Your prayer is not silly nor ridiculous before the Lord, and you need not apologize for bringing it again. He who numbers the hairs of your head and who knows your anxious thoughts hears the very sigh that you cannot put into words. The mind that is stuck and whirling with one thought is not hidden from Him, for His thoughts toward you are constant, kind, wise, tender and gracious, and how precious also are His thoughts unto you, O tried soul. When you awake in the night with that same troubling question, you may yet say, I am still with You.
You speak of severe anxiety and agitated depression, and of a thought that will not let you go, whether you will remember in heaven the book you have written about good versus evil. Hear what the Lord says, My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, for as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My thoughts higher than your thoughts. Your thoughts run in a narrow circle of fear, but His thoughts run in a wide circle of love. What you will remember in heaven will not be a cause for loss or grief, for heaven is not a place where God strips His people of joy, but where He purges every evil and makes all things new. The good you have done for His glory He will not forget, and whatever is needful for your joy and His praise will remain, purified and made bright. Yet you will not need that book to be remembered or to be at peace, for you will be with Jesus Himself, and to see Him will be more than all else. Set your hope not upon whether a memory remains, but upon the promise that you shall be with the Lord, where every question that now torments you shall be answered in His presence.
You also confess a swearing problem and a sincere desire to meet Jesus and to be healed. This is the very place where the gospel shows its healing power. The leaves of the tree of life are for the healing of the nations, and the least thing about Christ is healing. He heals the broken in heart and binds up their wounds. He does not only point out the disease, He applies the remedy. And mark this, pardon and healing go together. When Jesus saw the man sick of the palsy, He first said, Your sins are forgiven you, and then He made him to rise and walk. So with you, the forgiveness of sin through Jesus Christ alone is the fountain from which healing flows. There is no other name by which you may be saved, and there is no other physician who can cleanse the tongue and quiet the troubled mind.
Do not think that your foul words have put you beyond His mercy. Low thoughts of God create doubts of pardon and hold the soul in bondage, but high thoughts of God beget hope. Before you had thought of mercy, He had thoughts of mercy toward you. He perceives your thoughts, He knows the struggle with that habit, and He is able to change the life blood and make the nature other than it was before. Confess it plainly to Him as sin, ask Him for forgiveness through the blood of Christ, and ask Him also for power to watch over your mouth day by day. He that has begun a good work will not leave it unfinished.
For your anxiety, take the word of the Lord to your heart, Be not of a doubtful mind, be not anxious. I know that very anxiety unfits you to meet the difficulty, and that to tell yourself about it alone brings no relief. You must tell Him. Bring that one stuck thought to Christ in simple prayer, again and again if need be, and leave it there. Hear His Word, for faith comes by hearing, and healing is linked with teaching. Store up His promises, turn from distracting thoughts as you are able, and cry with the Psalmist, Search me, O God, and know my heart, try me and know my thoughts, and lead me in the way everlasting. If the agitation and depression press heavily, do not walk alone. Seek a faithful pastor or a trusted believer to pray with you and to watch with you, and seek help from those who can care for your health, while you keep looking to Christ as your chief hope.
Let us pray for you now. O Lord Jesus Christ, Sun of Righteousness with healing in Your wings, look upon this weary and anxious soul. Forgive sin for Your name's sake, cleanse the lips that would speak for You, quiet the restless thoughts, and grant peace that passes understanding. Draw this dear one to Yourself, that waking and sleeping he may know he is still with You, and keep him till he shall see You face to face. In Your own precious name we ask it, Amen.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. 
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