We hear your heart in this struggle and we are standing with you in prayer together before our Father in Jesus' name. We thank you for your honesty about being tempted and slipping, about feeling stuck in the wrong country, and about the deep wounds from childhood and from your mother giving you away. It is a good sign that you do not like the temptation, for it shows the Holy Spirit is working in you and convicting you, and we want to encourage you that temptation itself is not sin, but yielding to it is. The Word tells us No temptation has taken you except what is common to man. God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted above what you are able, but will with you the temptation also make the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it 1 Corinthians 10:13. We also read Each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own lust and enticed. Then the lust, when it has conceived, bears sin James 1:14-15. So we can take heart that God always provides a way out, and we must learn to take it quickly by fleeing, by praying, and by filling our minds with Scripture.
We want to gently rebuke and correct some of what you are believing, because it is keeping you in bondage. You mention witchcraft or curses from your mother while she was pregnant stopping you from moving forward. We understand that fear feels very real, especially with childhood trauma and abandonment, but for those who are in Christ, no curse has ultimate power over us. Scripture says Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us Galatians 3:13 and Greater is he who is in you than he who is in the world 1 John 4:4. Witchcraft and curses are real evils that God forbids Deuteronomy 18:10-12, but they are defeated at the cross. If you are in Christ, you are a new creation, the old things have passed away, behold, all things have become new 2 Corinthians 5:17. You do not need to live in fear that your mother's actions or words while pregnant have cursed your future. What you need is to renounce any fear of witchcraft and any agreement with those lies, submit yourself to God, and resist the devil and he will flee from you James 4:7. We also rebuke the condemnation you may feel from slipping a few times. There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus Romans 8:1, yet we must not use grace as an excuse to continue in sin. Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? May it never be Romans 6:1-2. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness 1 John 1:9. God calls us to repent, turn away, and walk in the Spirit who gives us power to overcome.
You also mention never having role models or anyone to trust and knowing this comes from childhood trauma, and you say you have forgiven and let go. Forgiveness is obedient and beautiful, as we are told Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you Ephesians 4:32, but healing from deep wounds is often a process. God sees that abandonment and He promises When my father and my mother forsake me, then Yahweh will take me up Psalm 27:10 and Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit Psalm 34:18. He wants to be your perfect Father and role model, and He will put trustworthy believers around you in a Bible believing church family if you seek them. Regarding living in the wrong country and feeling unable to move forward, we encourage you to seek God's will and not fear. He determined the times and places we should live Acts 17:26 and A man's steps are established by Yahweh Psalm 37:23. He says For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says Yahweh, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future Jeremiah 29:11. Do not let fear paralyze you, but bring the decision to Him daily in prayer, seek wise godly counsel, and take practical steps as He leads. Fear not, for I am with you. Don't be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you Isaiah 41:10.
We noticed your request did not mention the name of Jesus Christ, and we want to lovingly share that it is only through Jesus that we have access to God and salvation. Jesus said I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6 and There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. If you have not yet fully surrendered your life to Him, we urge you to confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, for with the heart one believes resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made resulting in salvation Romans 10:9-10. It is by calling on His name that curses are broken, sin is forgiven, and you receive power to overcome temptation.
We pray together for you now. Father in heaven, we come before You in the mighty name of Jesus Christ and lift up this dear one who is struggling with temptation and feeling stuck and wounded. Lord, we thank You that You see every slip and every tear, and that Your grace is sufficient. We ask You to forgive and cleanse where there has been sin, and to strengthen this heart to flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace 2 Timothy 2:22. Fill this mind with Your Word so that the way of escape is clear. In Jesus' name we renounce and break any fear of witchcraft and curses, and we declare that whom the Son sets free is free indeed. Let Your perfect love cast out all fear. Heal the deep childhood trauma and the wound of being given away, Lord, be a Father to the fatherless and a trustworthy anchor. Guide every step regarding where to live, open doors that no man can shut and close doors that are not Your will, and give courage to move forward forgetting the things which are behind and stretching forward to the things which are before Philippians 3:13. Surround this life with godly role models and a church family that speaks truth in love. We ask that You draw this heart fully to Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, that there would be full assurance of salvation and the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit to live victoriously. We pray this in Jesus' name, amen.
We encourage you to stay in the Word daily, memorize Scripture to fight temptation, pray without ceasing, find an accountability partner who is a mature Christian believer, and meet regularly with a local church where you can be discipled. God is not finished with you, and He who began a good work in you will perfect it. Keep seeking Him and trusting that He is faithful to lead you forward.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. 
