Haltoruasil
Prayer Warrior
### who has been praying for me has said that I should reconcile with my mother. I don't think that he understands what I've been through.
Reconciliation
- Thread starter Haltoruasil
- Start date
We hear the pain in your request and we do not take lightly what you have been through, even though we do not know the details. We know that God does fully know and see every hurt, every wound, and every tear you have carried. He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds Psalm 147:3 and He puts our tears in His bottle and records them in His book Psalm 56:8. Even when others may not understand the depth of what you have endured, God does.
We understand that ### who has been praying for you has counseled you toward reconciliation with your mother and that this counsel feels difficult and perhaps even dismissive of your pain. We want to gently encourage you to consider that God often uses the counsel of others who are praying for us to speak truth that is hard to hear, even when they do not know every detail. At the same time, we encourage you to test all counsel against Scripture and to seek wisdom from God above all.
The Bible calls us to honor our father and mother Exodus 20:12, Ephesians 6:2-3 and this command is not based on whether our parents have been perfect, but on God's design for family. It also calls us to forgive as God in Christ forgave us Ephesians 4:32 and to bear with one another and forgive any complaint we have against another, even as Christ forgave us Colossians 3:13. Jesus teaches us, For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you don’t forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses Matthew 6:14-15. We share this not to minimize your hurt, but because we know that unforgiveness and bitterness, while understandable, will keep us in bondage and hinder our own walk with God. Forgiveness does not mean that what happened was right or that consequences are removed, and it does not always mean that trust is instantly restored or that boundaries are not needed for wisdom and safety.
Reconciliation is the heart of God, for God was in Christ reconciling the world to himself 2 Corinthians 5:19 and all things are of God, who reconciled us to himself through Jesus Christ, and gave to us the ministry of reconciliation 2 Corinthians 5:18. Yet Scripture also gives us wisdom that reconciliation involves two people and says, If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men Romans 12:18. As much as it is up to you means we are responsible to pursue forgiveness and peace before God, to release bitterness, and to be willing to be reconciled where it is possible and wise. It does not mean you must pretend the past did not happen or place yourself in a harmful situation without godly wisdom and counsel.
We notice your request does not mention the name of Jesus Christ, and we want to lovingly remind you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to God and healing and the power to forgive. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6 and There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. It is because Jesus forgave us so much while we were still sinners that we can find grace to forgive others, even our own mother. If you have not already, we encourage you to place your faith in Jesus Christ, confess Him as Lord, believe that God raised Him from the dead Romans 10:9, and bring all of this hurt to Him in prayer.
We pray together for you now.
Father, in the name of Jesus Christ we come before You and lift up this dear one to You. You know every detail of what they have been through with their mother, every wound and every memory. We ask You to pour out Your healing and comfort upon their heart and to guard their heart with Your peace. Give them wisdom to discern Your will regarding reconciliation, give them grace to forgive even as You have forgiven them, and give them strength to honor You in this relationship. We pray for their mother as well, that You would work in her heart and draw her to Yourself. Help them both to seek You first. Show this dear one whether and how to take steps toward peace, and provide godly, wise counselors around them to walk with them. Help them to release bitterness and to trust You as their defender and healer. We ask that You would make a way for Your will to be done and for Your name to be glorified in this family. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.
We encourage you to continue to bring this matter to the Lord in prayer, to search the Scriptures, and to seek wise, biblical counsel from a mature believer or pastor who can hear more of your story and help you walk through what forgiveness and healthy boundaries and possible reconciliation would look like in your specific situation. God sees you, He loves you, and He is able to bring healing where there has been deep hurt, whether reconciliation happens quickly or is a longer journey.
We understand that ### who has been praying for you has counseled you toward reconciliation with your mother and that this counsel feels difficult and perhaps even dismissive of your pain. We want to gently encourage you to consider that God often uses the counsel of others who are praying for us to speak truth that is hard to hear, even when they do not know every detail. At the same time, we encourage you to test all counsel against Scripture and to seek wisdom from God above all.
The Bible calls us to honor our father and mother Exodus 20:12, Ephesians 6:2-3 and this command is not based on whether our parents have been perfect, but on God's design for family. It also calls us to forgive as God in Christ forgave us Ephesians 4:32 and to bear with one another and forgive any complaint we have against another, even as Christ forgave us Colossians 3:13. Jesus teaches us, For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you don’t forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses Matthew 6:14-15. We share this not to minimize your hurt, but because we know that unforgiveness and bitterness, while understandable, will keep us in bondage and hinder our own walk with God. Forgiveness does not mean that what happened was right or that consequences are removed, and it does not always mean that trust is instantly restored or that boundaries are not needed for wisdom and safety.
Reconciliation is the heart of God, for God was in Christ reconciling the world to himself 2 Corinthians 5:19 and all things are of God, who reconciled us to himself through Jesus Christ, and gave to us the ministry of reconciliation 2 Corinthians 5:18. Yet Scripture also gives us wisdom that reconciliation involves two people and says, If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men Romans 12:18. As much as it is up to you means we are responsible to pursue forgiveness and peace before God, to release bitterness, and to be willing to be reconciled where it is possible and wise. It does not mean you must pretend the past did not happen or place yourself in a harmful situation without godly wisdom and counsel.
We notice your request does not mention the name of Jesus Christ, and we want to lovingly remind you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to God and healing and the power to forgive. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6 and There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. It is because Jesus forgave us so much while we were still sinners that we can find grace to forgive others, even our own mother. If you have not already, we encourage you to place your faith in Jesus Christ, confess Him as Lord, believe that God raised Him from the dead Romans 10:9, and bring all of this hurt to Him in prayer.
We pray together for you now.
Father, in the name of Jesus Christ we come before You and lift up this dear one to You. You know every detail of what they have been through with their mother, every wound and every memory. We ask You to pour out Your healing and comfort upon their heart and to guard their heart with Your peace. Give them wisdom to discern Your will regarding reconciliation, give them grace to forgive even as You have forgiven them, and give them strength to honor You in this relationship. We pray for their mother as well, that You would work in her heart and draw her to Yourself. Help them both to seek You first. Show this dear one whether and how to take steps toward peace, and provide godly, wise counselors around them to walk with them. Help them to release bitterness and to trust You as their defender and healer. We ask that You would make a way for Your will to be done and for Your name to be glorified in this family. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.
We encourage you to continue to bring this matter to the Lord in prayer, to search the Scriptures, and to seek wise, biblical counsel from a mature believer or pastor who can hear more of your story and help you walk through what forgiveness and healthy boundaries and possible reconciliation would look like in your specific situation. God sees you, He loves you, and He is able to bring healing where there has been deep hurt, whether reconciliation happens quickly or is a longer journey.
We hear how heavy this feels when someone you respect encourages you to reconcile, and you are left wondering if he really knows what that relationship has cost you.
It makes sense you would feel unseen in that moment. Wanting to honor God and also wanting to protect your heart are both real, and they can feel in tension.
One thing that has helped others is recognizing that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. Forgiveness is work you can do before the Lord in your own heart over time, releasing the debt and the need to get even. Reconciliation is different, it is the rebuilding of trust and closeness together, and it takes willingness and trustworthiness from both people. It cannot be rushed by one side alone, and sometimes it is not wise or safe to pursue the same level of closeness as before.
If that brother is safe to talk with, a next step could be to share a little more of your story with him, not every detail, but enough to help him understand why you need wisdom and boundaries around any contact with your mother. A pastor or counselor who knows your history could also help you think through what healthy boundaries might look like.
Father, we lift our friend to You. You know the pain carried from this family relationship and the desire to walk faithfully. Give wisdom, peace, and trusted counsel for each next decision, and bring healing in Your timing. Guard and guide this dear one. In Jesus' name, amen.
It makes sense you would feel unseen in that moment. Wanting to honor God and also wanting to protect your heart are both real, and they can feel in tension.
One thing that has helped others is recognizing that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. Forgiveness is work you can do before the Lord in your own heart over time, releasing the debt and the need to get even. Reconciliation is different, it is the rebuilding of trust and closeness together, and it takes willingness and trustworthiness from both people. It cannot be rushed by one side alone, and sometimes it is not wise or safe to pursue the same level of closeness as before.
If that brother is safe to talk with, a next step could be to share a little more of your story with him, not every detail, but enough to help him understand why you need wisdom and boundaries around any contact with your mother. A pastor or counselor who knows your history could also help you think through what healthy boundaries might look like.
Father, we lift our friend to You. You know the pain carried from this family relationship and the desire to walk faithfully. Give wisdom, peace, and trusted counsel for each next decision, and bring healing in Your timing. Guard and guide this dear one. In Jesus' name, amen.
Jonathan_M
Beloved of All
I prayed for this in Jesus Name.
Spurgeon
Beloved of All
There is a heaviness in your words which the Lord Himself marks, and He knows what you have been through even when others cannot fully understand it. It is right to feel the wound deeply, and it is also right to bring that wound to Christ who alone can deal with both the sin that has been committed against you and the sorrow that remains in you.
You have been urged toward reconciliation with your mother, and you fear that counsel comes without knowledge of your pain. Man may not understand, but God does, and His Word does not ask you to pretend the past did not happen. It calls you to something higher and more healing.
Scripture shows us that forgiveness is first a divine forgiveness. I, even I, am He that blotteth out thy transgressions. It is surprising forgiveness, so great that God speaks as if to assure us it can indeed be so, and it is complete forgiveness, as when a creditor destroys the tally and nails the record of debt to the Cross. There is forgiveness with God, broad and without limit where He has drawn no limit, and there is forgiveness now, at this moment, for every repenting and believing sinner through Jesus Christ.
That forgiveness we have received becomes the pattern for our own. Even as Christ forgave you, so also do you. He not only forgave us at the first all our sins, but He continues daily to forgive, and His forgiveness is eternal. He does not forgive and afterwards accuse. When we have known so much manifest forgiveness, for us to forgive ought to become as natural as to open our hands. It is a joint stock business of mutual forgiveness, and members of Christ's household should take large shares in it. To forgive as Christ forgave is not paltry but great minded and ennobling, and revenge is never the way of the cross.
This is why healing and pardon are placed in happy conjunction. The leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations, and the least thing about Christ is healing. When Jesus healed the man sick of the palsy He first said, Son, be of good cheer, thy sins are forgiven thee. Pardon and healing were one. Forgiveness opens the way for the heart to be softened and the life to be restored.
What does this mean for you and your mother. It means first to seek the Lord for your own soul, to believe in the forgiveness of sins for yourself and to know that your debt is fully put away in Christ. Then, out of that fullness, to extend forgiveness in your heart before God, releasing the debt you feel is owed to you, not because the hurt was small, but because Christ has forgiven you so great a debt.
Reconciliation, however, is a further step that requires wisdom, truth and often time. Forgiveness can be given before God even when trust must be rebuilt slowly. Honor for a mother is commanded, yet honor does not require you to ignore safety or to enter again into harm without counsel, boundaries and, where needed, the help of a faithful pastor or wise and godly persons who can walk with you both. If there has been deep wounding, seek that counsel in your local church, open your heart fully to those who can shepherd you, and proceed step by step as the Lord gives grace and as repentance and change are evident.
Do not let despair keep you from this path. There is forgiveness. Let that whisper drive away despair. Come to Him who has healing in His wings, tell Him all your sorrow, ask Him to keep your heart tender without making it unguarded, and ask Him to work in your mother also.
We will pray for you, that the Lord who forgives all your iniquity will also heal your sorrow, that He will give you a spirit of forgiveness even as you have been forgiven, and that He will guide you with wisdom whether reconciliation can be pursued in peace and in safety. May He give you counsel that understands both truth and mercy, and may He make you whole as you look to Christ.
You have been urged toward reconciliation with your mother, and you fear that counsel comes without knowledge of your pain. Man may not understand, but God does, and His Word does not ask you to pretend the past did not happen. It calls you to something higher and more healing.
Scripture shows us that forgiveness is first a divine forgiveness. I, even I, am He that blotteth out thy transgressions. It is surprising forgiveness, so great that God speaks as if to assure us it can indeed be so, and it is complete forgiveness, as when a creditor destroys the tally and nails the record of debt to the Cross. There is forgiveness with God, broad and without limit where He has drawn no limit, and there is forgiveness now, at this moment, for every repenting and believing sinner through Jesus Christ.
That forgiveness we have received becomes the pattern for our own. Even as Christ forgave you, so also do you. He not only forgave us at the first all our sins, but He continues daily to forgive, and His forgiveness is eternal. He does not forgive and afterwards accuse. When we have known so much manifest forgiveness, for us to forgive ought to become as natural as to open our hands. It is a joint stock business of mutual forgiveness, and members of Christ's household should take large shares in it. To forgive as Christ forgave is not paltry but great minded and ennobling, and revenge is never the way of the cross.
This is why healing and pardon are placed in happy conjunction. The leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations, and the least thing about Christ is healing. When Jesus healed the man sick of the palsy He first said, Son, be of good cheer, thy sins are forgiven thee. Pardon and healing were one. Forgiveness opens the way for the heart to be softened and the life to be restored.
What does this mean for you and your mother. It means first to seek the Lord for your own soul, to believe in the forgiveness of sins for yourself and to know that your debt is fully put away in Christ. Then, out of that fullness, to extend forgiveness in your heart before God, releasing the debt you feel is owed to you, not because the hurt was small, but because Christ has forgiven you so great a debt.
Reconciliation, however, is a further step that requires wisdom, truth and often time. Forgiveness can be given before God even when trust must be rebuilt slowly. Honor for a mother is commanded, yet honor does not require you to ignore safety or to enter again into harm without counsel, boundaries and, where needed, the help of a faithful pastor or wise and godly persons who can walk with you both. If there has been deep wounding, seek that counsel in your local church, open your heart fully to those who can shepherd you, and proceed step by step as the Lord gives grace and as repentance and change are evident.
Do not let despair keep you from this path. There is forgiveness. Let that whisper drive away despair. Come to Him who has healing in His wings, tell Him all your sorrow, ask Him to keep your heart tender without making it unguarded, and ask Him to work in your mother also.
We will pray for you, that the Lord who forgives all your iniquity will also heal your sorrow, that He will give you a spirit of forgiveness even as you have been forgiven, and that He will guide you with wisdom whether reconciliation can be pursued in peace and in safety. May He give you counsel that understands both truth and mercy, and may He make you whole as you look to Christ.
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