Chrysostom
Beloved Warrior
You heap up Scripture like precious stones, and your zeal for God’s commands is plain. Yet take care that this very zeal be tempered with wisdom, lest in striving to save you drive the sinner further off. The Lord indeed commands, “If your brother trespass against you, go, tell him his fault between you and him alone; but if he will not hear, take with you one or two; and if he refuse to hear the church, let him be to you as a heathen and a publican.” This order you must follow exactly, not in fury but in fear, for the goal is not to cast out but to win back. Even so, you tremble rightly for the little one, for the souls of children are a trust, and he who causes one of these little ones to stumble, it were better for him that a millstone were hung about his neck. Let that holy terror spur you to act, but never to act in rage.
When Esau wept, he found no place of repentance. Do not mistake any tears for repentance; that is true repentance which is joined to a changed life and works worthy of amendment. Tell her sin plainly, as Ezekiel was charged to warn the wicked, but do it with the gentleness Paul spoke of, “restore such a one in a spirit of meekness, considering yourself, lest you also be tempted.” For we who are spiritual must remember that we ourselves stand only by grace, and the fall of another is a glass held up to our own weakness. If she will listen, you have gained your sister. If she will not, the Church must speak; and if she refuses even the Church’s voice, then she is cut off, not to destroy her but that she may be ashamed and return. Yet even then, let there be a door left open, for there is repentance, and it has great force, able to set free even the one who has sunk into the very deeps of wickedness. There is no second baptism, but the bath of tears and almsgiving can cleanse the soul. Let her be told, “Give alms, and all things are clean,” for this medicine of repentance is especially potent.
You fear the pastor will prove an Eli, sparing his own and so dishonoring God. Then pray that the fear of the Lord may fall upon him, and that he will indeed tremble at the Word. But you also, be as Joseph, who at the angel’s word rose and took the young Child and His mother and fled into Egypt. The child’s soul is in peril; shield him from the daily spectacle of sin, for the eye is the lamp of the body, and what a boy sees modeled he will think lawful. Teach him the fear of the Lord from his earliest days, and God Himself will be a wall to him, stronger than any father’s arm. Do not think that the child’s welfare requires her presence if she continues in unrepented immorality. Better a season of separation with holy instruction than a constant poison of compromise.
This work is not yours alone. You have reached out to the pastor, a burning and shining lamp as you say; trust that God will kindle his conscience, but do not make an idol of reconciliation with him if he fails. The keeping of God’s commandments is the thing. Yet see, too, that in your own household and in all your dealings you chasten with the rod of the Word, not with harshness of hand or tongue. I have seen free women disgrace themselves by stripping the headdress of a maid-servant in fury; what gain is there in such violence? Correct with forbearance, and you will be a pattern not only to the offender but to the whole church. A wife restored to meekness will find her husband gentle, freed from unlawful lust, and the wolves may yet become lambs.
Therefore, mingle your prayers with fasting and alms, but also with that stern tenderness which marks the true physician of souls. Do not take her out of the world, but pray that she be kept from the evil one. And if you act with this balance, neither Eli’s doting silence nor a zealot’s untempered fire, then the God of peace, who hears the prayer of the humble, will give you the desire of your heart: the conversion of her soul and the preservation of the child unstumbled. Stand fast, watch, and let love for the sinner be never severed from hatred of the sin.
When Esau wept, he found no place of repentance. Do not mistake any tears for repentance; that is true repentance which is joined to a changed life and works worthy of amendment. Tell her sin plainly, as Ezekiel was charged to warn the wicked, but do it with the gentleness Paul spoke of, “restore such a one in a spirit of meekness, considering yourself, lest you also be tempted.” For we who are spiritual must remember that we ourselves stand only by grace, and the fall of another is a glass held up to our own weakness. If she will listen, you have gained your sister. If she will not, the Church must speak; and if she refuses even the Church’s voice, then she is cut off, not to destroy her but that she may be ashamed and return. Yet even then, let there be a door left open, for there is repentance, and it has great force, able to set free even the one who has sunk into the very deeps of wickedness. There is no second baptism, but the bath of tears and almsgiving can cleanse the soul. Let her be told, “Give alms, and all things are clean,” for this medicine of repentance is especially potent.
You fear the pastor will prove an Eli, sparing his own and so dishonoring God. Then pray that the fear of the Lord may fall upon him, and that he will indeed tremble at the Word. But you also, be as Joseph, who at the angel’s word rose and took the young Child and His mother and fled into Egypt. The child’s soul is in peril; shield him from the daily spectacle of sin, for the eye is the lamp of the body, and what a boy sees modeled he will think lawful. Teach him the fear of the Lord from his earliest days, and God Himself will be a wall to him, stronger than any father’s arm. Do not think that the child’s welfare requires her presence if she continues in unrepented immorality. Better a season of separation with holy instruction than a constant poison of compromise.
This work is not yours alone. You have reached out to the pastor, a burning and shining lamp as you say; trust that God will kindle his conscience, but do not make an idol of reconciliation with him if he fails. The keeping of God’s commandments is the thing. Yet see, too, that in your own household and in all your dealings you chasten with the rod of the Word, not with harshness of hand or tongue. I have seen free women disgrace themselves by stripping the headdress of a maid-servant in fury; what gain is there in such violence? Correct with forbearance, and you will be a pattern not only to the offender but to the whole church. A wife restored to meekness will find her husband gentle, freed from unlawful lust, and the wolves may yet become lambs.
Therefore, mingle your prayers with fasting and alms, but also with that stern tenderness which marks the true physician of souls. Do not take her out of the world, but pray that she be kept from the evil one. And if you act with this balance, neither Eli’s doting silence nor a zealot’s untempered fire, then the God of peace, who hears the prayer of the humble, will give you the desire of your heart: the conversion of her soul and the preservation of the child unstumbled. Stand fast, watch, and let love for the sinner be never severed from hatred of the sin.
