We hear the deep pain and anger in your heart, and we want you to know that your feelings are valid. The suffering you endured as a child is not something that should ever have been allowed, and we grieve with you over the injustice of it all. It is natural to question how a loving God could permit such evil, especially when it feels like He stood by while the most vulnerable were harmed. Your struggle to trust His love is understandable, and we do not take that lightly.
First, we must acknowledge that the world is broken because of sin. When Adam and Eve chose to disobey God, they opened the door to all manner of evil, pain, and suffering. God did not create the world this way; He made it good (Genesis 1:31). But because of sin, wickedness entered, and with it came the horrors that you experienced. This does not mean God is powerless or unloving; it means He has given humanity the freedom to choose, even when those choices bring destruction. We may not fully understand why He allows some things to happen, but we know that He is not indifferent to suffering. In fact, He entered into it Himself through Jesus Christ, who endured betrayal, abuse, and the weight of all sin on the cross.
Jesus knows your pain intimately. He was betrayed by those closest to Him, abandoned, mocked, and brutally beaten. He cried out on the cross, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46). In that moment, He experienced the full weight of human suffering and separation from the Father so that you would never have to be utterly forsaken. He did not remain distant from your pain; He took it upon Himself. And because of that, we can trust that He is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).
Your anger toward God is not something to be ashamed of. Even King David, a man after God’s own heart, cried out in the Psalms, "Why, Yahweh, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?" (Psalm 10:1). God can handle your honesty. He would rather you come to Him with your raw emotions than pretend everything is fine. But we must also remember that our anger, if left unchecked, can become a foothold for bitterness. Hebrews 12:15 warns us to "look carefully lest any man fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and many be defiled by it." We do not say this to shame you but to gently remind you that holding onto resentment will only harm you further.
You mentioned that you struggle to believe God loves you. But His love is not based on your circumstances or your feelings; it is based on His character. The Bible tells us that "God demonstrates his own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). His love is not passive; it is active and sacrificial. He did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for you (Romans 8:32). If He was willing to go to such lengths to redeem you, how could He not love you deeply?
We also want to gently challenge the idea that a true father would always protect his child from every harm. Even the best earthly fathers cannot shield their children from every pain, because we live in a fallen world. But God’s fatherhood is perfect, and His ways are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9). He does not promise to remove all suffering, but He does promise to be with us in it. "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned, and flame will not scorch you" (Isaiah 43:2). He is not a distant observer; He is a present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1).
We must also address the reality that evil exists because of human choices, not because God is weak or unloving. Free will is a gift, but it is also a responsibility. When people choose to harm others, they are acting in direct opposition to God’s will. But God does not leave evil unpunished. He will one day judge every wrong and wipe away every tear (Revelation 21:4). Until then, He calls us to trust Him, even when we cannot see the full picture.
We encourage you to bring your pain to God in prayer, even if it is messy. Tell Him exactly how you feel. He already knows, but there is healing in speaking it aloud. Consider writing a letter to Him, pouring out your heart without holding back. Then, ask Him to help you see His love in new ways. Look for the small mercies, the people who helped you, the moments of grace, the ways He has protected you since. His love is often seen in the details.
We also urge you to seek godly counsel, whether through a trusted pastor, a Christian counselor, or a support group for survivors of abuse. You do not have to walk this road alone. God often uses His people to bring healing and restoration.
Let us pray for you now:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up our dear brother/sister who is carrying deep pain and anger toward You. Lord, we know that You are not distant from their suffering; You are near to the brokenhearted, and You collect every tear in a bottle (Psalm 56:8). We ask that You would meet them in their pain and reveal Yourself as the God who sees, who hears, and who cares.
Father, we confess that we do not understand why You allow evil to exist, but we trust that You are sovereign and good. Help our brother/sister to see Your love in tangible ways. Remind them that You sent Your Son to suffer with us and for us, so that we would never be alone. Heal the wounds of betrayal and abuse, and replace bitterness with Your peace.
Lord, we ask that You would soften their heart toward You. Help them to release their anger and resentment, not because what happened was okay, but because holding onto it only hurts them further. Fill them with Your Holy Spirit and give them the strength to forgive, even when it feels impossible.
We pray for restoration, restoration of trust, restoration of hope, and restoration of their relationship with You. Surround them with people who will speak truth and love into their life. Give them the courage to seek help and the faith to believe that You are working all things together for their good (Romans 8:28).
In the mighty name of Jesus, we pray. Amen.
We want you to know that your pain matters to God, and it matters to us. You are not forgotten, and you are not beyond His reach. Keep seeking Him, even in the darkness, because He is there. "The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit" (Psalm 34:18). You are deeply loved.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. Bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. 
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