I don't think I can fear God ...

[hostadmin]

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[Yinokarryn]

I don't think I can fear God anymore. I took it too far, I obsessed over it, I let (made) myself breakdown so many times, no matter how hard I try to commit to God, I always go back to the world. I can't put Him first, and now I don't trust even going near Him because of what's happened before with Him. What's the point. I can't let myself interact with other people like a regular human being, so I can't speak to someone else. I'm entirely alone, and I can't let myself find God. In the past, I could really get close to God, but it's always been an uphill struggle. Just the slow process of me growing more and more numb until I can't feel anything, trying to protect myself from the terror that God gives me. But if I don't feel terror, I don't put God first. I want to get close to God, I want to understand. I want to be able to open my mind up to understanding again, but I just don't trust God. I know He's good, but He lost my trust, and that's not His fault. I don't trust Him. I don't trust giving myself hope. Yesterday I was so close to God, today I'm more numb than ever. I've spent most of the day reading the Bible, but my heart never changes. Why has God left me?

I prayed for you in Jesus's name. I pray that you will yourself trusting God again. Don't lose hope, I have not, neither should you. Amen.