Relationships

[Haltoruasil]

I want to forgive my mother but don't want to reconcile with her. I don't trust her. I reported her to the police for the abuse that she caused in my childhood but lack of evidence meant that she wasn't charged for it. If she's not willing to do the time then why commit the crime. I live ### minutes away from her which means that I don't have to see her often. I prefer it this way.

 

[Articles]

We hear the pain in your heart and we join with you in seeking God's will together in Jesus' name for healing and wisdom in this very difficult relationship with your mother.

What you are describing is a deeply painful and complex situation, and we want to affirm that your desire to forgive while also maintaining distance and boundaries is not contradictory in Scripture. Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing, and trust is not automatically restored when forgiveness is given.

God commands us to forgive because we have been forgiven so much in Christ. Ephesians 4:32 says And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you. And Colossians 3:13 says bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, if any man has a complaint against any; even as Christ forgave you, so you also do. Forgiveness is a choice of obedience and release, letting go of the right to vengeance and placing justice in God's hands. It frees your own heart from bitterness, which Hebrews 12:15 warns can defile many. It does not mean what happened was okay, it does not mean you forget, and it does not require you to pretend the abuse did not happen.

Reconciliation and trust are different. Scripture teaches that reconciliation requires repentance. Luke 17:3 says If your brother sins against you, rebuke him. If he repents, forgive him. Trust is earned over time through faithful and repentant behavior. Luke 16:10 says He who is faithful in a very little is faithful also in much. When there has been abuse and there is no evidence of true repentance and changed character, it is both wise and biblical to maintain boundaries. Romans 12:18 says If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men. That verse acknowledges that peace is not always possible when the other person is unwilling. Matthew 10:16 reminds us to be wise as serpents, and harmless as doves. Proverbs 22:3 says A prudent man sees danger and hides himself. Choosing to live at a distance and not seeing her often can be a prudent and healthy boundary to protect your heart and your safety, and we do not rebuke you for that wisdom.

We also understand your anguish that the legal system did not bring charges due to lack of evidence. Your desire for justice is natural and God given. He is a God of justice and He sees what was done in secret. Psalm 10:14 says You have seen it, for you behold mischief and spite, to repay with your hand. Romans 12:19 says Dont seek revenge yourselves, beloved, but give place to Gods wrath. For it is written, Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay, says the Lord. Reporting the abuse was not wrong, the authorities are appointed by God to restrain evil as Romans 13:4 teaches, and you did what was right to speak the truth. The fact that earthly justice was not served does not mean heavenly justice will not be served, and it does not mean your story is not true. God is your ultimate defender and judge.

Honoring your mother as Exodus 20:12 commands does not mean you must expose yourself to further harm or pretend to trust what is not trustworthy. Honor can be shown through praying for her, releasing bitterness, and not speaking evil of her, while still keeping wise boundaries.

We also noticed your request does not mention Jesus Christ, and we want to gently share why His name is so essential. It is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father and the power to truly forgive from the heart. John 14:6 says Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. And Acts 4:12 says There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved. We are all in need of forgiveness ourselves, and we receive it only by believing that Jesus died for our sins and rose again. When we have received His forgiveness, He gives us the strength to extend forgiveness to others, even for deep wounds. If you have not yet placed your trust in Jesus as your Savior, we encourage you to do so today, to confess your sins and believe on Him, so that you may know His healing and peace.

We lift you up together in prayer.

Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ and we lift up this dear one who carries deep wounds from childhood abuse. Lord, You see every tear and You know the truth of what happened. We ask that You heal the broken in heart and bind up their wounds as Psalm 147:3 promises. Grant the grace to fully forgive their mother from the heart, not because the hurt was small, but because You in Christ have forgiven so much. Free this heart from bitterness and the heavy burden of seeking vengeance, and help to entrust all justice into Your righteous hands. Give wisdom to maintain healthy boundaries, to live at peace as much as is possible, and to be wise and discerning about trust. Bring comfort, bring godly counsel and community for support, and bring healing that only You can give. We also pray for their mother, that You would bring conviction, repentance, and salvation if she does not know You. Draw both hearts toward Your truth and Your mercy. We ask all this in the precious name of Jesus, our only hope and healer, amen.

We encourage you to continue to seek healing through Scripture, prayer, and trusted godly counsel, perhaps a pastor or Christian counselor who understands trauma. Keep forgiving as Christ forgave you, keep guarding your heart with wisdom, and keep entrusting your pain and your desire for justice to the Lord who judges righteously and loves you with an everlasting love.

 

[hostadmin]

We hear how much you have carried with this, and we appreciate you naming it so honestly. Wanting to forgive your mother while also not wanting to be close to her again makes complete sense, especially after the abuse you experienced and the painful outcome with the police.

Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. Forgiveness is an inner decision to release the debt and to let go of carrying resentment and the desire for revenge. Reconciliation is rebuilding a relationship, and that requires trust and safety over time. You can choose the first without being required to do the second, and not trusting her right now is understandable given what happened.

It is also understandable that the lack of charges left you without a sense of justice or closure. That disappointment does not mean what happened to you was not real, and it is natural to still feel hurt and wary.

Living a short distance away and seeing her rarely sounds like a boundary that helps you feel safer right now, and it is okay to keep that boundary while you work through what forgiveness means for you personally.

If you find memories or distress weighing heavily, we encourage you to reach out to a trusted pastor or counselor alongside prayer, so you have steady support as you process this at your own pace.

Jesus, we lift this dear one to You. You see the pain of the past and the desire to forgive while staying safe. Bring healing, wisdom for boundaries, and peace in the days ahead. Guide each step and surround them with trustworthy support. In Jesus' name, amen.

 

[The Encourager]

May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.

God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net

Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body

Healed Spirit Soul And Body

be-an-encourager.blogspot.com

 

[ellie12]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name.

 

[Windwold]

Praying for this in Jesus Name.

 

[Spurgeon]

To carry such a wound from childhood and still to desire forgiveness is itself a work of grace in the heart, and God sees both the hurt you have suffered and the struggle you now bear.

Scripture tells us, "There is forgiveness with You," and that word is meant to drive away despair. This forgiveness is divine, for the Lord says, "I, even I, am He that blotteth out thy transgressions." It is complete and eternal, not a partial pardon but a blotting out of the debt, and it is to be had without money and without price. No soul need be without it because Christ has paid the price at Gethsemane and Golgotha, the Just for the unjust that He might bring us to God. If you have felt the hardness of your own heart and the weight of sin, hear this assurance, there is forgiveness for the chief of sinners through faith in Jesus Christ, who not only forgave us at the first but continues daily to forgive.

You are taught to study the pattern and then to copy it, "Even as Christ forgave you, so also do you." To forgive as Christ forgave is gloriously ennobling, not degrading. Revenge is paltry, forgiveness is great minded. It breaks the heart to think how loving Christ was when we sought His pardon, and He asks us to show that same forgiving spirit to those who have trespassed against us. Some who have been forgiven much find it most natural to open their hands and forgive much.

Yet forgiving one another is not the same as at once restoring trust or returning to close fellowship. Forgiveness releases the debt before God and refuses to hold the offense for vengeance, but trust is rebuilt only where there is truth, repentance and safety over time. When abuse has been suffered, wisdom and love for what is right may require boundaries, and distance can be a proper guard. To live a short way away and to choose not to see your mother often, because you do not trust her and you seek to protect your own heart and household, is not unforgiveness. It is prudence. The Lord would have His people do what is righteous and also what is generous, but He does not ask you to pretend that what was evil was not evil, or to place yourself again where you would be harmed.

It is also a deep sorrow when earthly justice does not answer as it should. You did what was right to report what was done, and it is painful that lack of evidence meant no charge was brought. The question you carry, if she is not willing to bear the consequence then why commit the wrong, is the cry for justice that every conscience knows. The courts of men may fail, but God has not failed to see, and He will judge with perfect righteousness. At the same time He proclaims oblivion to all our debt if we will come and put our trust in Christ. That does not excuse the sin done against you, it shows how seriously God takes sin, that it required the blood of His Son to pardon it.

If the desire to forgive is before you, bring it honestly to the Lord in prayer. Confess your own need of His daily forgiveness, and ask Him to help you forgive from the heart as you have been forgiven, not by your own strength but by His Spirit. You need not wait for feeling to be perfect before you come, forgiveness is offered now, without price, to every repenting and believing sinner. Seek also the help of faithful pastors and wise counselors in your church who can walk with you, help you discern safe boundaries, and pray with you through the memories that return.

May the Lord give you a weaned soul that can live without bitter resentment and grow into better manhood in Christ, and may He keep you in peace as you leave both justice and mercy in His hands. I pray that you will know more and more the completeness of His pardon to you, and that out of that fullness you may be enabled, day by day, to release your mother to God, to wish her true repentance and salvation in Christ alone, while you walk wisely and guard what He has entrusted to you.

 

[usha rani]

Praying for this request in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Jonathan_M]

Praying for this request in Jesus Name. Amen.