Silas
Beloved of All
Your cry has been heard and I want to answer it with honesty and with hope from Scripture.
You asked to know that Jesus loves you, and the Bible does not try to prove that love by how you feel or by whether your circumstances improve. It points to one place, the cross. God demonstrated His love there by sending His only Son to take your sin upon Himself so that you could be brought near to Him. That is how you can know His love is real and personal. It is not caused by anything good in you and it cannot be bought or earned. It flows freely to you because that is who God is. Even while we were still turned against Him, Christ gave His life for us. Greater love has no one than to lay down his life for his friends, and Jesus did that for you. When the enemy whispers that God does not love you because of the pain you are in, look to the cross. That is the unquenchable love that no flood of trouble can drown.
You said you feel worthless in God's sight and that you scream inside your head and cannot think. That feeling is not the truth about how God sees you. He cleanses and receives those who come to Him through Jesus, blotting out sin completely. His love when it is at work in us takes away fear, because in Christ we have confidence before God, not because we are worthy in ourselves but because we are secure in Him. We love Him because He first loved us, and that love is what creates a response in our hearts. You do not have to manufacture love for God or for others on your own. That kind of giving love, the love that gives itself as Christ gave Himself, is not something we can produce by trying harder or by talking ourselves into it. It is the work of the Holy Spirit within us, producing pureness, understanding, patience, kindness and genuine love. It is right to ask to be filled and even bombarded by the Holy Spirit in that way, and to ask Him to do what you cannot do yourself.
You asked for rescue, and you said you wish someone like a hero would save you and that you so need Jesus to save you. Jesus alone is the Savior. Scripture says today is the accepted time, today is the day of salvation, and God urges us not to receive His grace without responding. His offer is to all, to whoever will believe in His Son and trust Him. Do not turn aside from that offer. Receive it now. His mercies and compassions do not fail, they are new every morning, and every new day is an opportunity to see His goodness. The battle you are in is not yours to fight in your own strength. God says to stand still and see His salvation, for the battle belongs to Him. He is able to fight for you when you feel attacked and overwhelmed, including the attacks you experience online. Jesus taught that we are to love those who hate us, do good to those who mistreat us and pray for those who persecute us, and that love is evidence that we are children of our Father. I will pray that God gives you that kind of love for those who attack you, not a forced feeling but His love poured into your heart.
You shared many heavy burdens at once, your head, your body, feeling sexually dead, finances, your phone, wanting to love the Bible and sermons again, wanting children, wanting spiritual and physical restoration and to be rescued from yourself. God cares about the whole person. He is the one who can bring restoration both spiritually and physically, and He can renew your mind. The Bible speaks of forgiveness and love as the foundation for a sound mind, first laying down how much God has loved and blessed us, and then calling us to walk in that love as Christ loved us and gave Himself for us. The world often confuses physical desire with love, but true love is giving, not self seeking. I pray God will heal what feels dead and broken in you according to His good design, where intimacy belongs within the lifelong covenant of marriage between one man and one woman, and that He will bring wholeness and purity and joy in the right way.
I am praying for you specifically, that God would lift the confusion and heaviness in your mind, remove what is afflicting your body, provide for your bills and your practical needs including your phone, restore your hunger for Scripture and for hearing truth preached, and give you peace instead of screaming inside. I pray He will show you clearly how deeply you are loved at the cross, fill you with His Spirit so that His love is made complete in you and casts out fear, and rescue you from yourself through Jesus Christ alone. May He reconcile you to Himself, forgive you, make you His child, and let you experience that you are not worthless but dearly loved, cleansed and kept in Him.
You asked to know that Jesus loves you, and the Bible does not try to prove that love by how you feel or by whether your circumstances improve. It points to one place, the cross. God demonstrated His love there by sending His only Son to take your sin upon Himself so that you could be brought near to Him. That is how you can know His love is real and personal. It is not caused by anything good in you and it cannot be bought or earned. It flows freely to you because that is who God is. Even while we were still turned against Him, Christ gave His life for us. Greater love has no one than to lay down his life for his friends, and Jesus did that for you. When the enemy whispers that God does not love you because of the pain you are in, look to the cross. That is the unquenchable love that no flood of trouble can drown.
You said you feel worthless in God's sight and that you scream inside your head and cannot think. That feeling is not the truth about how God sees you. He cleanses and receives those who come to Him through Jesus, blotting out sin completely. His love when it is at work in us takes away fear, because in Christ we have confidence before God, not because we are worthy in ourselves but because we are secure in Him. We love Him because He first loved us, and that love is what creates a response in our hearts. You do not have to manufacture love for God or for others on your own. That kind of giving love, the love that gives itself as Christ gave Himself, is not something we can produce by trying harder or by talking ourselves into it. It is the work of the Holy Spirit within us, producing pureness, understanding, patience, kindness and genuine love. It is right to ask to be filled and even bombarded by the Holy Spirit in that way, and to ask Him to do what you cannot do yourself.
You asked for rescue, and you said you wish someone like a hero would save you and that you so need Jesus to save you. Jesus alone is the Savior. Scripture says today is the accepted time, today is the day of salvation, and God urges us not to receive His grace without responding. His offer is to all, to whoever will believe in His Son and trust Him. Do not turn aside from that offer. Receive it now. His mercies and compassions do not fail, they are new every morning, and every new day is an opportunity to see His goodness. The battle you are in is not yours to fight in your own strength. God says to stand still and see His salvation, for the battle belongs to Him. He is able to fight for you when you feel attacked and overwhelmed, including the attacks you experience online. Jesus taught that we are to love those who hate us, do good to those who mistreat us and pray for those who persecute us, and that love is evidence that we are children of our Father. I will pray that God gives you that kind of love for those who attack you, not a forced feeling but His love poured into your heart.
You shared many heavy burdens at once, your head, your body, feeling sexually dead, finances, your phone, wanting to love the Bible and sermons again, wanting children, wanting spiritual and physical restoration and to be rescued from yourself. God cares about the whole person. He is the one who can bring restoration both spiritually and physically, and He can renew your mind. The Bible speaks of forgiveness and love as the foundation for a sound mind, first laying down how much God has loved and blessed us, and then calling us to walk in that love as Christ loved us and gave Himself for us. The world often confuses physical desire with love, but true love is giving, not self seeking. I pray God will heal what feels dead and broken in you according to His good design, where intimacy belongs within the lifelong covenant of marriage between one man and one woman, and that He will bring wholeness and purity and joy in the right way.
I am praying for you specifically, that God would lift the confusion and heaviness in your mind, remove what is afflicting your body, provide for your bills and your practical needs including your phone, restore your hunger for Scripture and for hearing truth preached, and give you peace instead of screaming inside. I pray He will show you clearly how deeply you are loved at the cross, fill you with His Spirit so that His love is made complete in you and casts out fear, and rescue you from yourself through Jesus Christ alone. May He reconcile you to Himself, forgive you, make you His child, and let you experience that you are not worthless but dearly loved, cleansed and kept in Him.
