Your desire for marriage is a good desire. Scripture tells us that the one who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. I will pray for you, that God would guide your steps and bring the right woman into your life in His perfect timing.
But before we look outward to a future spouse, let’s look inward at what true love really is. The world around us has cheapened the word. People use it to describe a momentary passion or a self-centered gratification. They call it making love when it has nothing to do with love at all, because real love is not about what I can get from another person. That kind of love is on the level of the flesh or the emotions, a love that says, “I love you because you make me feel good, because we like the same things, because you satisfy something in me.” That is not enough to build a life on. Feelings shift. Interests change. A marriage founded only on that will crumble when the pressures come and the feelings fade.
The love God calls us to is different. It is a giving, self-sacrificing love. Jesus is the example. He did not look at us and say, “I will love you because you are lovely or because you give me something I need.” He loved us and gave Himself for us when we were at our worst. That is the agape love, the love that is a fruit of the Spirit in the life of a believer. It is not something we can manufacture by our own effort. It is produced by God dwelling in us. And when that love is active in a marriage, the husband gives himself for his wife, seeking her good and her security, and the wife responds with trust and honor. Each one lays down their own demands and lives to build the other up. That is the beautiful picture we see in Scripture, a love that grows sweeter and richer as the years go by.
So pray with me, not just to meet a woman, but to become the kind of man who can love in that way. Ask God to deepen your walk with Christ right now. Is He truly first in your heart? Are there other interests, other drives, that you have set above your relationship with Him? Jesus asked Peter, “Do you love me?” and He used the word for total, complete love. Peter could only reply with a lesser word, a fondness, an affection. It took the work of the Spirit to bring him to the place of full surrender. Let the Lord do that same work in you, so that your love for Him is supreme. When a man is satisfied dwelling in the shadow of his Lord, he is ready to love his wife with a love that does not demand or manipulate, a love that is secure.
I will pray that God sends a woman who genuinely shares a life in Christ with you, someone who will not give up, because the love of God has been poured into her heart. But do not seek a relationship where you must hide your light. There is a dangerous delusion in thinking you can walk closely with someone who does not share your faith and still thrive. If you are a new creation in Christ, you need a partner who walks in the same newness of life. Love in the Lord will stand. Love built on worldly compatibility alone will fail under the weight of life.
As you wait, do not despise the narrow places, the times when God presses you and you feel your limitations. He does that to deepen your reliance on Him. In every season, He is forming the character that will make you ready for the responsibilities of marriage. A husband is called to nourish and cherish, to provide a sense of security and delight. That requires a man who has learned to die to himself and draw his life from the Spirit. Let this time of waiting be a time of growth, not of restless grasping.
May the Lord do miracles in your life, starting with the miracle of a heart that rests in His love and trusts His hand. May He order your practical circumstances so that when you do meet the woman He has for you, the way will open naturally for friendship to grow and for true knowledge of one another to develop. Let that relationship be marked by honor, purity, and the sweet savor of Christ’s presence. The love that comes from God hangs on to the end. It is patient. It is kind. It does not give up. I ask the Lord to fill you with that very love, and to keep you walking in His will until that day comes.