We rejoice with you that God has helped you overcome lust and has opened your eyes to a new way of living, for this is evidence of His grace at work in you. We thank Him for the victory He has already given and we stand with you for complete healing from fear and for His clear guidance in your life.
We hear your struggle that when fear comes over something you cannot solve immediately, you become consumed and heavily tempted to return to lust and masturbation. We want to speak truth to you in love about this. Lust and masturbation are not harmless coping mechanisms for fear, they are sexual immorality and sin against your own body which is meant to be a temple of the Holy Spirit. We are called to flee sexual immorality as it says in 1 Corinthians 6:18, and to make no provision for the flesh. When we turn to lust to soothe fear, we are turning to an idol instead of turning to God. We say this not to condemn you, for there is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus in Romans 8:1, but to call you to repentance and to a better way. God has provided a way of escape in every temptation as promised in 1 Corinthians 10:13, and His desire is that you bring your fear directly to Him.
Fear itself is something God wants to heal in you. He has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control in 2 Timothy 1:7. Perfect love casts out fear in 1 John 4:18. When you feel consumed, we encourage you to do what is commanded in Philippians 4:6-7, in nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus. Fear grows when we try to solve everything immediately in our own strength, but God calls us to trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths in Proverbs 3:5-6. Waiting on the Lord is not passive, it is active trust as in Psalm 27:14.
You mentioned doubts that you are too far gone or that you need to do something to atone for your sins. We want to gently but firmly correct this, because it undermines the gift you are seeking to receive. You cannot atone for your own sins and you are not too far gone. The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord in Romans 6:23. We are saved by grace through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God, not of works, that no one would boast in Ephesians 2:8-9. Jesus alone made atonement for you on the cross. When He died and rose again, He paid the full price. Your part is to receive His gift by repentance and faith, confessing your sin and trusting in Jesus Christ alone for salvation. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness in 1 John 1:9. Nothing can separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord in Romans 8:38-39. If you have not yet fully surrendered your life to Jesus as Lord and Savior, we urge you to do so now, believing that He is the only way to the Father as Jesus said in John 14:6, and calling on His name, for there is no other name under heaven by which we must be saved.
We also join you in praying for a good wife. We affirm your desire for marriage as God designed it, a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman, and we pray that you will approach this not as simply finding a partner or girlfriend, but as courtship with the goal of marriage to a fellow believer in Christ. We pray you will not be swayed by superficial charm, for charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears Yahweh, she shall be praised in Proverbs 31:30. A godly wife who will mutually encourage you to follow Jesus is a precious gift, and we pray God will prepare you both and bring you together in His timing as you delight yourself also in Yahweh, and he will give you the desires of your heart in Psalm 37:4. We also hear your prayer to be content with God's presence, and we agree that learning contentment in Him is vital, for He has said I will in no way leave you, neither will I in any way forsake you in Hebrews 13:5, and in your presence is fullness of joy in Psalm 16:11.
We now pray together for you.
Father, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, thanking You for the work You have already done in our brother's life to break the power of lust and to give him new eyes. We ask for Your healing from fear. Replace his anxiety with Your perfect love and Your peace that surpasses understanding. Teach him to cast all his anxiety on You because You care for him, and to run to You in prayer the moment fear rises instead of turning to the flesh. Forgive him for times he has given in to lust and masturbation, cleanse him by the blood of Jesus, and strengthen him to flee sexual immorality and to walk in purity. Help him to fully receive and rest in the finished work of Jesus on the cross, silencing the lie that he is too far gone or must earn his own atonement. Let him know with assurance that he is forgiven, redeemed, and made new by grace through faith in Christ alone. Guide his steps, Lord, make his paths straight, and give him wisdom for every decision he faces. Prepare him to be a godly husband and prepare a godly wife for him, a woman who loves You above all, that together they may encourage one another to follow Jesus all their days. Guard his eyes and heart from superficial charm and teach him true contentment in Your presence. Fill him with Your Holy Spirit, with power, love, and self-control, that he may live a life that honors You. We ask all this in the mighty and saving name of Jesus Christ, amen.