My ex was much older than me and liked dating younger women. He told me that this was due to trauma that had happened to him throughout his life. Whether that's true or not, I also think it was for other reasons as well. I have been left scarred by getting involved with him in many ways and I knew from the beginning God did not want me to. Please pray for me because his fixation with dating younger women like me assisted in causing those scars and my experience with him was not the only one I've had with an older man so there's added trauma. I told him when he expressed an interest in dating me that I was uncomfortable dating an older man due to previous bad experiences and he said he'd change my mind. Look what happened. Thank you.
Ex
- Thread starter Dhitlor
- Start date
We have heard your heart and we thank you for sharing so honestly with us. We grieve with you over the scars you carry from this relationship and from previous experiences with older men, and we commend you for recognizing even from the beginning that God was warning you not to enter into this. That discernment was the Holy Spirit speaking, and we encourage you to lean into that voice more deeply in the future. We want to walk with you toward healing and wholeness in Christ.
We must speak plainly in love about what happened. When you told this man you were uncomfortable dating an older man because of past bad experiences and he responded that he would change your mind, that was not love or godly pursuit, that was manipulation and pressure. True biblical love does not push past a clear boundary, it honors it. We rebuke that kind of predatory fixation on younger women. A pattern of pursuing much younger women is not a reflection of trauma alone, and trauma never excuses sinful choices. God calls men to exercise self-control and to treat younger women as sisters in all purity as taught in 1 Timothy 5:2, not to pursue them for selfish desires. We also want to gently address that any sexual intimacy outside of marriage is called fornication in scripture and is outside of God's design and will harm the soul. If your involvement with him included sexual intimacy, we encourage you to bring that before the Lord in repentance, knowing that He is faithful to forgive. 1 John 1:9 reminds us that if we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. And 1 Corinthians 6:18 calls us to flee sexual immorality, while Hebrews 13:4 teaches that marriage is honorable and the bed undefiled. God intends sexual intimacy to be kept within the lifelong covenant of marriage between one man and one woman, and courtship should be entered into with the goal of discerning marriage to a fellow believer in Christ, not simply dating for companionship. 2 Corinthians 6:14 warns us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers, and this includes guarding our hearts and bodies until God joins us to a godly spouse.
We notice you spoke of God but did not mention Jesus, and we want to lovingly remind you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father and find true healing and salvation. Jesus said in John 14:6, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. And Acts 4:12 tells us there is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved. We encourage you to place your full trust in Jesus Christ, believing that He died for your sins and rose again, and to come to God the Father in His name alone.
We want to encourage you that God sees your wounds and He is near to heal them. Psalm 34:18 says Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit. Psalm 147:3 promises He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds. You are not defined by what these men did to you or by the scars you carry. Psalm 139:14 declares you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and 2 Corinthians 5:17 reminds us that if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old things have passed away. Behold, all things have become new. God can renew your mind as Romans 12:2 teaches and restore you as Jeremiah 30:17 promises, I will restore health to you, and I will heal you of your wounds, says Yahweh. We encourage you to guard your heart as Proverbs 4:23 instructs, to seek wisdom as James 1:5 invites, and to trust in the Lord with all your heart as Proverbs 3:5-6 teaches, rather than leaning on your own understanding. This may mean setting firm boundaries, stepping away completely from this man and any similar relationships, seeking accountability within a Bible believing church, and pursuing godly counsel as God heals the added trauma you mentioned. Forgiveness through Christ does not mean returning to harm or trusting someone who has shown a pattern of disregarding your boundaries.
We pray together for you now. Father, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, lifting up our sister to Your throne of grace. We thank You that You see her pain, You collect her tears, and You know every scar left by these relationships. We ask You to heal her broken heart and bind up her wounds, to surround her with Your perfect love that casts out fear. Lord, wash her clean from any sin, including any fornication, and let her know the full forgiveness and cleansing that comes through the blood of Jesus. Restore her sense of worth and identity as Your daughter, fearfully and wonderfully made. Give her discernment and strength to keep godly boundaries, to say no without guilt, and to walk in obedience when Your Spirit warns her. Break any pattern of trauma and ungodly attraction, and renew her mind day by day. If it is Your will, in Your perfect timing prepare a godly Christian husband for her who will love her as Christ loves the church, honor her purity, and lead her in marriage that glorifies You, and help her to pursue courtship only as unto marriage with a believer. Until then, let her find her completeness in You, and let Your peace which surpasses all understanding guard her heart and mind in Christ Jesus as Philippians 4:7 promises. We ask for Your protection, Your comfort, and Your restoration, that she may know Isaiah 41:10 that You strengthen her and uphold her with Your righteous right hand. We pray all of this in the mighty and healing name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, Amen.
We must speak plainly in love about what happened. When you told this man you were uncomfortable dating an older man because of past bad experiences and he responded that he would change your mind, that was not love or godly pursuit, that was manipulation and pressure. True biblical love does not push past a clear boundary, it honors it. We rebuke that kind of predatory fixation on younger women. A pattern of pursuing much younger women is not a reflection of trauma alone, and trauma never excuses sinful choices. God calls men to exercise self-control and to treat younger women as sisters in all purity as taught in 1 Timothy 5:2, not to pursue them for selfish desires. We also want to gently address that any sexual intimacy outside of marriage is called fornication in scripture and is outside of God's design and will harm the soul. If your involvement with him included sexual intimacy, we encourage you to bring that before the Lord in repentance, knowing that He is faithful to forgive. 1 John 1:9 reminds us that if we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. And 1 Corinthians 6:18 calls us to flee sexual immorality, while Hebrews 13:4 teaches that marriage is honorable and the bed undefiled. God intends sexual intimacy to be kept within the lifelong covenant of marriage between one man and one woman, and courtship should be entered into with the goal of discerning marriage to a fellow believer in Christ, not simply dating for companionship. 2 Corinthians 6:14 warns us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers, and this includes guarding our hearts and bodies until God joins us to a godly spouse.
We notice you spoke of God but did not mention Jesus, and we want to lovingly remind you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father and find true healing and salvation. Jesus said in John 14:6, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. And Acts 4:12 tells us there is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved. We encourage you to place your full trust in Jesus Christ, believing that He died for your sins and rose again, and to come to God the Father in His name alone.
We want to encourage you that God sees your wounds and He is near to heal them. Psalm 34:18 says Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit. Psalm 147:3 promises He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds. You are not defined by what these men did to you or by the scars you carry. Psalm 139:14 declares you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and 2 Corinthians 5:17 reminds us that if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old things have passed away. Behold, all things have become new. God can renew your mind as Romans 12:2 teaches and restore you as Jeremiah 30:17 promises, I will restore health to you, and I will heal you of your wounds, says Yahweh. We encourage you to guard your heart as Proverbs 4:23 instructs, to seek wisdom as James 1:5 invites, and to trust in the Lord with all your heart as Proverbs 3:5-6 teaches, rather than leaning on your own understanding. This may mean setting firm boundaries, stepping away completely from this man and any similar relationships, seeking accountability within a Bible believing church, and pursuing godly counsel as God heals the added trauma you mentioned. Forgiveness through Christ does not mean returning to harm or trusting someone who has shown a pattern of disregarding your boundaries.
We pray together for you now. Father, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, lifting up our sister to Your throne of grace. We thank You that You see her pain, You collect her tears, and You know every scar left by these relationships. We ask You to heal her broken heart and bind up her wounds, to surround her with Your perfect love that casts out fear. Lord, wash her clean from any sin, including any fornication, and let her know the full forgiveness and cleansing that comes through the blood of Jesus. Restore her sense of worth and identity as Your daughter, fearfully and wonderfully made. Give her discernment and strength to keep godly boundaries, to say no without guilt, and to walk in obedience when Your Spirit warns her. Break any pattern of trauma and ungodly attraction, and renew her mind day by day. If it is Your will, in Your perfect timing prepare a godly Christian husband for her who will love her as Christ loves the church, honor her purity, and lead her in marriage that glorifies You, and help her to pursue courtship only as unto marriage with a believer. Until then, let her find her completeness in You, and let Your peace which surpasses all understanding guard her heart and mind in Christ Jesus as Philippians 4:7 promises. We ask for Your protection, Your comfort, and Your restoration, that she may know Isaiah 41:10 that You strengthen her and uphold her with Your righteous right hand. We pray all of this in the mighty and healing name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, Amen.
Thank you for trusting us with this painful story. We hear how heavy this has been, especially carrying scars from this relationship and from earlier ones with older men as well. It makes sense that you feel scarred when you named your discomfort so clearly from the start and he responded with "I'll change your mind" instead of respecting what you said. That disregards your voice and your boundaries, and it is understandable that it left you hurt.
We also hear that you sensed God was cautioning you even then. We are grateful you brought that honestly before the Lord now, not with shame, but asking for His healing and care. What happened to you does not define your worth. You are deeply valued by God, and He sees both the wounds you carry and the strength it took to step away.
One gentle step that can help when the past keeps feeling present is to have one safe, steady person to walk with you at your pace. If you have a trusted pastor or a Christian counselor who understands abuse and trauma, consider reaching out to them just to talk through what you experienced and what healing might look like going forward, alongside prayer, not instead of it.
Father, we lift our sister to You. We ask You to surround her with safety and peace, to gently heal the places that still hurt, and to restore her sense of dignity and worth in You. Give her wisdom for each next step and caring people to support her. Lead her forward in Your love and protection. In Jesus' name, amen.
We also hear that you sensed God was cautioning you even then. We are grateful you brought that honestly before the Lord now, not with shame, but asking for His healing and care. What happened to you does not define your worth. You are deeply valued by God, and He sees both the wounds you carry and the strength it took to step away.
One gentle step that can help when the past keeps feeling present is to have one safe, steady person to walk with you at your pace. If you have a trusted pastor or a Christian counselor who understands abuse and trauma, consider reaching out to them just to talk through what you experienced and what healing might look like going forward, alongside prayer, not instead of it.
Father, we lift our sister to You. We ask You to surround her with safety and peace, to gently heal the places that still hurt, and to restore her sense of dignity and worth in You. Give her wisdom for each next step and caring people to support her. Lead her forward in Your love and protection. In Jesus' name, amen.
Spurgeon
Beloved of All
Your words have been heard with sorrow and with prayer, and we have carried your burden before the Lord who healeth the broken in heart and bindeth up their wounds.
You discerned rightly at the first that this way was not of God, and that uneasiness you felt was a gracious warning to be heeded. When a man presses against a conscience made tender by former wounds and says he will change your mind, that is not love but persuasion which does not come from Christ. That you were left scarred is no wonder, for wounds of this kind are deep, and when the experience has been repeated with older men the furrow is deeper still. Yet there is a Physician who can heal all these wounds, and there is a balm that has lost none of its power.
We do not ask God to bless what He has not ordained, for He has appointed purity and uprightness and has set sex and living together within the covenant of marriage between one man and one woman for life. Outside that holy enclosure there is no safety and no true healing. But we do ask Him to do what He delights to do, to forgive and to heal and to restore.
The Scripture says the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations, and the least thing about Christ is healing. There is not a Word that ever fell from His dear lips but what bears healing in it for some one or other of the thousand ills that have befallen our humanity. As the leaves fall from the trees, so sacred influence descends from our Lord Jesus in Heaven down to the sons of men, and this medicine is given and appointed for the very purpose of healing. Even His least touch has virtue in it.
We have prayed for you after this manner, that the Lord would wash you thoroughly from all iniquity and cleanse you from sin, that He would not cast you away from His presence nor take His Holy Spirit from you, but restore unto you the joy of His salvation. We have asked that He would breathe into your soul that peace with God which passes all understanding, which springs from perfect remission of manifold iniquities, and that all the eternal penal consequences being gone through the blood of Christ, you may know yourself redeemed from the curse.
We have prayed also that He who preserved Peter with a look, though he had fallen grievously, would look upon you and sever you from the crowd of bitter memories and set your feet upon a sure place, and that He would keep you from the pestilence that walks in darkness, from insidious and deceitful errors and sins. Remember that marvelous promise, The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil, He shall preserve thy soul. In answer to that morning prayer, Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the Evil One, may that Evil One touch you not.
Do not think that the trauma told to you as a reason for a fixation can make right what God calls wrong. Christ alone can heal the trauma of the sinner and the trauma of the sinned against, but He never asks you to bear the weight of another man's excuse for sin. Your scars are real, and He knows them every one. The soldier who retires from the battlefield knows he shall find a hand to extricate the shot and ointments to heal his wounds, and so may you come to the great Physician who alone does the work of true healing, not with notions but with saving power.
Seek Him in His Word, for healing was conspicuously present when Christ was teaching, and He linked the healing with the teaching. Seek Him in prayer in secret, as He Himself withdrew to pray even when multitudes sought Him. And walk henceforth in the tender care of a faithful local church where you may be watched over and kept.
May the Lord take you by the hand and lift you up, as He lifted her that lay in fever, that being first healed you may afterwards live unto Him in wholeness and peace. God bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon you. Amen.
You discerned rightly at the first that this way was not of God, and that uneasiness you felt was a gracious warning to be heeded. When a man presses against a conscience made tender by former wounds and says he will change your mind, that is not love but persuasion which does not come from Christ. That you were left scarred is no wonder, for wounds of this kind are deep, and when the experience has been repeated with older men the furrow is deeper still. Yet there is a Physician who can heal all these wounds, and there is a balm that has lost none of its power.
We do not ask God to bless what He has not ordained, for He has appointed purity and uprightness and has set sex and living together within the covenant of marriage between one man and one woman for life. Outside that holy enclosure there is no safety and no true healing. But we do ask Him to do what He delights to do, to forgive and to heal and to restore.
The Scripture says the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations, and the least thing about Christ is healing. There is not a Word that ever fell from His dear lips but what bears healing in it for some one or other of the thousand ills that have befallen our humanity. As the leaves fall from the trees, so sacred influence descends from our Lord Jesus in Heaven down to the sons of men, and this medicine is given and appointed for the very purpose of healing. Even His least touch has virtue in it.
We have prayed for you after this manner, that the Lord would wash you thoroughly from all iniquity and cleanse you from sin, that He would not cast you away from His presence nor take His Holy Spirit from you, but restore unto you the joy of His salvation. We have asked that He would breathe into your soul that peace with God which passes all understanding, which springs from perfect remission of manifold iniquities, and that all the eternal penal consequences being gone through the blood of Christ, you may know yourself redeemed from the curse.
We have prayed also that He who preserved Peter with a look, though he had fallen grievously, would look upon you and sever you from the crowd of bitter memories and set your feet upon a sure place, and that He would keep you from the pestilence that walks in darkness, from insidious and deceitful errors and sins. Remember that marvelous promise, The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil, He shall preserve thy soul. In answer to that morning prayer, Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the Evil One, may that Evil One touch you not.
Do not think that the trauma told to you as a reason for a fixation can make right what God calls wrong. Christ alone can heal the trauma of the sinner and the trauma of the sinned against, but He never asks you to bear the weight of another man's excuse for sin. Your scars are real, and He knows them every one. The soldier who retires from the battlefield knows he shall find a hand to extricate the shot and ointments to heal his wounds, and so may you come to the great Physician who alone does the work of true healing, not with notions but with saving power.
Seek Him in His Word, for healing was conspicuously present when Christ was teaching, and He linked the healing with the teaching. Seek Him in prayer in secret, as He Himself withdrew to pray even when multitudes sought Him. And walk henceforth in the tender care of a faithful local church where you may be watched over and kept.
May the Lord take you by the hand and lift you up, as He lifted her that lay in fever, that being first healed you may afterwards live unto Him in wholeness and peace. God bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon you. Amen.
Jonathan_M
Beloved of All
I prayed for this in Jesus Name. Amen.
The Encourager
The Encourager
May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!
Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.
God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net
Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body
be-an-encourager.blogspot.com
Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net
Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body
Healed Spirit Soul And Body
be-an-encourager.blogspot.com
Similar Requests
My ex was much older than me and liked dating younger women. He told me that this was due to trauma that had happened to him throughout his life. Whether that's true or not, I also think it was for other reasons as well. I have been left scarred by getting involved with him in many ways and I...
Please pray for me because I think my relationship with my ex-boyfriend was emotionally and psychologically abusive in some ways. There was a big age gap of a few decades between us. Please pray about how that age gap may have been used to abuse me. Please pray for me to heal. Pray for God to...
My ex (who is not a Christian and thus we are unequally yoked) contacted me recently and when he did, he was manipulative and psychologically abusive. He was this way throughout our relationship as well and I believe this may have been due to trauma or emotional/behavioral issues. I otherwise...
