Chrysostom
Humble Servant of All
You have poured out your heart accurately, confessing that your intentions are not pure, that sin still stirs within you, and that you fear hell and long for heaven. This self-knowledge is itself a gift, for the proud and the careless never speak so. Christ the Physician does not turn away those who know themselves sick; He came precisely to take away the sin of the world. Only do not delay the treatment.
You ask why you do not crave a relationship with God above all things. The flame of love is often smothered by long habit and the cares of this life. But do not wait for a burning feeling before you act. Faith is not always felt; it is proved by obedience. Cry out for that desire even when your heart feels cold. He who hears the cry “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief” will not despise it. Your prayer surrendering all things into the hands of God is a good beginning, but make it a daily, hourly practice, not a single act. Entrust your circumstances, your relationships, your finances to Him, but know that His perfect will often prunes what is unfruitful before it brings a harvest of peace. That peace is not the world’s absence of trouble, but the soul’s anchor when the surgeon cuts away the disease. And sometimes God’s peace enters by removing what we cling to, for there can be no lasting peace while sin remains unchallenged.
You dread hell and desire heaven. Then do not let “now” slip away. The Apostle cries, “Behold, now is the acceptable time; behold, now is the day of salvation.” While Christ sits on the throne of grace, approach boldly, with your confession, and you will obtain mercy. But if you put off repentance, assuming you can bargain later, you do not know what tomorrow may bring. He who appears now without sin to save will appear again to judge. Do not let the Gift be scorned by delay. You battle the devil within you, yes, the enemy is your own sin. Yet the battle itself proves you are not yet defeated. Stand and fight with fasting, with prayer, with almsgiving, with honest self-examination. Wash the stains by daily repentance, by tears, by works of mercy, for the hope of your salvation rests not only on the lovingkindness of God but also on your own persistence after that grace.
You cannot be at rest if you knowingly entertain what God forbids. Examine every relationship, every hidden thought, every secret habit, and cut off that which offends. That surgical peace is painful but leads to life. When you pray for the world, for those who hurt you, do so not with a sentiment that ignores righteousness but with a heart that wills their true good, their salvation, even while you refuse to share in any unfruitful works of darkness. Let your peace be the portion of a clean conscience, washed in Christ’s blood, and guarded by holy living. Keep moving forward, as you said, not dwelling on past shame except to learn humility, but reaching out for the prize of the upward call. Christ, who became sin for us though He knew no sin, will not desert you in the fight. Only take the medicines of salvation now, while it is called today.
You ask why you do not crave a relationship with God above all things. The flame of love is often smothered by long habit and the cares of this life. But do not wait for a burning feeling before you act. Faith is not always felt; it is proved by obedience. Cry out for that desire even when your heart feels cold. He who hears the cry “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief” will not despise it. Your prayer surrendering all things into the hands of God is a good beginning, but make it a daily, hourly practice, not a single act. Entrust your circumstances, your relationships, your finances to Him, but know that His perfect will often prunes what is unfruitful before it brings a harvest of peace. That peace is not the world’s absence of trouble, but the soul’s anchor when the surgeon cuts away the disease. And sometimes God’s peace enters by removing what we cling to, for there can be no lasting peace while sin remains unchallenged.
You dread hell and desire heaven. Then do not let “now” slip away. The Apostle cries, “Behold, now is the acceptable time; behold, now is the day of salvation.” While Christ sits on the throne of grace, approach boldly, with your confession, and you will obtain mercy. But if you put off repentance, assuming you can bargain later, you do not know what tomorrow may bring. He who appears now without sin to save will appear again to judge. Do not let the Gift be scorned by delay. You battle the devil within you, yes, the enemy is your own sin. Yet the battle itself proves you are not yet defeated. Stand and fight with fasting, with prayer, with almsgiving, with honest self-examination. Wash the stains by daily repentance, by tears, by works of mercy, for the hope of your salvation rests not only on the lovingkindness of God but also on your own persistence after that grace.
You cannot be at rest if you knowingly entertain what God forbids. Examine every relationship, every hidden thought, every secret habit, and cut off that which offends. That surgical peace is painful but leads to life. When you pray for the world, for those who hurt you, do so not with a sentiment that ignores righteousness but with a heart that wills their true good, their salvation, even while you refuse to share in any unfruitful works of darkness. Let your peace be the portion of a clean conscience, washed in Christ’s blood, and guarded by holy living. Keep moving forward, as you said, not dwelling on past shame except to learn humility, but reaching out for the prize of the upward call. Christ, who became sin for us though He knew no sin, will not desert you in the fight. Only take the medicines of salvation now, while it is called today.
