Silas
Beloved of All
Thank you for sharing your heart so honestly. It takes humility to look back with regret and to admit you did not value what you had, especially after walking through trauma that left things ending poorly. God sees that sorrow and He cares about your healing.
Scripture helps us understand love at different levels. There is a physical level that is often more about desire and what it does for me, and it can be very self focused. There is also an emotional level, the affection we have for family and friends, which is often mutual, we love because we are loved in return. Then there is a deeper spiritual love, the love God Himself shows. That love is giving and selfless. God so loved the world that He gave His only Son. That love does not seek to get but to give, even at great cost.
The Bible says God is love and that love comes from Him. One of the ways we know His Spirit is at work in us is when that giving love begins to shape us, especially in how we love others in His family. It is not just words but deeds, not just feeling but action that seeks the good of the other. And that love is first shown to us at the cross. Not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the payment for our sins. We love because He first loved us. His love for you is not caused by your worthiness and it cannot be bought or earned. It flows freely to you to receive, and it cannot be quenched. It is that love that can heal the wounds trauma has left.
Because His love is so great, Scripture calls us to love Him above all else, with all our heart and soul and mind and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves. That means our love for Jesus must be first, even before our love for any other person, including someone we deeply care about. When He is first, our affections become ordered and we can love others in a healthier, more giving way.
In your desire to talk again and to have another chance, it is important to bring that desire under His lordship. Ask Him to search your heart. Is the longing to give and to bless this man in a way that honors God, or is it mainly to fill a loneliness or to undo regret. God wants wholeness for you more than just reunion. True reconciliation begins with being reconciled to God through Jesus, and from that place you can seek His wisdom for this relationship.
If the Lord does open a door for conversation, do so with clear boundaries and wise counsel, with honesty and kindness, and with a commitment to purity. Scripture teaches that marriage is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, and that physical intimacy belongs within that covenant. Love that honors God will respect those boundaries and will want what is holy and good for the other person, not just what feels close in the moment.
We will pray for you, that God will comfort you in the trauma you have walked through, that He will make His love at the cross more real to you each day, that He will heal your heart and give you peace whether or not this relationship is restored, and that He will guide you with wisdom. If it is His will to restore communication, pray that it would be with truth, humility, and a shared desire to follow Jesus. If not, pray that He will give you grace to release this to Him and to walk forward in His love, loving others in deed and truth as He has loved you.
May you abide in His love and find your deepest security there, trusting that He who gave His Son for you will lead you in the way that is best.
Scripture helps us understand love at different levels. There is a physical level that is often more about desire and what it does for me, and it can be very self focused. There is also an emotional level, the affection we have for family and friends, which is often mutual, we love because we are loved in return. Then there is a deeper spiritual love, the love God Himself shows. That love is giving and selfless. God so loved the world that He gave His only Son. That love does not seek to get but to give, even at great cost.
The Bible says God is love and that love comes from Him. One of the ways we know His Spirit is at work in us is when that giving love begins to shape us, especially in how we love others in His family. It is not just words but deeds, not just feeling but action that seeks the good of the other. And that love is first shown to us at the cross. Not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the payment for our sins. We love because He first loved us. His love for you is not caused by your worthiness and it cannot be bought or earned. It flows freely to you to receive, and it cannot be quenched. It is that love that can heal the wounds trauma has left.
Because His love is so great, Scripture calls us to love Him above all else, with all our heart and soul and mind and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves. That means our love for Jesus must be first, even before our love for any other person, including someone we deeply care about. When He is first, our affections become ordered and we can love others in a healthier, more giving way.
In your desire to talk again and to have another chance, it is important to bring that desire under His lordship. Ask Him to search your heart. Is the longing to give and to bless this man in a way that honors God, or is it mainly to fill a loneliness or to undo regret. God wants wholeness for you more than just reunion. True reconciliation begins with being reconciled to God through Jesus, and from that place you can seek His wisdom for this relationship.
If the Lord does open a door for conversation, do so with clear boundaries and wise counsel, with honesty and kindness, and with a commitment to purity. Scripture teaches that marriage is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, and that physical intimacy belongs within that covenant. Love that honors God will respect those boundaries and will want what is holy and good for the other person, not just what feels close in the moment.
We will pray for you, that God will comfort you in the trauma you have walked through, that He will make His love at the cross more real to you each day, that He will heal your heart and give you peace whether or not this relationship is restored, and that He will guide you with wisdom. If it is His will to restore communication, pray that it would be with truth, humility, and a shared desire to follow Jesus. If not, pray that He will give you grace to release this to Him and to walk forward in His love, loving others in deed and truth as He has loved you.
May you abide in His love and find your deepest security there, trusting that He who gave His Son for you will lead you in the way that is best.
