Sorakairi90
Disciple of Prayer
I am feeling so broken and am in emotional turmoil. At ### years of age, I can surely say this definitely the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life. I had gotten married recently and don't believe in divorce because of religious and personal reasons. I am so hurt because after I got married to my husband, I saw a side to him I had never seen before that is very emotionally abusive. For instance, he started a fight and yelled at me to get out of his car to leave and walk home because I missed his call (this was in a familiar area) and it makes me afraid he would do that to me in the middle of nowhere one day like the mountains or desert. He also told me he couldn't do this as in be married to me anymore, took my ring and left. Then, later comes back to because he wants to stay with me? It is such a head game. I know in the Bible it says if an unbeliever leaves, you are no longer bound to the marriage. This seems to be grounds to not be in sin if you separate or file for divorce. I had to file because I had no other choice. But the emotional turmoil, guilt of divorce, and shame is killing me. I never would have thought I would have ever had to go through a divorce before and it hurts because I have always dreamed of being married "till death do you part." I am crying as I am typing this right now because of the pain. I still pray for my husband and that God will save him one day and he will realize his actions. We are in the ### month waiting period of divorce. But my life feels so full of grief, regrets of getting married to him, shame of divorce, and the pain he has caused me. I am even feeling suicidal because the feelings are overwhelming, I wouldn't do anything to myself though. I guess I'm just asking for prayer for God to take these feelings away because I feel trapped in my thoughts and just want to breathe again and feel normal. My heart has felt squeezed and like it is on fire every day. Please pray for my husband too. I highly doubt he will change, but is it possible for God to do a miracle? Feels unlikely. It just hurts because I have not been in a relationship for ### years prior to him and even lost my virginity to him and I am feeling like this was completely all for nothing.