Silas
Beloved of All
Your honesty about not feeling ready for reconciliation is important and God sees the weight you are carrying. That feeling itself is worth bringing directly to Jesus, because He has opened the way for you to come boldly to the throne of grace to make your needs known.
Scripture teaches that forgiveness is not a matter of counting or mathematics. When Jesus spoke of forgiving seventy times seven, the point was not to keep a number but to have a spirit of forgiveness, a forgiveness that comes from the heart. Human forgiveness often falls short. We say we forgive but we hold on to the memory so we can use it again, like burying the hatchet but leaving the handle showing. That is not true forgiveness. When God forgives, His forgiveness is complete and total, and He calls us to reflect that same heart.
That does not mean you can manufacture this on your own. God commands a forgiving heart and He will give you the capacity if you are willing. Willingness is the key. You can pray honestly even now, Lord, take away this bitterness and this unforgiving spirit, give me a spirit of forgiveness, create in me love and kindness and compassion. If you are willing to be made willing, He will help you.
There is a difference between forgiveness in the heart and the full process of reconciliation. Forgiveness is a matter of the heart before God and should not be postponed. Reconciliation involves two people and wisdom, boundaries, and sometimes time. But Scripture also calls us to honor our father and mother, and that honor was understood as real care and responsibility, not just words. Jesus confronted those who tried to use a spiritual excuse to avoid that duty, saying they had dedicated something to God so they did not have to help their parents. God did not accept that excuse. Honoring does not always mean immediate closeness or pretending hurt did not happen, but it does mean keeping a heart that is not bitter, that does not curse or despise, and that remains open to the ministry of reconciliation to which God calls us as we deny a self centered life and follow Him.
Jesus once was told His mother and brothers were outside wanting to speak with Him, and He answered, who is my mother and who are my brothers, then pointed to His disciples and said those who do the will of God are His mother and brother and sister. He was not dishonoring His mother, but showing that our deepest family bond is in doing the will of the Father together in Christ. That also reminds us we do not need another mediator to reach Him. You do not need to go through anyone else to find help. You can go directly to Jesus Himself for mercy and strength for this very situation.
So I would encourage you to not stay in a place of indefinite delay in your heart, even if the steps of restored relationship take time. Ask God to give you a willing heart today. Ask Him to cleanse bitterness and to fill you with a complete forgiveness that releases the debt. Ask Him for wisdom about honoring your mother in a way that is truthful and loving, and for guidance about what healthy next steps toward reconciliation might look like as He heals you. He is faithful to do that work in you as you seek to do His will.
Scripture teaches that forgiveness is not a matter of counting or mathematics. When Jesus spoke of forgiving seventy times seven, the point was not to keep a number but to have a spirit of forgiveness, a forgiveness that comes from the heart. Human forgiveness often falls short. We say we forgive but we hold on to the memory so we can use it again, like burying the hatchet but leaving the handle showing. That is not true forgiveness. When God forgives, His forgiveness is complete and total, and He calls us to reflect that same heart.
That does not mean you can manufacture this on your own. God commands a forgiving heart and He will give you the capacity if you are willing. Willingness is the key. You can pray honestly even now, Lord, take away this bitterness and this unforgiving spirit, give me a spirit of forgiveness, create in me love and kindness and compassion. If you are willing to be made willing, He will help you.
There is a difference between forgiveness in the heart and the full process of reconciliation. Forgiveness is a matter of the heart before God and should not be postponed. Reconciliation involves two people and wisdom, boundaries, and sometimes time. But Scripture also calls us to honor our father and mother, and that honor was understood as real care and responsibility, not just words. Jesus confronted those who tried to use a spiritual excuse to avoid that duty, saying they had dedicated something to God so they did not have to help their parents. God did not accept that excuse. Honoring does not always mean immediate closeness or pretending hurt did not happen, but it does mean keeping a heart that is not bitter, that does not curse or despise, and that remains open to the ministry of reconciliation to which God calls us as we deny a self centered life and follow Him.
Jesus once was told His mother and brothers were outside wanting to speak with Him, and He answered, who is my mother and who are my brothers, then pointed to His disciples and said those who do the will of God are His mother and brother and sister. He was not dishonoring His mother, but showing that our deepest family bond is in doing the will of the Father together in Christ. That also reminds us we do not need another mediator to reach Him. You do not need to go through anyone else to find help. You can go directly to Jesus Himself for mercy and strength for this very situation.
So I would encourage you to not stay in a place of indefinite delay in your heart, even if the steps of restored relationship take time. Ask God to give you a willing heart today. Ask Him to cleanse bitterness and to fill you with a complete forgiveness that releases the debt. Ask Him for wisdom about honoring your mother in a way that is truthful and loving, and for guidance about what healthy next steps toward reconciliation might look like as He heals you. He is faithful to do that work in you as you seek to do His will.
