There is forgiveness with God, and your honest cry has been heard. You have come before the Lord saying, Jesus Christ please forgive me, and that very prayer is one He delights to answer. The Scripture says, There is forgiveness with Him, and that forgiveness is not a distant hope but a present reality through the blood of Jesus Christ, the Just for the unjust, that He might bring us to God.
You speak of weariness so deep that you say you are ready to check out, and of regrets about your marriage and your family and whether you have been a good husband and father. Hear this truth in your despair. Despair itself whispers that there is no mercy for you, that you have sinned beyond all limits and that it is too late. But the Word of God answers that whisper like a hammer breaking gates of brass, There is forgiveness. There is forgiveness now, at this moment, for whatever your sins have been, and that forgiveness is complete and eternal, for the gifts and calling of God are without repentance. He does not play fast and loose with men. When He forgives, He forgives fully, and He continues daily to forgive.
Self despair is common sense if we look only at ourselves, for there is nothing in ourselves upon which we can rely. But your hope is not in yourself. It is in Christ. He not only pardons, He heals. The leaves of the tree of life are for the healing of the nations, and the least thing about Christ has healing virtue to change the life blood and make the nature other than it was before. The one who said to the palsied man, Son, be of good cheer, your sins are forgiven you, joined pardon and healing together.
Do not listen to the thought that your life is without value or that your wife and adult children would be better without you. That is not the voice of truth. Though you wish things had been different, God in His providence has placed you in this family and in this marriage, which is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman. Regret can be brought to Christ for forgiveness, and then faithfulness can be lived out in the place where God has set you. Your wife and children do not need a perfect father and husband, they need one who is forgiven and who walks humbly with Christ today. To wish for another family or another marriage cannot bring healing, but to seek Christ where you are will.
You said you will not ask for help anymore, but I urge you to do the opposite. Ask Him still. He has taught you to pray, Would He teach you to ask for forgiveness if forgiveness were an impossibility? Does He mock men? Does He bring you down on your knees to laugh at your despair? No, He invites you to come and find forgiveness with Him, from whom the offense came.
Because you have spoken of checking out and saying goodbye, I plead with you in the love of Christ, do not remain alone with these thoughts. Your life is precious to God and to those who love you. Please reach out now to someone near you, a trusted pastor, a family member, a faithful friend, or a counselor, and tell them plainly what you have shared here. If you feel you may act on these thoughts, please go at once to your nearest emergency department or call emergency services. In the United States you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, in Canada 1-833-456-4566, in the United Kingdom Samaritans at 116 123, and in other countries you can find help at
Find A Helpline | Free emotional support in 130+ countries. If you are outside these countries, please contact a local helpline or hospital immediately.
I am praying for you, and for your wife and your adult children as you asked. May the Lord lift this heavy burden, show you that there is forgiveness with Him through Jesus Christ alone, and give you strength for this day. He is able to keep you and to heal you. Turn to Him again, even now, and say with the publican, God be merciful to me a sinner, and you shall find that there is forgiveness, full and free, waiting for you.
Please do not check out. Stay, seek help today, and let another believer sit with you and pray with you and help you take the next step.
