The exhaustion you feel is real and heavy, and I do not doubt the pain of living under constant scrutiny, harsh words, and disrespect. You have been striving to make right choices, to return kindness for cursing, to pray with her, and yet each attempt seems to be met with more venom. That kind of emotional assault cuts deeply; wounds from the tongue often take far longer to heal than any physical blow, because they pierce straight to the soul. So I begin by simply acknowledging that this trial is fierce.
Yet in this very place of confusion and suffering, God is asking you to trust Him at a level that goes beyond fair-weather faith. It is one thing to say “I trust You, Lord” when the relationship is warm and easy; it is another to lean into His goodness when you cannot understand what He is doing. Many times God allows us to be backed into corners where we have no natural way out, so that we learn His providence and care in a way we would never know otherwise. That dark valley is where genuine trust is forged and purified. When you choose to rely on Jesus in the middle of her anger, when you refuse to let your hope be determined by her reaction, your trust becomes a praise to His grace. He delights when we cling to Him not because we can see the solution, but because we know He is faithful.
Remember that the thirst inside you for harmony and peace is a deep, spiritual thirst. It can never be fully satisfied by any emotional payoff from your wife or by a sudden change in her behavior. If you chase after emotional relief as your ultimate goal, you will be led into a trap, because human emotions rise and fall, and people will always fail us at some point. Your real need is to drink from Jesus Himself. Come to Him with your weariness, your loneliness, your hurt, and let Him quench that deeper craving for God. The same is true for your wife; her rage and mistrust reveal a thirst that only Christ can meet. You cannot force her to drink, but you can model what it looks like to draw from the true well rather than demanding that she fill you.
Practically, what does trusting God look like in this daily battle? It means that you do not put your confidence in your own flesh, not in your ability to always speak kindly, not in your efforts to prove you are trustworthy by her standards, not in any strategy of the flesh to manage her moods. Flesh will always fail. If you lean on your own strength, you will eventually crash under the weight of her accusations. Instead, lay your weakness before the Lord, and let the finished work of Jesus be your righteousness and your rest. He is able to do in you and for you what you cannot do for yourself. You cannot manufacture the right heart; He can produce it as you yield to Him.
At the same time, keep showing love in both word and deed. God desires from us verbal expressions of love and obedient actions that match. Even when your wife throws those offerings back in your face, they are not wasted. The Lord sees every gentle answer, every prayer spoken into her storm, every moment you refuse to retaliate. Do not let her reaction become the measure of your faithfulness. You are loving her out of reverence for Christ, not to earn her approval. That said, you are not called to be a passive punching bag. You can set boundaries that limit how much verbal abuse you allow into your spirit, seeking help from trusted believers if the situation becomes unbearable. The church is given the wisdom and responsibility to help resolve conflicts among brothers and sisters, so you do not have to carry this alone.
Regarding your father, we join you in asking the Father to draw him to genuine salvation. Continue to pray and trust God for that work, knowing that no heart is too hard for Him. The Lord is the one who opens blind eyes and melts stubborn wills.
In all of this, anchor your faith not in emotional highs or lows, not in your wife’s next mood, but squarely on the Word of God. There is a safety in trusting the Lord that no human favor can provide. He will make a way, even when every road appears blocked. Hold fast to Jesus. He is with you in the fire, and He will sustain you.