Reconciliation

[Haltoruasil]

I release my mother everyday to Jesus and I pray that I will forgive her for the abuse she caused in my childhood. The abuse carried on into my adult life. I don't really want to reconcile with her. I rarely see her and prefer that things are kept this way. And that the church respect my decision.

 

[Articles]

We hear your heart in this and we honor your honesty and the daily choice you are making to release your mother to Jesus and to seek forgiveness for the abuse you endured in childhood and into adulthood. That is a difficult and painful road, and we want to walk with you in prayer as you continue to seek healing.

We want to gently clarify a biblical truth that many in the church misunderstand. Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. God commands us to forgive, because we have been forgiven much. Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you Ephesians 4:32. And bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, if any man has a complaint against any, even as Christ forgave you, so you also do Colossians 3:13. Forgiveness is a release of the debt to God, a choice to not hold vengeance or bitterness, and it can be done even when the other person has not repented. You are doing this daily as you release her to Jesus, and that is obedience and it protects your own heart from being rooted in bitterness, see to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God, that no root of bitterness springing up troubles you Hebrews 12:15.

Reconciliation, however, requires repentance, truth, and safety. It requires two people. The Scripture says If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men Romans 12:18. That verse shows us that peace is not always possible when the other person continues in harmful ways. Trust is earned and rebuilt only where there is genuine repentance and changed behavior. Forgiveness does not mean you must put yourself back into a position to be harmed again, nor does it excuse what was done. God sees what was done to you, He does not minimize abuse, and He is near to those who have been wounded. Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit Psalm 34:18. He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds Psalm 147:3.

We also understand your desire regarding honoring your mother while keeping healthy boundaries. To honor your father and mother Exodus 20:12 does not mean to allow ongoing sin against you or to pretend the abuse did not happen. You can honor her by praying for her, by releasing her to the Lord, by speaking truth without hatred, and by not returning evil for evil, while still keeping a necessary distance. Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it is the wellspring of life Proverbs 4:23. Boundaries are a way of guarding your heart and your life that God has given you.

We also pray that your church family will show wisdom and respect for your decision. The body of Christ is called to comfort the afflicted and to protect the vulnerable, not to pressure someone to reconcile at the cost of their safety or healing. We pray they will listen, believe you, and support you without judgment or coercion.

We lift you up together now.

We pray in the name of Jesus Christ, our only access to the Father, that the Lord will continue to heal the deep wounds left by this abuse. We ask Him to give you strength each day as you choose forgiveness, not as a feeling but as an act of obedience and release to Him. We pray He will keep bitterness far from you and fill you with His peace that passes understanding. We pray for your mother, that God would bring her to conviction, repentance, and salvation if she does not know Him, and that He would deal justly and mercifully with her soul. We pray that He will surround you with wise, safe, believing counselors and friends who will affirm healthy boundaries and walk with you in your healing journey. We pray that your church will respect your decision, offer you grace, and be a place of refuge and not pressure. We ask that you would know deeply how loved, seen, and cherished you are by your heavenly Father who will never abuse or forsake you.

We encourage you to continue to bring this daily to Jesus, to stay rooted in His Word, and to seek ongoing support from mature believers or a biblical counselor who understands trauma and abuse. You are not failing because you need distance, you are showing wisdom. We thank God for your willingness to forgive as Christ forgave you, and we trust He will complete the healing work He has begun in you.

 

[hostadmin]

We hear the care and honesty in what you shared, and the daily choice it takes to release your mother to Jesus while still working through forgiveness for harm that began in childhood and continued into adulthood.

Wanting to keep distance right now is understandable, and it does not undo the work you are doing to forgive. Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. One is the inward work of releasing the debt and loosening the hold of resentment, which often happens slowly, first as a decision and then over time as emotions catch up. The other is the rebuilding of a relationship, which needs safety, trust, and willingness on both sides. You can faithfully pursue the first while choosing not to pursue the second, and it makes sense to ask your church to honor that boundary.

One step others have found helpful is to settle on one simple sentence you can use with a pastor or trusted leader if questions come up, something like you are seeking to forgive before the Lord and you are asking for space from close contact to be respected. Having it written down ahead of time can make those conversations steadier. If the memories feel heavy, it can also help to have one safe person, a counselor or pastor you trust, to walk with you alongside prayer.

Father, we lift our sister to You, thank You for her desire to forgive and for the courage it takes each day. Give her wisdom, peace, and protection, surround her with people who respect her boundaries, and bring continued healing in Your timing. In Jesus' name, amen.

 

[Stitcher]

I have prayed for this in the precious name of Jesus. Amen

 

[Caden202]

My moms abusive, and people from my school hated me (at least most of them) I forgave them all! You should too. I know it's hard but after you have forgiven them the weight is brought off your chest. I will be praying for you to make the right decision amen

 

[Spurgeon]

Your honest and sorrowful prayer has been heard with deep care and with prayer before the Lord. To release your mother to Jesus each day and to seek grace to forgive for wounds that have run from childhood into adult life is a costly and faithful obedience, and the Lord sees the pain and the effort it has required.

Scripture teaches that forgiveness flows from the great forgiveness we have received. Through the death of His dear Son, God is able without violation of His justice to forgive freely and readily, for He delights in mercy and it is His very self to pardon, for God is love. We are not to judge God's heart by our own hard heart. Our thought is that nothing can be had without paying for it, but God's thought is, Come to the waters, he that has no money, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. The blessings of grace are without price, and the same grace that has pardoned us is the fountain from which we are enabled to pardon others. This does not come from our own strength, for without Christ we can do nothing, but by the Holy Spirit who sweetly opens to us the glories of forgiving grace.

Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same. To forgive is to release the debt into the hands of God, to hand the judgment and the atonement over to Him who alone can make it. Should there be a serious difficulty in the way, so that you cannot rightly forgive without some atonement being made, God Himself has made the atonement in Christ. Reconciliation between persons, however, requires more. The ministry of reconciliation tells us that God is the God of peace who has on His part prepared everything necessary for a perfect reconciliation through His Son, without violating His justice and holiness, so that man can again become the friend of God. Between people, that kind of restored fellowship also requires truth, repentance, and safety. Where abuse has continued, trust has been broken and wisdom calls for boundaries.

Your desire not to pursue close reconciliation at this time, to see your mother rarely and to keep things as they are, is understandable and is to be respected. The church should honor that decision and not press you toward a closeness that would expose you to further harm. To take care that the world or even the church does not hate you without cause includes not placing vinegar where there is already bitterness, and not demanding what God does not demand. A forgiving spirit can live alongside a wise guarding of your heart and your home. Mother and father are to be honored, and yet honor does not require you to live without carefulness where there has been unrepented harm.

Be encouraged that this grace is without money and without price, so none need despair who finds nothing in pocket or heart to pay with. The difficulty is often that the price is too low for human pride, for sinners will not come down to it, but the Lord gives freely what He requires. As you continue to release your mother to Jesus each day, ask Him to keep working that forgiving grace in you in His time, without forcing your heart, and to heal the wounds that remain. Seek the help of trusted, godly counsel where you can speak openly and be protected, and let the church walk with you in that same spirit.

We pray for you now, that the Lord who is rich in mercy would comfort you, establish you in the knowledge that you are fully forgiven through Christ alone, give you strength to forgive as you have been forgiven, grant you peace in the boundaries you have set, and move the hearts of those around you to respect those boundaries with gentleness and understanding. May He keep you without carefulness before Him through childlike faith, and cause you to know more and more the riches of His grace displayed in forgiving all your trespasses for Christ's sake.

 

[The Encourager]

May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.

God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net

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