M
michymich55
Guest
I feel so unworthy in asking this request, as I feel in my heart there are others who need prayers for situations bigger than mine. Before I start, a little history on me. After 15 years in one line of work, I changed my mind and went back to school for a career in the health services field. I gave up a lot...family functions, friends, love, etc. and my prayer was when I was finished with school and was established I would meet a man who would be my true love. I feel this is missing in my life. I have all the love in my heart and I have shared with my family and friends, but sadly I wanted someone to be with to share in my love the rest of my life. One day, out with friends, a man entered my life....literally walked up to me and this was over a year and half ago. He was everything I have never had in previous relationships, kind, loving, taking me for who I was...It was like I was feeling the holy spirit in this relationship. I felt like one with him and felt that God had put him in my life.
Fast forward....in August out of nowhere he told me we needed to "take a break". This broke my heart, and he honestly was going through everything in his life and was trying to be the guy who didn't need anyone to help him through. He said that as hard as it was for him to let me do my own thing, it was harder to love me and watch me "suffer" because he wasn't able to give me the full love I deserved. Less than two weeks later, he brought me back in his life. We were back together, better than before and I hoped that he had learned that I was with him, even when he pushed me aside.
Then in late October, things got strange again...I felt him pushing away from me...After what I went through in August with him, I stood by him still...silently and let him come back to me. He did and things were going much better again. Until this past weekend. He came over to my house and we spent a great evening together...laughing, joking, just being in love. However, I am the first to admit that we also had a bit too much to drink...and my emotions got the best of me...I let go of everything I was feeling...the hurt I felt when he strayed from me, and the joy I felt when he was back to me. I asked what I was to him? He asked what I meant and threw the question back at me. I said, well your my bf...I love and care for you. Then he said "where did you ever get the idea I was your bf?" I was like HUH???? I'm like, well from you!!! We discussed this when we got back together!!! He like, well I'm not truly your bf...but I care about you...I have never, ever cheated on you, you need to trust me there...but given the right opportunity...and the right person, it's not like I'm going to stay with you... I screamed back...you better take a good hard look at the person I am to you, and what you have done to me. I have forgiven, wiped the slate clean, stood by you and love you...and you say THIS to me? Clearly I was shocked because I never saw this side of him. He tried to leave, saying I was crying and he couldn't bear to see the tears he caused!!! Then the next day, he was perfectly back to himself...like nothing ever happened...Then turned tables on me saying that "You said some horrible and nastly things to me last night." I appologized, but then I realized what was I appologizing for??? I didn't say such things, and I hate confrontation, and I am not one to say such things. Well since then, he has totally ignored me. I did text him Merry christmas and hes like TY...you too...
My prayer has been that God help him to see my love for him, and that he realizes that he needs to show the same love for me. I'm tired of the ups and downs of this relationship. I find myself talking out of both sides of my mouth. When I had prayed in the past few months the same thing, God seemed to have moved him closer to me and things were back to normal. I'm not a new Christian, but a few months ago I went from Catholic to Non-Denominational Bible Church. I am being filled with the holy spirit and am actually READING the bible. It's so amazing what God has revealed to me. But I'm confused...I read that In Matthew 7:7 to ask and you will receive. I ask for my "bf's" love to be restored and its not working. Then, I read that God puts you through trials to strengthen your love in him. I'm actively seeking him...I want to know God better, I am begging him for a better relationship. I know God is with me, but I feel so very alone. Today has been excruitatingly painful for me...I see my friends, my family...with husbands/wives...children...love...and I don't have that. I feel that is missing in me. I'm going to be 35 and I feel that I'm going to be all alone... I thought God answered my prayers when he sent my so called bf to me...but I guess I don't get the lesson in this all. All my previous relationships have been abusive or destructive and here my bf was love to me.
So I guess I'm confused, sad, and don't know what is wrong with me. I've been praying and praying...and seeking God and trying to put my trust in God that he knows what I am going through...he knows what my life holds...I just don't know...and I need prayers for wisdom and strength.
Fast forward....in August out of nowhere he told me we needed to "take a break". This broke my heart, and he honestly was going through everything in his life and was trying to be the guy who didn't need anyone to help him through. He said that as hard as it was for him to let me do my own thing, it was harder to love me and watch me "suffer" because he wasn't able to give me the full love I deserved. Less than two weeks later, he brought me back in his life. We were back together, better than before and I hoped that he had learned that I was with him, even when he pushed me aside.
Then in late October, things got strange again...I felt him pushing away from me...After what I went through in August with him, I stood by him still...silently and let him come back to me. He did and things were going much better again. Until this past weekend. He came over to my house and we spent a great evening together...laughing, joking, just being in love. However, I am the first to admit that we also had a bit too much to drink...and my emotions got the best of me...I let go of everything I was feeling...the hurt I felt when he strayed from me, and the joy I felt when he was back to me. I asked what I was to him? He asked what I meant and threw the question back at me. I said, well your my bf...I love and care for you. Then he said "where did you ever get the idea I was your bf?" I was like HUH???? I'm like, well from you!!! We discussed this when we got back together!!! He like, well I'm not truly your bf...but I care about you...I have never, ever cheated on you, you need to trust me there...but given the right opportunity...and the right person, it's not like I'm going to stay with you... I screamed back...you better take a good hard look at the person I am to you, and what you have done to me. I have forgiven, wiped the slate clean, stood by you and love you...and you say THIS to me? Clearly I was shocked because I never saw this side of him. He tried to leave, saying I was crying and he couldn't bear to see the tears he caused!!! Then the next day, he was perfectly back to himself...like nothing ever happened...Then turned tables on me saying that "You said some horrible and nastly things to me last night." I appologized, but then I realized what was I appologizing for??? I didn't say such things, and I hate confrontation, and I am not one to say such things. Well since then, he has totally ignored me. I did text him Merry christmas and hes like TY...you too...
My prayer has been that God help him to see my love for him, and that he realizes that he needs to show the same love for me. I'm tired of the ups and downs of this relationship. I find myself talking out of both sides of my mouth. When I had prayed in the past few months the same thing, God seemed to have moved him closer to me and things were back to normal. I'm not a new Christian, but a few months ago I went from Catholic to Non-Denominational Bible Church. I am being filled with the holy spirit and am actually READING the bible. It's so amazing what God has revealed to me. But I'm confused...I read that In Matthew 7:7 to ask and you will receive. I ask for my "bf's" love to be restored and its not working. Then, I read that God puts you through trials to strengthen your love in him. I'm actively seeking him...I want to know God better, I am begging him for a better relationship. I know God is with me, but I feel so very alone. Today has been excruitatingly painful for me...I see my friends, my family...with husbands/wives...children...love...and I don't have that. I feel that is missing in me. I'm going to be 35 and I feel that I'm going to be all alone... I thought God answered my prayers when he sent my so called bf to me...but I guess I don't get the lesson in this all. All my previous relationships have been abusive or destructive and here my bf was love to me.
So I guess I'm confused, sad, and don't know what is wrong with me. I've been praying and praying...and seeking God and trying to put my trust in God that he knows what I am going through...he knows what my life holds...I just don't know...and I need prayers for wisdom and strength.
