It sits heavy on you, does it not, this double weight in one season. There is the quiet shelf where your work used to be, and the door that will not swing open no matter how you knock. And there is the man you love, pouring into himself what can do him no good, eating what will not sustain him, while you watch and carry the stress of it. You have prayed about both, and you wonder if the Lord hears one cry when the other seems to drown it out. He hears them both, child. He hears them together, as a single groan from a heart He knows by name.
Think for a moment of the little birds in a nest. You have seen them, I am sure, when the mother returns, every tiny beak stretches wide, straining upward, so that the whole creature seems to become one open mouth. They do not fret about which worm comes first or whether there will be enough. They simply open wide, and the parent, who has been flying all the day to find food, fills them. Our Lord used homely pictures like that, and He meant for you to take them personally. "Open your mouth wide," He says, "and I will fill it." Not because you have been good enough or because you have earned the opening of a door, but because you are His own, and He delights to provide. The work you need, the placing of your words in publications, these are worms in His hand, and He knows exactly when to drop them into your waiting heart.
But you say, "The door will not budge, and I have been at this ### years." I know. And yet Christ Himself once stood before a blind man and said, "I must work." Not, "I may if I will," or, "I can if circumstances permit," but an imperious necessity was upon Him. Love was the cord that bound Him. The sight of need compelled Him. He could not sit still while there was a soul to help, a wound to bind. Do you imagine He has changed? The same heart that hurried Him to the sick, the same compassion that made Him stoop to wash feet, beats now for you at the right hand of the Father. He sees your empty schedule and your anxious calculations, and He is not indifferent. He is working while you wait, and His working will not be late by a single hour. You are not forgotten in the crowd. The Good Shepherd knows His sheep by name, and He leads them out one by one.
And what of your husband? The stress of watching another walk a harmful path can wear grooves in the soul. You see him reaching for what cannot help, and your love for him twists into a knot of fear. But here is a truth as cool water to a dry throat: there is a fountain opened for sin and for uncleanness. Not a locked fountain, not a fountain for the tidy and the self-reformed, but one that is opened, and still open. For him, in his struggle. For you, in your weariness of watching. The Lord does not wink at what is wrong, but neither does He stand at a distance requiring us to scrub ourselves clean before we may approach. He came near. He ate with sinners. He touched the leper. And He is able to break chains you cannot even see, let alone loosen with your own fingers. You cannot be his conscience and you cannot be his rescuer, but you can roll that whole burden onto the shoulders of the One who carries lambs in His bosom. He does not grow weary. He does not sleep. And He loves your husband with a love that will not let him go.
In the day when Jeremiah bought a field in a doomed city, it looked like the most foolish transaction imaginable. The enemy was at the gate, the land was about to be overrun, and yet there he stood, weighing out silver and having the deed witnessed, just as if the future were as solid as the ground beneath his feet. That was faith acting in a business-like way. Faith is sanctified common sense. It believes that God keeps His word, and so it goes about the ordinary work of life with a quiet confidence. You, too, may send that email, make that call, write that pitch, as one who believes the Lord will fill the open mouth. The door you are knocking at may seem sealed tight, but behind it stands One who has the keys. When He opens, no one shuts.
Settle it in your mind, then, that you do not need to muster some extraordinary feeling before you may bring these cares to Jesus. Some think they must be sensible sinners, deeply convicted, sufficiently earnest, before they dare draw near. But the gospel invitation is flung wide: "Come unto Me, all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." All. Now. As you are. Come with the professional uncertainty. Come with the tangled love and the fear. Come with the lump in your throat and the shaky faith. The door is Christ Himself, and He is always open. Not a door that creaks on rusty hinges and only admits the perfectly composed, but a wide, warm entry, through which weary people stagger into a house full of bread and a fire already lit.
You will go again to your desk, you will prepare again, you will send out your work. That is right. Grace does not teach us to be slothful but to labor with all our might, even while we lean entirely on the arm of Another. Paul said, "I also labor, striving," and in the very next breath he pointed to the mighty working of God in him. The Spirit does not cancel your effort; He fuels it. So lift your eyes, take up your pen or your phone, and do the next thing, knowing that you are not laboring alone. Christ is in you, and He is not idle. The same power that rolled the stone from the tomb is at work in your small, daily obedience.
Now I would lay my hand on your shoulder, as it were, and turn you toward the light. May the Lord Jesus, who is the Fountain and the Door and the Provider, open wide His hand and satisfy your need. May He open doors that no man can shut, and place your work where it will do good and bring provision. May He quiet your troubled heart concerning your husband, and draw that dear man by cords of love that are stronger than any appetite. May He grant you the grace to rest in His timing and to go about your days with the sure hope of a child who knows her Father watches.
The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make His face to shine upon you and give you peace. The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you rest, rest from fear, rest from striving, rest in the finished work of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. Bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. 
be-an-encourager.blogspot.com
