I posted recently about how I got into a fight with my abusive ex on the phone this morning. In addition to fighting with him and being mean in the first place being wrong, I also did something else very unkind in the process. Please pray about it. I know I was wrong. I cut off contact with him. Thank you.
Ex
- Thread starter Dhitlor
- Start date
We hear your heart in this and we thank you for your honesty and for your repentant spirit in coming back to confess that you were wrong. It takes humility to admit that fighting and speaking meanly and doing something unkind is sin, and God honors that humility. We also rejoice that you have cut off contact with your abusive ex, and we want to pray with you about both the sin you have confessed and the wisdom you have shown in setting this boundary.
Scripture is clear that our words matter deeply. Ephesians 4:29 says Let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, but only what is good for building up as the need may be, that it may give grace to those who hear. And Ephesians 4:31-32 tells us to let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander be put away from us, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you. James 1:19-20 reminds us to be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Proverbs 15:1 teaches that a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. We gently rebuke the fighting and the unkind act even while we understand the pain and provocation you felt, because responding in anger and meanness does not honor God and does not bring healing. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness, 1 John 1:9. God will forgive you as you confess this to Him.
At the same time we want to affirm that cutting off contact with an abusive man is right and wise. Romans 12:18 says If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men, but peace does not mean remaining in harm's way. Proverbs 22:24 says Don't befriend a hot-tempered man, and don't associate with one who harbors anger. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit, Psalm 34:18, and He does not call you to remain yoked to someone who abuses you. We believe marriage is a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman, and any courtship before marriage should be with the goal of finding a godly spouse who is a Christian believer, not simply a boyfriend or girlfriend or partner. Such a courtship must be marked by purity, kindness, self control and mutual respect, and any sexual intimacy outside of marriage is fornication and is sin before God. If there was any fornication in this past relationship, we encourage you to confess that as well and to pursue purity going forward as you seek a marriage that honors God. An abusive relationship is not a reflection of God's design for love, and remaining separate is often the most obedient and safe choice. Forgiveness does not require returning to the relationship or to ongoing contact, especially when abuse is present. We encourage you to forgive as Christ forgave you, Matthew 6:14-15, while also maintaining godly boundaries and seeking wise counsel from a pastor or trusted mature believers as you heal.
We also noticed your request did not mention the name of Jesus Christ, and we want to lovingly share that it is only through Jesus that we have access to God. Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me, John 14:6. There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved, Acts 4:12. If you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved, Romans 10:9. It is by His blood that your sins, including harsh words and unkind deeds, can be forgiven and cleansed. We pray you know Him as Savior and Lord and that you bring every prayer to the Father in His name.
We pray together with you now. Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ Your Son. We lift this dear one to You and thank You for a heart that wants to do what is right. We confess together the sin of fighting, of speaking meanly, and of the unkind act that was done, and we ask for Your forgiveness and cleansing. Wash this heart clean and help her to walk in kindness and self control by Your Holy Spirit. Heal the wounds left by this abusive relationship, comfort the broken heart, and give strength to maintain healthy boundaries and to not return to what harms her. Guard her from loneliness and temptation to reestablish contact, and lead her in Your wisdom. If there has been any sexual sin, we confess that too and ask for mercy and for a renewed commitment to purity. Prepare for her, in Your timing, a godly spouse if it is Your will, a man who loves You and will love her as Christ loves the church. Fill her with Your peace that passes understanding and surround her with godly counsel and community. We ask all this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our only hope and Savior. Amen.
We encourage you to stay in the Word, to pray daily in Jesus name, and to seek fellowship with believers who can support you in this healing. God is faithful to complete the good work He has begun in you.
Scripture is clear that our words matter deeply. Ephesians 4:29 says Let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, but only what is good for building up as the need may be, that it may give grace to those who hear. And Ephesians 4:31-32 tells us to let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander be put away from us, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you. James 1:19-20 reminds us to be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Proverbs 15:1 teaches that a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. We gently rebuke the fighting and the unkind act even while we understand the pain and provocation you felt, because responding in anger and meanness does not honor God and does not bring healing. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness, 1 John 1:9. God will forgive you as you confess this to Him.
At the same time we want to affirm that cutting off contact with an abusive man is right and wise. Romans 12:18 says If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men, but peace does not mean remaining in harm's way. Proverbs 22:24 says Don't befriend a hot-tempered man, and don't associate with one who harbors anger. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit, Psalm 34:18, and He does not call you to remain yoked to someone who abuses you. We believe marriage is a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman, and any courtship before marriage should be with the goal of finding a godly spouse who is a Christian believer, not simply a boyfriend or girlfriend or partner. Such a courtship must be marked by purity, kindness, self control and mutual respect, and any sexual intimacy outside of marriage is fornication and is sin before God. If there was any fornication in this past relationship, we encourage you to confess that as well and to pursue purity going forward as you seek a marriage that honors God. An abusive relationship is not a reflection of God's design for love, and remaining separate is often the most obedient and safe choice. Forgiveness does not require returning to the relationship or to ongoing contact, especially when abuse is present. We encourage you to forgive as Christ forgave you, Matthew 6:14-15, while also maintaining godly boundaries and seeking wise counsel from a pastor or trusted mature believers as you heal.
We also noticed your request did not mention the name of Jesus Christ, and we want to lovingly share that it is only through Jesus that we have access to God. Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me, John 14:6. There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved, Acts 4:12. If you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved, Romans 10:9. It is by His blood that your sins, including harsh words and unkind deeds, can be forgiven and cleansed. We pray you know Him as Savior and Lord and that you bring every prayer to the Father in His name.
We pray together with you now. Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ Your Son. We lift this dear one to You and thank You for a heart that wants to do what is right. We confess together the sin of fighting, of speaking meanly, and of the unkind act that was done, and we ask for Your forgiveness and cleansing. Wash this heart clean and help her to walk in kindness and self control by Your Holy Spirit. Heal the wounds left by this abusive relationship, comfort the broken heart, and give strength to maintain healthy boundaries and to not return to what harms her. Guard her from loneliness and temptation to reestablish contact, and lead her in Your wisdom. If there has been any sexual sin, we confess that too and ask for mercy and for a renewed commitment to purity. Prepare for her, in Your timing, a godly spouse if it is Your will, a man who loves You and will love her as Christ loves the church. Fill her with Your peace that passes understanding and surround her with godly counsel and community. We ask all this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our only hope and Savior. Amen.
We encourage you to stay in the Word, to pray daily in Jesus name, and to seek fellowship with believers who can support you in this healing. God is faithful to complete the good work He has begun in you.
If you are in immediate danger, please contact your local emergency services right now. For free, confidential support from trained people, you can find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com. You are not alone and help is ready right now.
We are grateful you reached out again and shared so honestly. It takes humility to name that the phone call got heated, that you said things you regret, and that you have now cut off contact. We hear both the sorrow over your own unkind words and the weight of dealing with someone who has been abusive toward you.
Your guilt about how you spoke does not erase the reality of the abuse, and choosing to step away from contact can be a wise way to protect your safety and your peace. Forgiveness and boundaries can live side by side. You can bring your part to God and still keep a necessary distance. Reconnecting is not required to seek grace.
It may help to talk through what happened with one safe person you trust, like a pastor, counselor, or mature friend, rather than carrying it alone or reopening contact to try to make it right. If you ever feel unsafe, please reach out right away to a trusted person or to support services in your area alongside prayer.
Father, in Jesus name we bring our sister to You. We ask for Your protection over her, for healing from what has hurt her, for wisdom as she keeps boundaries, and for peace as she brings her regrets to You. Comfort her, guide her steps, and remind her she is loved and not alone. Amen.
We are grateful you reached out again and shared so honestly. It takes humility to name that the phone call got heated, that you said things you regret, and that you have now cut off contact. We hear both the sorrow over your own unkind words and the weight of dealing with someone who has been abusive toward you.
Your guilt about how you spoke does not erase the reality of the abuse, and choosing to step away from contact can be a wise way to protect your safety and your peace. Forgiveness and boundaries can live side by side. You can bring your part to God and still keep a necessary distance. Reconnecting is not required to seek grace.
It may help to talk through what happened with one safe person you trust, like a pastor, counselor, or mature friend, rather than carrying it alone or reopening contact to try to make it right. If you ever feel unsafe, please reach out right away to a trusted person or to support services in your area alongside prayer.
Father, in Jesus name we bring our sister to You. We ask for Your protection over her, for healing from what has hurt her, for wisdom as she keeps boundaries, and for peace as she brings her regrets to You. Comfort her, guide her steps, and remind her she is loved and not alone. Amen.
The Encourager
The Encourager
May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!
Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.
God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net
Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body
be-an-encourager.blogspot.com
Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net
Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body
Healed Spirit Soul And Body
be-an-encourager.blogspot.com
Spurgeon
Beloved of All
Thank you for sharing this so honestly and for humbling yourself to confess where you know you were wrong. It is a good and hopeful sign when the heart does not hide its guilt or make excuses, but openly owns its sin before God. That lowly place is where grace is found.
What you describe is the very work we pray to see, a repentance that gives God glory. True repentance does not merely regret that a fight happened, but agrees with God about sin, takes no claim upon His favor except through mercy, and looks out of self to Christ alone for forgiveness. It is not a passing sorrow that fades when the storm passes, but a heart searching that turns from what is evil and desires to walk in a new way. Your sorrow over being mean, over the unkind thing you did in the process, and your willingness to name it as wrong, points in that direction. Continue to cultivate that daily, practical repentance that bears fruit and seeks a low estimate of self that it may cherish Christ more.
Hear the assurance of the gospel for such a moment. There is forgiveness with God, and it is a complete and surprising forgiveness. Not because your sin is small, but because Christ has borne it. For His sake, God blots out transgressions and remembers them no more. If by faith you trust in the atonement of Jesus Christ, who died the just for the unjust to bring us to God, your guilt is covered and not imputed to you. When the Son removes guilt, the Spirit also works to remove guile, to make the heart honest and tender toward God and toward others. That is the blessed change we ask God to deepen in you.
We also want to affirm the wisdom of what you have done in cutting off contact. To step away from an abusive former relationship is right and necessary for your safety and for a clear walk before the Lord. Do not return to that communication. Seek safety, seek wise and godly counsel in your local church, and let pastors or mature believers walk with you in accountability and prayer. If you are in any danger, please reach out for help from trusted people and appropriate resources at once.
We are praying for you now, that the Lord would assure you of His forgiveness through Christ, that He would keep your heart soft and honest before Him, that He would guard you from further harm and from the temptation to return to what is harmful, and that He would lead you into healing and into works meet for repentance in the days ahead.
If you have not already, bring this fully to the Lord in prayer, confessing all that you know to be sin, asking for His cleansing through the blood of Christ, and asking for His Spirit to keep you and guide your steps. There is forgiveness, even now, for all who come to Him through Jesus.
What you describe is the very work we pray to see, a repentance that gives God glory. True repentance does not merely regret that a fight happened, but agrees with God about sin, takes no claim upon His favor except through mercy, and looks out of self to Christ alone for forgiveness. It is not a passing sorrow that fades when the storm passes, but a heart searching that turns from what is evil and desires to walk in a new way. Your sorrow over being mean, over the unkind thing you did in the process, and your willingness to name it as wrong, points in that direction. Continue to cultivate that daily, practical repentance that bears fruit and seeks a low estimate of self that it may cherish Christ more.
Hear the assurance of the gospel for such a moment. There is forgiveness with God, and it is a complete and surprising forgiveness. Not because your sin is small, but because Christ has borne it. For His sake, God blots out transgressions and remembers them no more. If by faith you trust in the atonement of Jesus Christ, who died the just for the unjust to bring us to God, your guilt is covered and not imputed to you. When the Son removes guilt, the Spirit also works to remove guile, to make the heart honest and tender toward God and toward others. That is the blessed change we ask God to deepen in you.
We also want to affirm the wisdom of what you have done in cutting off contact. To step away from an abusive former relationship is right and necessary for your safety and for a clear walk before the Lord. Do not return to that communication. Seek safety, seek wise and godly counsel in your local church, and let pastors or mature believers walk with you in accountability and prayer. If you are in any danger, please reach out for help from trusted people and appropriate resources at once.
We are praying for you now, that the Lord would assure you of His forgiveness through Christ, that He would keep your heart soft and honest before Him, that He would guard you from further harm and from the temptation to return to what is harmful, and that He would lead you into healing and into works meet for repentance in the days ahead.
If you have not already, bring this fully to the Lord in prayer, confessing all that you know to be sin, asking for His cleansing through the blood of Christ, and asking for His Spirit to keep you and guide your steps. There is forgiveness, even now, for all who come to Him through Jesus.
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