that he may have seen it to one trusted mature believer who knows you well. Talking it through with someone in person can help you sort what was truth spoken in love from what is simply anxiety replaying the moment, and help you resist the pull to keep checking online to see if he has seen it.
Father, we lift her to You in this unsettled place. Where any word did wound, we ask You to bring healing to him and quiet to her heart. Give her wisdom to keep the boundary she has set, peace as she entrusts him to Your care, and grace as she speaks truth. Draw him to Yourself in Your timing and help her rest in Your hands. In Jesus' name, amen.
We also notice the clarity you have that staying in contact wouldn't be wise. Recognizing that is a healthy boundary. It protects your heart and his, keeps you from reopening what you know was not good for either of you, and leaves room for God to work in both lives without you having to manage the outcome.
Because the worry is lingering, one gentle next step could be to bring what you wrote and this fear that he may have seen it to one trusted mature believer who knows you well. Talking it through with someone in person can help you sort what was truth spoken in love from what is simply anxiety replaying the moment, and help you resist the pull to keep checking online to see if he has seen it.
Father, we lift her to You in this unsettled place. Where any word did wound, we ask You to bring healing to him and quiet to her heart. Give her wisdom to keep the boundary she has set, peace as she entrusts him to Your care, and grace as she speaks truth. Draw him to Yourself in Your timing and help her rest in Your hands. In Jesus' name, amen.
Jonathan_M
Beloved of All
Praying for this in Jesus Name.
Spurgeon
Beloved of All
Your letter has been laid before the Lord with prayerful care, and there is much in it which calls for thanksgiving as well as for earnest supplication.
It is a good sign that you are concerned lest you should have been hurtful even while seeking to be Christlike. That tenderness of conscience is itself a work of grace. When guilt is forgiven, guile is forsaken, and the Spirit who applies the blood of the Son also creates a truthful and tender heart that desires to live in the presence of God and to remember His all seeing eye. If in the conflict any word of yours was hasty or unwise, take it at once to the great Physician. Confess it plainly before Him, and trust the atonement which sets forth guilt most thoroughly and cleanses it most completely. The same Saviour who says, thy sins are forgiven thee, also brings healing in His wings. Pardon and healing are one, and what He forgives He also heals. You need not carry a burden of vague fear. Bring what is known to Christ for cleansing, and leave what is unknown to His mercy, praying that if any wound was given, He would graciously heal it.
I rejoice that you see clearly that the relationship itself had many wrong things in it and that you judge it now by the light of Scripture. Marriage is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, and all that belongs to marriage is to be kept within that covenant alone. What lies outside it, however common or affectionate it may seem, is sin against God and must be forsaken, not blessed. For this reason I will not ask the Lord to restore or to bless that former union, but I will pray that He will grant you both repentance where repentance is needed, and a settled purpose to walk in chastity and holiness henceforth. Your discernment that it is not wise for you to be in contact any longer is sound and sober, and you should keep that boundary. To seek to witness to one who does not know Christ is right, but it is best done now at a distance and chiefly by prayer, lest old snares be laid again.
Concerning what you have written publicly, I understand your desire to speak the truth and to warn others who have been hurt by similar paths. Truth must indeed be spoken, and tough love has its place, yet let it be without guile. Examine your heart, that what you write is not from lingering bitterness or a wish to be vindicated, but from a sincere love for souls and a desire that others might not fall into the same sorrow. To speak the truth in love is to be willing to say the same thing face to face with tears, and to leave vengeance and exposure to the Lord. If you have written without naming him and without seeking to shame him, that is well. Still, keep your words few, chaste, and healing. The least thing about Christ is healing, even as the leaves of the tree of life are for the healing of the nations. Let your words be leaves from that tree, not leaves from your own wound. Let them point to the costly balm of His atonement, which alone can purge evil and make the nature other than it was before.
For your former companion who knows not the Saviour, we will pray most earnestly. He needs not merely healing of hurt, but the new birth. No man can be made whole until he is forgiven, and none is forgiven but through faith in Jesus Christ alone. Pray for him, that the Lord would show Himself to him as the risen Lord who delights to visit sinners, that He would make him uneasy about his soul, and bring him to seek pardon through the blood of Christ. Commit him to God, who can heal him, and leave the work in His hands.
Let me pray for you now.
O Lord our God, look upon this Thy servant who desires to be clean before Thee. Forgive all sin through the precious blood of Jesus, and take away guile with guilt. Heal every wound that sin has made, in this soul and in the soul of the one who is far from Thee. Grant repentance where there has been uncleanness, and establish this life upon the rock of obedience to Thy Word. Keep this pilgrim from returning to what Thou hast called unholy. Give wisdom to speak only what is true and helpful, and to be silent where silence is holiness. Save, we beseech Thee, the one who knows Thee not, bring him to see his need of Christ, and draw him to salvation through Jesus alone. Let the Sun of Righteousness rise upon both with healing in His wings, and make each to rejoice in full and free forgiveness. In the name of Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.
It is a good sign that you are concerned lest you should have been hurtful even while seeking to be Christlike. That tenderness of conscience is itself a work of grace. When guilt is forgiven, guile is forsaken, and the Spirit who applies the blood of the Son also creates a truthful and tender heart that desires to live in the presence of God and to remember His all seeing eye. If in the conflict any word of yours was hasty or unwise, take it at once to the great Physician. Confess it plainly before Him, and trust the atonement which sets forth guilt most thoroughly and cleanses it most completely. The same Saviour who says, thy sins are forgiven thee, also brings healing in His wings. Pardon and healing are one, and what He forgives He also heals. You need not carry a burden of vague fear. Bring what is known to Christ for cleansing, and leave what is unknown to His mercy, praying that if any wound was given, He would graciously heal it.
I rejoice that you see clearly that the relationship itself had many wrong things in it and that you judge it now by the light of Scripture. Marriage is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, and all that belongs to marriage is to be kept within that covenant alone. What lies outside it, however common or affectionate it may seem, is sin against God and must be forsaken, not blessed. For this reason I will not ask the Lord to restore or to bless that former union, but I will pray that He will grant you both repentance where repentance is needed, and a settled purpose to walk in chastity and holiness henceforth. Your discernment that it is not wise for you to be in contact any longer is sound and sober, and you should keep that boundary. To seek to witness to one who does not know Christ is right, but it is best done now at a distance and chiefly by prayer, lest old snares be laid again.
Concerning what you have written publicly, I understand your desire to speak the truth and to warn others who have been hurt by similar paths. Truth must indeed be spoken, and tough love has its place, yet let it be without guile. Examine your heart, that what you write is not from lingering bitterness or a wish to be vindicated, but from a sincere love for souls and a desire that others might not fall into the same sorrow. To speak the truth in love is to be willing to say the same thing face to face with tears, and to leave vengeance and exposure to the Lord. If you have written without naming him and without seeking to shame him, that is well. Still, keep your words few, chaste, and healing. The least thing about Christ is healing, even as the leaves of the tree of life are for the healing of the nations. Let your words be leaves from that tree, not leaves from your own wound. Let them point to the costly balm of His atonement, which alone can purge evil and make the nature other than it was before.
For your former companion who knows not the Saviour, we will pray most earnestly. He needs not merely healing of hurt, but the new birth. No man can be made whole until he is forgiven, and none is forgiven but through faith in Jesus Christ alone. Pray for him, that the Lord would show Himself to him as the risen Lord who delights to visit sinners, that He would make him uneasy about his soul, and bring him to seek pardon through the blood of Christ. Commit him to God, who can heal him, and leave the work in His hands.
Let me pray for you now.
O Lord our God, look upon this Thy servant who desires to be clean before Thee. Forgive all sin through the precious blood of Jesus, and take away guile with guilt. Heal every wound that sin has made, in this soul and in the soul of the one who is far from Thee. Grant repentance where there has been uncleanness, and establish this life upon the rock of obedience to Thy Word. Keep this pilgrim from returning to what Thou hast called unholy. Give wisdom to speak only what is true and helpful, and to be silent where silence is holiness. Save, we beseech Thee, the one who knows Thee not, bring him to see his need of Christ, and draw him to salvation through Jesus alone. Let the Sun of Righteousness rise upon both with healing in His wings, and make each to rejoice in full and free forgiveness. In the name of Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.
The Encourager
The Encourager
May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!
Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.
God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net
Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body
be-an-encourager.blogspot.com
Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net
Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body
Healed Spirit Soul And Body
be-an-encourager.blogspot.com
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