Silas
Beloved of All
Your honest cry for help has been heard and taken to heart, and I am praying for you right now in this very hard season.
Please hear this first. The feelings you are having, even the feeling that you have lost the Holy Spirit or lost God's love, do not change what God has done for you in Jesus Christ. Scripture says that when you believed in Christ you were sealed with the Holy Spirit who was promised. That seal is God's mark of ownership on your life, His declaration that you belong to Him. The Spirit is also described as the down payment of our inheritance until God brings His purchased people fully home. That means His presence in you is God's guarantee, not something that comes and goes with your emotions or your strength on a given day.
You asked how you can know the Spirit is still with you and how you can have God's love again. The Bible points us to love as the evidence and the fruit. God is love, and when His Spirit dwells in us He begins to perfect that love in us. This is not your love for God trying to earn His favor, but His love for you shown in sending His Son to take your sin, and then poured into your heart by the Spirit. You cannot manufacture this kind of love on your own. It is not physical attraction and it is not just natural affection or friendship. It is a giving, divine love that only the Spirit can create, and as you yield to Him and are filled with Him, He forms the character of Jesus in you. That love, even in small and imperfect ways, is how we know that we dwell in Him and He in us, because He has given us His Spirit.
The Spirit also bears witness with your own spirit that you are a child of God, and if a child then an heir. That witness is meant to give you assurance. God's love for you is not caused by you and it is not kept by your performance. It flows from His own nature, it is constant and eternal, and Scripture says that nothing present or to come, no height or depth or any created thing, can separate you from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus. If you only knew more deeply how broad and rich His love for you is, you would see you do not need to run from Him or hide from Him in this darkness. He is not pushing you away.
The work of the Spirit is to make you like Jesus and to give you power to live for Him, which you cannot do in your own strength. He convicts, He draws you to Jesus, He indwells you when you trust Christ, and He teaches you as you hear and read the Word. You do not need to wait for some special later experience to receive Him. Once He was poured out, the invitation is to be filled and to walk in step with Him day by day, letting His Word and His presence teach and strengthen you.
In this painful time, please do not stay alone with these suicidal thoughts. Your life is precious to God, and He has not finished His purpose for you. Reach out right away to a trusted pastor, a mature believer, a counselor, or a family member who can stay with you, listen, and help you get care. If you feel you might act on these thoughts, please contact a local crisis helpline or emergency help in your area right now and let someone know where you are.
I am praying for you like this. Father, I lift this dear one to You in the name of Jesus. Thank You that You have sealed them with Your Holy Spirit and that they belong to You. In this hour of heaviness and despair, let Your Spirit bear clear witness to their heart that they are Your child, loved, not abandoned. Pour Your love anew into their heart, perfect Your love in them, and give them boldness and peace as they look to Jesus. Lift the darkness, guard their mind, and surround them with Your presence and with people who will walk with them and help them. Teach them through Your Word by Your Spirit, and lead them step by step as they walk with You. Keep them, hold them, and let them know with assurance that nothing can separate them from Your love in Christ. Amen.
Keep turning to Jesus, keep opening His Word even when feelings are numb, and keep letting others come close to help you. God is near, He loves you, and He is keeping you.
Please hear this first. The feelings you are having, even the feeling that you have lost the Holy Spirit or lost God's love, do not change what God has done for you in Jesus Christ. Scripture says that when you believed in Christ you were sealed with the Holy Spirit who was promised. That seal is God's mark of ownership on your life, His declaration that you belong to Him. The Spirit is also described as the down payment of our inheritance until God brings His purchased people fully home. That means His presence in you is God's guarantee, not something that comes and goes with your emotions or your strength on a given day.
You asked how you can know the Spirit is still with you and how you can have God's love again. The Bible points us to love as the evidence and the fruit. God is love, and when His Spirit dwells in us He begins to perfect that love in us. This is not your love for God trying to earn His favor, but His love for you shown in sending His Son to take your sin, and then poured into your heart by the Spirit. You cannot manufacture this kind of love on your own. It is not physical attraction and it is not just natural affection or friendship. It is a giving, divine love that only the Spirit can create, and as you yield to Him and are filled with Him, He forms the character of Jesus in you. That love, even in small and imperfect ways, is how we know that we dwell in Him and He in us, because He has given us His Spirit.
The Spirit also bears witness with your own spirit that you are a child of God, and if a child then an heir. That witness is meant to give you assurance. God's love for you is not caused by you and it is not kept by your performance. It flows from His own nature, it is constant and eternal, and Scripture says that nothing present or to come, no height or depth or any created thing, can separate you from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus. If you only knew more deeply how broad and rich His love for you is, you would see you do not need to run from Him or hide from Him in this darkness. He is not pushing you away.
The work of the Spirit is to make you like Jesus and to give you power to live for Him, which you cannot do in your own strength. He convicts, He draws you to Jesus, He indwells you when you trust Christ, and He teaches you as you hear and read the Word. You do not need to wait for some special later experience to receive Him. Once He was poured out, the invitation is to be filled and to walk in step with Him day by day, letting His Word and His presence teach and strengthen you.
In this painful time, please do not stay alone with these suicidal thoughts. Your life is precious to God, and He has not finished His purpose for you. Reach out right away to a trusted pastor, a mature believer, a counselor, or a family member who can stay with you, listen, and help you get care. If you feel you might act on these thoughts, please contact a local crisis helpline or emergency help in your area right now and let someone know where you are.
I am praying for you like this. Father, I lift this dear one to You in the name of Jesus. Thank You that You have sealed them with Your Holy Spirit and that they belong to You. In this hour of heaviness and despair, let Your Spirit bear clear witness to their heart that they are Your child, loved, not abandoned. Pour Your love anew into their heart, perfect Your love in them, and give them boldness and peace as they look to Jesus. Lift the darkness, guard their mind, and surround them with Your presence and with people who will walk with them and help them. Teach them through Your Word by Your Spirit, and lead them step by step as they walk with You. Keep them, hold them, and let them know with assurance that nothing can separate them from Your love in Christ. Amen.
Keep turning to Jesus, keep opening His Word even when feelings are numb, and keep letting others come close to help you. God is near, He loves you, and He is keeping you.
