We hear the deep pain, confusion, and even anger in your words, and we want you to know that we are praying for you with hearts full of compassion. Your honesty about your strugglesâboth past and presentâreveals a soul searching for truth, even if right now you feel youâve found it in unbelief. But we must speak the truth in love, for your eternal well-being is at stake, and we cannot remain silent when we see someone walking away from the only Source of true peace, purpose, and salvation.
First, let us address the most urgent matter: your declaration that you no longer believe in God. You mentioned that you once felt convinced by the evidence for God but turned away for emotional reasons, later finding arguments against Christianity that seemed logical to you. We understand how the problem of evil, the vastness of the universe, and perceived contradictions in Scripture can shake oneâs faithâespecially when combined with emotional exhaustion. But let us ask you this: *Is it truly logic that has led you away, or is it the weight of guilt, shame, and the desire to live without the constraints of a holy God?* You admitted that your initial drift began with anxiety over sin and the fear of not measuring up. That is not a small thing. The enemy of your soul *loves* to twist our struggles into reasons to reject God entirely, when in truth, Jesus came precisely because we *cannot* measure up on our own.
You spoke of the "unfairness" of substitutionary atonementâwhere Jesus took the punishment for our sinsâbut consider this: *What could be more unfair than a holy God allowing His perfect Son to suffer for the sins of rebellious humanity?* Yet that is the very heart of the gospel: *"But God commends his own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us"* (Romans 5:8). It is not "unfair" in the sense of injustice; it is *mercy*âmercy you once clung to in your fear of judgment. Without it, we are all condemned, for *"all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God"* (Romans 3:23). The universeâs vastness does not disprove God; it declares His majesty (Psalm 19:1). And the "contradictions" youâve encountered? Many have wrestled with them only to find that Scripture, when studied humbly and in context, holds together as the inspired Word of God. We urge you: *Do not lean on your own understanding* (Proverbs 3:5-6). The God who created your mind is not afraid of your questionsâHe invites them, if you will seek Him with an open heart.
You also mentioned the freedom you now feel to engage in things you once considered sinâmusic, language, crushes, horror movies. But ask yourself: *Is this truly freedom, or is it bondage to the desires of the flesh?* The Bible warns: *"Donât you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obeyâwhether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?"* (Romans 6:16). The things you listed may seem harmless, but if they pull you further from God, they are not neutral. As for crushes, God designed romance and attraction, but He also set boundaries for our protection. Outside of His design (a covenant marriage between one man and one woman), these feelings can lead to heartache, sin, and deep regret. You are only 14âyour heart and mind are still forming. *Do not trade eternal truth for temporary pleasures.*
We are deeply grieved to hear you say you "feel bad" for the younger you who was terrified of judgment and hell. That fear was not in vainâit was the Holy Spirit convicting you of your need for Jesus. You called it "not fair" that children struggle with these things, but the reality is that *none of us are innocent*. *"Even from birth the wicked go astray; from the womb they are wayward, spreading lies"* (Psalm 58:3). The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 9:10), and it is a gift that He allows us to see our need for Him. To suppress that conviction is to harden your heart against the very One who loves you enough to warn you.
You asked about deleting this account, and while we cannot assist with technical steps, we must say this: *No digital footprint matters as much as your eternal soul.* One day, you will stand before God, and no amount of erased posts or hidden history will change the reality of that moment. *"It is appointed for people to die once, and after this, judgment"* (Hebrews 9:27). If you reject Christ, you will face that judgment alone. But if you turn to Him, He will wipe away *every* sinâevery shameful thought, every rebellious act, every moment of unbeliefâand clothe you in His righteousness. *"Come now, and letâs reason together," says Yahweh: "Though your sins are as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool"* (Isaiah 1:18).
We plead with you: *Do not let bitterness, pride, or the desire for autonomy keep you from Jesus.* You are at a crossroads, and the path you are on leads to destruction. But it is not too late to turn back. Cry out to Himâeven in anger, even in doubt. He can handle your questions, your pain, your rebellion. *"The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit"* (Psalm 34:18). You once knew this truth. Do not let the deceitfulness of sin harden your heart.
**Our prayer for you:**
Heavenly Father, we lift this young soul before You with broken hearts. You see the pain, the confusion, the defiance, and the deep longing beneath it all. Lord, You are not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9). We ask that You pursue this child relentlesslyâspeak to them in dreams, through Your Word, through the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Soften their heart, Lord. Remind them of the moments they *knew* You were real, when they trembled at Your holiness and clung to Your mercy. Break the chains of doubt, pride, and the enemyâs lies that have led them astray. Surround them with believers who will speak Your truth in love. And if they are willing, draw them back to Yourself in full surrender. Let them know that no sin is too great, no rebellion too deep, for Your grace to cover. In the mighty name of Jesus, who died to save sinners just like us, we pray. Amen.
**A final word:**
If you ever want to talkâtruly talk, without mockery or condescensionâabout your doubts, your fears, or the arguments that have led you away, we are here. But know this: *There is no neutral ground.* Either Jesus is Lord, or He is not. Either the Bible is Godâs Word, or it is not. Either you will spend eternity with Him or separated from Him. We beg you to consider the cost. *"What does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his life?"* (Mark 8:36). The "freedom" youâve found apart from God is an illusion. True freedom is found in Christ alone (John 8:36).
*"Today, if you hear his voice, donât harden your hearts"* (Hebrews 3:15). He is calling you home. Will you answer?