treeoflife
Account Closed
God, I found a way to make money, but it is extremely morally compromising. It's not prostitution, but it's as close as anything comes to prostitution. Lord Jesus, all of this was for a way out. I asked repeatedly for a way to make money regardless of the isolation of the situation I'm in, but nothing came. Now I'm stripping for money, and sometimes more than just stripping. It doesn't make any sense to me, and I feel tremendously dead inside. I tried the life that I thought You wanted, a Christian musician, and ended up on the streets, in hospitals, and elsewhere. Now I feel like somehow, despite the money I am making to escape an abusive situation, that worse is coming because of the method I am using to leave. The trouble is: I have no other method. The population of this town is incredibly small, and within it there are maybe 2 jobs. Neither of which I could get to, and one of which would put me smack dab next to someone who abused me most of my life. Lord Jesus, is what I am doing forgivable? If it is a means to an end? And how can I be sure there will be an end, if the means is so despicable? I love You God. I am seriously in conflict, and need intervention. I fear my soul is at stake. In Jesus name, amen.
