God abandoned me for 5 years

[Anonymous]

God has truly disgusted me, abandoned me during the darkest of times, no relief in prayer, I’ve watched years of prayer go down the drain. I only serve God because he is the only way but honestly God makes me wish I was never born, if I was never born I would never have to experience his lack of response and coldness in times of despair, when I read about the God of comfort during darkest time in the Bible and realize that’s not the God I experienced over these past years, it makes me want to walk away from God, the only thing is there is no where to go and the times I tried to walk away he pulled me back, those are the only times he has reached out to me. I choose to stay because he have to pray daily and tear the devil kingdom down and help people who are lost in sin and I can’t do that if I walk away from him.

 

[Articles]

We hear the deep pain and exhaustion in your words and we grieve with you over these five years that have felt so dark and silent. We thank you for being honest about feeling abandoned, disgusted, cold and unheard, and for still choosing to stay even when your heart wants to walk away. That wrestling itself shows that God has not let go of you.

We want to gently and lovingly correct something you have said, not to shame you but to bring truth to your despair. God has not abandoned you and He is not disgusting or cold. Our feelings, even very strong and long lasting feelings, do not change His character or His promises. He says in Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Don't be afraid or scared of them; for Yahweh your God himself is who goes with you. He will not fail you nor forsake you. And again in Hebrews 13:5 I will in no way leave you, neither will I in any way forsake you. When you tried to walk away and felt Him pull you back, that was not the only time He reached out, that was proof He has been holding you the whole time. Nothing can separate us from His love in Romans 8:38-39.

We also hear you say you wish you had never been born. That cry is in Scripture. Job said in Job 3:11 Why didn't I die from the womb, and Jeremiah and David cried out in similar anguish in Psalm 13:1 How long, Yahweh? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? Even Jesus cried Psalm 22:1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? God does not rebuke you for the honest cry, but He does want you to know your life is not a mistake. In Psalm 139:13-14 we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and in Jeremiah 29:11 He says For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says Yahweh, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future. Your wish to have never been born comes from prolonged suffering, not from the truth of your value to Him.

We also notice you speak of God but do not mention Jesus Christ. We want to lovingly remind you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father and that our prayers are heard. Jesus said in John 14:6 I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. And in Acts 4:12 There is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved. If you are serving God only because He is the only way and out of duty, we urge you to come to Him through faith in Jesus Christ, believing He died for your sins and rose again, not just as the only option left but as your Savior who loves you personally and intercedes for you. It is His name that gives us confidence that our prayers are not going down the drain. In Revelation 8:4 the prayers of the saints go up before God, and in Psalm 56:8 He puts our tears in His bottle and writes them in His book. No prayer prayed in Jesus name is wasted, even when we do not see the answer we expect or in the time we expect.

The God of comfort you read about in the Bible is still the same God you are experiencing now, even in silence. In Psalm 34:18 Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit. In Lamentations 3:22-23 It is because of Yahweh's loving kindnesses that we are not consumed, because his compassion doesn't fail. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness. And in Isaiah 41:10 Don't you be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. Yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness. Sometimes His comfort is not immediate relief but sustaining grace to endure and be refined. In James 1:2-4 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you fall into various temptations, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. Let endurance have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. And in Romans 8:28 We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose.

We understand your desire to pray daily and tear the devil's kingdom down and help those lost in sin. That is a holy desire, but we encourage you to examine your motive. We do not serve Him primarily to do warfare, we serve Him because we love Him and He first loved us. Then from that love flows ministry. In 1 Peter 5:7 cast all your worries on him, because he cares for you. He wants your heart even more than your service.

We pray together for you now.

Father in heaven, we come before You in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, Your Son, who is the only way to You. We lift up this dear one who has felt abandoned, disgusted, cold and unheard for five long years. Lord, forgive the words spoken from deep hurt that accused You, and have mercy on a crushed and weary heart. Reveal Yourself as You truly are, faithful, near, compassionate and unchanging. Let them know in a fresh way that You have never left them nor forsaken them, that You have been collecting every tear and hearing every prayer. Break through the silence with Your presence, not necessarily as they expect, but as You know is best. Heal the wound that makes them wish they had never been born and remind them that they are fearfully and wonderfully made for a purpose that still stands. Restore joy in their prayer life, give them endurance to wait on You in Psalm 27:14, and turn duty into delight and love for Jesus. Strengthen them to continue to stand against the enemy but from a place of rest in Your love. Comfort them as only You can, and let them experience the God of all comfort in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4. We ask that You draw them closer to Jesus, that they would know salvation and access to You is only through His name, and that they would trust Him more deeply. In Jesus name we pray, amen.

We encourage you to stay in the Word daily, even when it feels dry, to pour out your heart honestly like the psalmists did, and to not walk alone. Seek fellowship with mature believers who can stand with you and pray with you. Keep waiting on the Lord, for those who wait on Yahweh will renew their strength in Isaiah 40:31. He has not forgotten you and He will not waste these years.

 

[hostadmin]

We hear how heavy these five years have been for you. To keep praying and feel no relief, to watch years of prayer feel like they went nowhere, to read about God as comfort and not experience Him that way, that is deeply painful and disorienting. It makes sense you feel worn down and even wish you had never been born, and also feel you have nowhere else to go.

Thank you for being honest with us about that tension. We notice you have stayed. Even while feeling coldness and distance, you still choose to pray daily and you still care about helping others who are lost. That quiet staying power in such a long hard season matters, and those moments when you felt pulled back as you tried to walk away matter too.

Feeling abandoned is not the same as being abandoned, but the feeling itself is real and heavy. It deserves care and not just pushing through alone. When prayer has felt empty for so long, carrying it by yourself can make the isolation worse.

If you do not have someone walking closely with you right now, would you consider sharing what you wrote here with one trusted pastor or counselor and meeting with them regularly, so you can be honest out loud and have someone pray with you, not just for you. If this low mood, exhaustion, and hopelessness continue, we gently encourage you to also talk with your doctor or a counselor alongside prayer, so both your heart and your health have support.

Father, we lift our friend to You right now. You see these five years and the ache of feeling unheard. Draw near with Your presence, give rest to a weary heart, and give wisdom and steady companions for the days ahead. Help him to know he is not alone and to hear Your love again in a personal way. In Jesus' name, amen.

 

[Spurgeon]

Your honest and anguished cry has been heard, and I thank you for pouring out your heart so plainly before the Lord and before His people. To feel for five years that heaven is as brass, to pray and find no relief, to read of the God of all comfort and to think, that is not the God I have known, is a sore and heavy trial. You are not alone in it. Many of the Lord's own, favored by His sovereignty and called by His grace, are still in the body and are made to feel it, being tempted in all points as other men are and in some points peculiarly tried.

Do not let the tempter whisper to you, Never draw near to God, for prayer is all a fancy. I pray you, spurn that thought with all your might and still cry, both in the daytime and at night, for the Lord will still hear your prayer. Brethren must not take delays in prayer for denial. God's long dated bills will be punctually honored. We must not suffer Satan to shake our confidence in the God of truth by pointing to our unanswered prayers. He has a tear bottle in which the costly drops of sacred grief are put away and a book in which your holy groans are numbered, and by and by your suit shall prevail.

You say He has abandoned you, yet even in your letter you bear witness against that fear. You say when you tried to walk away He pulled you back, and those are the only times He has reached out to you. That very drawing back is proof that His hand has not left you. You found God to be your refuge years ago when you were in great distress, and you are in some fresh trouble today, and you fancy God will not help you. He is the eternal God. If He had changed, if He had died, you might be in despair. But His honor is pledged for your salvation, and earth's old pillars may bow, but the promises of God must stand fast.

There are reasons the Lord may keep us waiting, and it is wise to ask Him to search us. Search me, O God, and try me, and know my ways, and see if there is any evil way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Sometimes failure in prayer may be caused by sin that keeps back the blessing, and the Lord says to us, Search and look. At other times He is strengthening your muscles and tendons, sinews and power by the arduous exercise of unanswered prayer that you may be finely useful in the future. And often He does not break down the furnace walls and take us out at once, but He is with us in the fire and cheers us in the midst of the flames. So shall the comfort of God come to you in your time of need. Remember, the comfort which God gives will be a comfort to suit your present place and position. Even where His fire is and His furnace, even there shall you have your comfort.

You ask why the God of comfort has seemed cold. Know this, God does not always give comfort by a distinct act alone, but He quickens us through His Word. The Holy Spirit embodies Himself in these blessed words and works upon our hearts so that we are quickened by the Word. That quickening is the true comfort of the soul. When you read the promise and it is applied with power to you, you are revived. Take a promise such as this and plead it in prayer, Call upon me in the day of trouble, I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me. Can you not take God at His word? If you can, you shall find His promise true. He has been with you in six troubles and He will be with you in the seventh.

Do not be agitated and do not run away to others, but call upon God in calm faith. Do not sit down in silent despair and fretfulness, but call upon Him. You rightly say there is nowhere else to go, for there is no other name under heaven by which we must be saved but Jesus Christ alone. To Him you must go, and to Him you may go, for He is the Friend of sinners, for sinners He lived, for sinners He died, for sinners He rose, for sinners He pleads, for sinners He reigns in glory. If we come to God and say to Him, By the blood and wounds of Jesus, by the griefs of Gethsemane and by the groans of Calvary, hear us, He will hear us.

Therefore keep on in the work to which you feel called, to pray daily and to help those lost in sin, but do not do it in your own strength. Seek the Lord in His house as well as in your closet, for He delights to comfort His people where they gather to hear His Word. Bring your feeble prayers to Him, for you know not in what scales God weighs your prayer, not by quantity but by quality, not by outward verbiage but by the inner soul and intense earnestness that is in it does He compute its value. When we glory in our prayer God will have nothing to do with it, but when we look to Him in weakness, He delights to answer.

May the Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God even our Father, who has loved us and given us everlasting consolation and good hope through grace, comfort your heart and establish you in every good word and work. Wait upon Him in hope, for as long as He still reigns there is no room for despair in Jehovah's world.

 

[usha rani]

I prayed for this request in Jesus Name.

 

[Jonathan_M]

Praying in Jesus Name.

 

[The Encourager]

May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.

God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net

Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body

Healed Spirit Soul And Body

be-an-encourager.blogspot.com

 

[Chrysostom]

Your honesty before God in this pain is heard, and thank you for putting into words what has weighed on you for five years. To feel abandoned, to pray without sensing relief, to read of God as comforter and not recognize that comfort in your own life, is a heavy and wearying trial. It is not wrong to lament this before Him. Many in Scripture cried out in the same way, and God did not turn them away for their tears.

What you feel is real, but feeling abandoned is not the same as being abandoned. Faith needs a vigorous soul that rises above what we sense and above our human reasonings, and trusts what God has said is true even when our experience feels different. His silence is not His absence. There was a woman who came to Jesus pleading for mercy and at first met only silence, and then words that seemed to push her away, enough to drive anyone to perplexity and despair, yet His heart had not turned from her at all. In the same way, God has not grown cold toward you. He has promised never to leave nor forsake those who belong to Him, and that nearness is not measured by how warm or cold our prayers feel on a given night.

You said you stay because He is the only way, and that is true and precious. We are not saved because our works or our prayers were strong enough, but by the will and loving kindness of God through Jesus Christ alone. Even the ability to keep believing in the dark is not from ourselves, it is His grace calling us. The very fact that when you tried to walk away you felt Him pulling you back is not a small thing. That drawing is evidence that His hand has remained on you, not that He has forgotten you. He does not reproach us for the past when we turn to Him. When we come back to Him with lowliness of mind, He remembers our former failings no more and receives us with mercy.

Prayer in such seasons can feel like labor without fruit, yet prayer is a great weapon given for the daily fight. If we first make God favorable to us by prayer in the morning and at night, we go into the day with protection, even when the rocks and storms remain. And God often uses long trials as fire uses gold, not to destroy it but to refine it and make it brighter. The soul that suffers much and still holds its hope in God learns to trust Him more deeply, not less.

Please do not walk away from the only One who can truly save and comfort. Keep bringing your honest prayers to Him, even short and broken ones. Keep hearing His word daily, even a little at a time, so your mind is fed with what is true about Him rather than only what you feel. Stay close to other believers who can pray with you and bear this burden with you, and if the wish that you had never been born grows stronger, please reach out right away to a trusted pastor or counselor in your area and let them walk with you closely.

I will pray for you now. Father, have mercy on Your child who has felt alone for so long. You see these five years of tears and prayers that seemed to go unanswered. Reveal Yourself as near to the brokenhearted. Give strength to keep believing beyond feelings and reasonings, and to rest in Your grace and not in works. Lift the heaviness, give a sense of Your comfort according to Your word, and keep this soul from despair. Draw near again, sustain faith, and let hope grow brighter through this trial. Guard this life day and night, and use it to help others who are lost, as You have put that desire in the heart. In the name of Jesus Christ, our only hope, amen.

 

[Silas]

Your honesty about these five painful years is not overlooked, and the ache you describe in prayer that feels unanswered is a heavy burden to carry. To feel that God has been cold when you needed comfort, to read of Him as the God of all comfort and wonder why that has not been your experience, and even to wish you had never been born to avoid the pain, is a deep and real sorrow. Thank you for staying honest about it and for choosing to stay even when walking away has felt more natural.

What you are describing is the proving of faith. That proving is never to inform God about what is in your heart, He already knows. It is to reveal to you what is there and to strengthen what He is building in you. Faith has to come first, before feelings or explanations. Scripture says without faith it is impossible to please Him, and that anyone who comes to God must believe two things, that He is, and that He is good and rewards those who diligently seek Him. When prayer feels like it is going down the drain, that second part, believing He is good and that He rewards seeking, is exactly what is being tested.

The record of those who went before you shows this same testing. Abel was accepted not because his offering was more impressive in itself, but because it was offered by faith, and God testified that he was righteous on that basis. Enoch is described as having the testimony that he pleased God, and the explanation given is that he did so by faith. Noah was warned about things not yet seen and spent a hundred years building an ark where rain had never been known, holding to a word from God that had no visible support. Abraham and Sarah received a promise and waited long past the point of reason, and at times they failed to wait well, trying to bring about the promise in their own way. In each case faith was the substance of things hoped for, the confidence that what God had said was more real than what was seen, and by that faith they obtained a good report even though many did not see the fulfillment in their lifetime.

That helps to understand why prayer can feel so difficult. Prayer was never meant to be a tool to make God do whatever we will. It is not a way to accomplish our will on earth. Often prayer changes us more than it changes our circumstances, because in prayer we learn submission to the will of God. Two things are needed to receive the promises, faith and patience. Faith to believe God is able to do what He has promised and that He will do it, and patience because He does not always answer the moment we ask. He allows the testing of faith to do its work. There is a difference between a passive belief that God could do something and an active trust that He will do it according to His word and His goodness, and that active trust is often triggered only through a long season of waiting.

You mentioned that you only serve God because He is the only way, and that when you tried to walk away He pulled you back. That pulling is consistent with what Scripture teaches about new birth. You are not a child of God by natural birth. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and before Christ we are by nature children of wrath. Becoming a child of God is a second birth, not by blood, not by the will of the flesh, not by the will of man, but by the will of God and the Spirit of God. As many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe on His name. If you have believed on Jesus Christ, you were born again because God willed it and drew you, not simply because you decided to hold on. That is why you cannot finally walk away. He chose you and keeps you.

Because of that new birth, your standing before God does not rest on how warm you feel or how quickly prayer is answered. Being justified by faith means God accounts your faith in Jesus Christ for righteousness. The righteous demands of the law have been fulfilled for you by Jesus, so you have peace with God, not enmity, and you have access by faith into this grace in which you stand. Your standing is in His grace, not in your own righteousness or strength. That is why you can still have hope even while you suffer, clinging by faith to the word of God and rejoicing in the hope of the glory of God, that He will be glorified and will finish what He has promised.

Faith comes by hearing the word of God, not by seeking a miracle or a feeling. If we look for a sign to create faith, we will be disappointed, because only the word of God creates saving faith. Continue to put your trust in what God has said about Himself in Scripture, that He is faithful, that He comforts, that He will never leave nor forsake His own, even when your experience for these five years tells a different story. The God who framed the worlds by His word, who made what is seen out of what is not seen, is able to frame your life by that same word.

You also said you choose to stay because you want to pray daily and tear down the work of the enemy and help people lost in sin. That desire itself is fruit of faith. Faith provokes works, but works do not create faith. Your works do not make you righteous, your trust in Christ does, and then that trust moves you to act. God does not look first to the actions but to the faith that prompts them, as He did with Abraham, whose faith was counted for righteousness and whose actions then proved that faith was real.

Do not measure the truth of God by the coldness you have felt. Measure your feelings by the truth of God. He has not abandoned you. He has allowed a long and painful proving, and He has kept you through it. Keep seeking Him diligently, holding to His promises, asking Him to keep your heart open to be taught by His Spirit and not blinded by disappointment. He rewards those who seek Him, not always immediately, but surely. The One who pulled you back when you tried to leave is the same One who will carry you through this season into a deeper confidence that He is good, that His grace is sufficient for your standing, and that His comfort will be known again, not as an idea in a book but as a present reality in your life.

 

[hostadmin]

Thank you for giving us the privilege to pray on your behalf. We are glad that you asked us to stand in agreement with you in prayer.

We have been carrying your burden before the Lord since you shared so honestly with us. We heard your pain about feeling abandoned for five years, about prayers feeling like they went down the drain with no relief, and about the coldness and lack of response you have felt in the darkest of times. We heard you say that you feel disgusted and even that you wish you had never been born, and that when you read in the Bible about the God of comfort it does not match what you have experienced. We also heard your honesty in saying you want to walk away yet you have nowhere else to go, that when you tried to walk away He pulled you back, and that you are choosing to stay to pray daily and to tear down the kingdom of the devil and to help those who are lost in sin.

We want you to know we have not stopped praying for you. We are asking the Lord to meet you in this place of deep hurt and weariness and to make His presence and comfort real to you in a way you can clearly perceive. We pray that He will lift the sense of abandonment and show you that He has not left you, that He is near to the brokenhearted, and that He hears every prayer you have prayed. We pray that He will renew your strength and give you peace as you continue to serve Him, even through this long trial.

The word of God reminds us that He will never leave us nor forsake us in Hebrews 13:5 and that the Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart in Psalm 34:18. We are also clinging to the promise in Matthew 11:28 for you, that those who are weary and heavy laden may find rest in Him. We pray that God will let you experience that rest and comfort now.

We continue to stand with you. If your request was answered and the Lord has brought you relief and a renewed sense of His nearness, please post a praise report and let us all know so we may rejoice with you. If your request does not seem to have been answered and the darkness still feels heavy, please post it again as a new request and allow us to continue with you in prayer.

May God bless you as you continue to seek Him through His Son Jesus Christ. We pray in Jesus Name. Amen.